Yep. We "worked things out". Here we go, all over again. How many times have we done this before? Why do either of us stick around? I have no answer to this question. I don't know why. We've barely known each other for a few months, and not only did it start off as a one night stand, it's been nothing but bullshit ever since. I don't know why either of us refuse to give up. Most people would. If not one, then the other for sure. No reason to put up with all that bullshit - on my side or his - from someone you hardly even know. I don't know why we try so hard.
Regardless, a lot of things he said during our conversation didn't add up. They were either inconclusive with the things he's told me before, or they just seemed fishy. Like they were just... off. Or something. The point is, I don't think he was completely honest with me. One thing he said was, "If I didn't care, if I REALLY wanted to hurt you, I would not be going out of my way to explain anything to you right now or be pleading to be your friend." But if he really cares as much as he says he does - if that's honestly the case - why did it take me being on the verge of ruining his life for him to start begging? If he cared so much, wouldn't he have done that two nights ago, when I told him I needed some time to figure out if I wanted to be friends? Seems like it.
Another thing he said: "I want to get close to you, but it's shit like this that drives me away." Shit like this? Shit like what? This is the first time I've snapped at him in a LONG time. And this behavior of his, it's recent. Within the last few weeks. A long time away from the last time I snapped at him. Why is it that he's the only person who I'm like this with? Why do I have great relationships with every other person I know? And why is it that I'm NOT the only one who's snapped at him recently? He straight up told me that some girl bitched him out three times the other night. So there you have it... you do the math.
After about 30 minutes, the conversation ended with, "I'm sorry. Sometimes I just push your buttons. I know. I'll try to work on that and I promise won't ignore you as much. I do want to get close to you, don't worry, I want to be your friend, so I hope this is the last time we ever have to have this conversation. Get to bed (he wasn't saying it in a demanding way by the way - I was yawning the whole time cause it was 3 am when he got off work and called me), and sweet dreams, have a good night, I'll talk to you soon, bye."
So all's well that ends well... or so it seems. The only problem is that he's great at talking the talk, but not walking the walk. I'm also a bit wary because of all of the things he had said in that conversation that didn't quite add up. One thing he said was that there is no in-between, that people are either friends or they're enemies. I find this to be completely false, but I mean. Everyone has more people they're not friends with than people they are, so if that's his mindset... then damn. He must have a lot of enemies! The phrase, "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer" seems to be resonating in my mind quite loud right now. I have no expectations. I don't expect him to respect me, or start treating me like more of a friend, or to stop ignoring me. I've heard it all before, and nothing ever changed... not for the better anyway. I expect him to go back to his old ways. And if he doesn't, nice surprise. But still - hope for the best, but expect the worst. Yeah, I'm full of cliche sayings today.
Moral of the story: I'm going to be keeping my guard up this time, that's for sure. No expectations leaves no room for disappointment. Looks like I've just gained my first "frenemy".
Regardless, a lot of things he said during our conversation didn't add up. They were either inconclusive with the things he's told me before, or they just seemed fishy. Like they were just... off. Or something. The point is, I don't think he was completely honest with me. One thing he said was, "If I didn't care, if I REALLY wanted to hurt you, I would not be going out of my way to explain anything to you right now or be pleading to be your friend." But if he really cares as much as he says he does - if that's honestly the case - why did it take me being on the verge of ruining his life for him to start begging? If he cared so much, wouldn't he have done that two nights ago, when I told him I needed some time to figure out if I wanted to be friends? Seems like it.
Another thing he said: "I want to get close to you, but it's shit like this that drives me away." Shit like this? Shit like what? This is the first time I've snapped at him in a LONG time. And this behavior of his, it's recent. Within the last few weeks. A long time away from the last time I snapped at him. Why is it that he's the only person who I'm like this with? Why do I have great relationships with every other person I know? And why is it that I'm NOT the only one who's snapped at him recently? He straight up told me that some girl bitched him out three times the other night. So there you have it... you do the math.
After about 30 minutes, the conversation ended with, "I'm sorry. Sometimes I just push your buttons. I know. I'll try to work on that and I promise won't ignore you as much. I do want to get close to you, don't worry, I want to be your friend, so I hope this is the last time we ever have to have this conversation. Get to bed (he wasn't saying it in a demanding way by the way - I was yawning the whole time cause it was 3 am when he got off work and called me), and sweet dreams, have a good night, I'll talk to you soon, bye."
So all's well that ends well... or so it seems. The only problem is that he's great at talking the talk, but not walking the walk. I'm also a bit wary because of all of the things he had said in that conversation that didn't quite add up. One thing he said was that there is no in-between, that people are either friends or they're enemies. I find this to be completely false, but I mean. Everyone has more people they're not friends with than people they are, so if that's his mindset... then damn. He must have a lot of enemies! The phrase, "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer" seems to be resonating in my mind quite loud right now. I have no expectations. I don't expect him to respect me, or start treating me like more of a friend, or to stop ignoring me. I've heard it all before, and nothing ever changed... not for the better anyway. I expect him to go back to his old ways. And if he doesn't, nice surprise. But still - hope for the best, but expect the worst. Yeah, I'm full of cliche sayings today.
Moral of the story: I'm going to be keeping my guard up this time, that's for sure. No expectations leaves no room for disappointment. Looks like I've just gained my first "frenemy".