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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

WD blues, anyone?

PhrostByte said:
You had almost 6 years.. you can do it again.
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I ran my psychologicxal bulldozer over her, broke a promise, that
i may never be able to repair.
Went to my supplier and gt me a lil' bag.
But my wife stays, and i feel so bad for chikening out.
But i only chased a lil ., just to get better, and my wife took the rest away from me.
 
Me..... not quite yet.
gimme a couple of days but im sure il be back:\
if only they culd invent something to eliminate WD's for everything, would make life easier :|
 
PhrostByte said:
I have 16 days off dope/9 days off sub and still didn't sleep last night, FUCK!
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Congrats man! :) Shit may still be tough, but that's some really great progress! Don't forget the effort you've put in so far, keep it up! :)

I am also not sleeping well.

Haven't used much at all in the last 9 days.

Just about 48 hours since the last time I took a miniscule amount of sub.


I'm not sure what to do right now though. I feel tired. I'd like to go to sleep. It ain't happening though. I'm not really as uncomfortable anymore, not like the majority of the past week, but I'm still feeling off.
 
17 days no hair-on, 10 days no sibuxan (ain't it funny how many people spell it wrong?)

Didn't sleep last night.. but my mom gave me half a trazadone today.. I might sleep tonight. HOOO-RA!
 
I went god knows how many days using. Bundle a day, maybe 150-300mgs oxy/ED. Then forced to do 5 days of WD due to no money *horror*. Then got 10 30s. Lasted 2 days. Sick again for 2 or 3. Then used 7 30s in one day. Been 37 hours. No WD. Slept last night and the night before. No runs. Nothing. Just PAWS type shit and wierd dreams.
 
Carl Landrover said:
Congrats man! :) Shit may still be tough, but that's some really great progress! Don't forget the effort you've put in so far, keep it up! :)

I am also not sleeping well.

Haven't used much at all in the last 9 days.

Just about 48 hours since the last time I took a miniscule amount of sub.


I'm not sure what to do right now though. I feel tired. I'd like to go to sleep. It ain't happening though. I'm not really as uncomfortable anymore, not like the majority of the past week, but I'm still feeling off.
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No, THIS is some great progress. There was a time when I was able to go 48 hours w/out sub and shortly after that I didn't need to go back at all anymore (physically need to go back that is).

I'm not worried about physical wds at all with you so I think you'll be fine no matter what. I also think whenever your ready to break the habit for good you're not gonna have much of any in the first place (not really sure if that 48hour was intentional or if you're just experimenting right now). But I think we both know when/if that paws surfaces thats what ultimately may break you.

Thats why if you DO plan on stopping for good, you should seriously start doing some footwork about what you will do if paws comes and you can't tolerate it.
Do you take a bit more sub to take a break?
Do go back to dope?
Do you go see a doctor and see if you can get on a non-opiate for the depression?

I REALLY think the last situation would be the best IF its possible for you to do. You're at a low dose and I myself am having problems getting as low as you are again. And if I had it to do all over when the paws got bad, the thing I would have changed is I would have went straight to a dr no matter what my excuse was (which was usually 'no health insurance'). It would have been more than worth it at that point to spend 2 or 300 then to go back to using and blow 10times that over a couple months.

Its not the depression that gets me with the paws as I can tolerate perfectly fine being depressed/wanting to kill myself w/out actually doing it (most of the time). What truely killed me during paws was the complete and total lack of motivation/productivity. No motivation to work, go to school, study, pay bills, or really do anything.
And I think 'no motivation' isn't really the best way to say it. I almost couldn't do it at all. You can have no motivation but still do something, during paws I had no motivation to the point where it was impossible to do ANYTHING.

Again I have no idea whats the worse for you, but there are non-opiate meds out there for all these symptoms. So if you can make it into paws, and it starts breaking you down, figure out what your main symptom is that you can't tolerate. Then, either find a doctor or find me, and I will help you find a med to fight it asap. I wanna see you make it through this bro and DO NOT want to see you go back again like I did. Its enough work just getting your mind ready to the point where you feel like you can taper low again. I never realized that when I was in paws cause I had tapered so "easily" and felt like if I ever went back I could just taper again.
But just because you're able to do it once easily doesn't mean it will always be easy.

I'm more or less ranting at this point but use as many resources as you can and do NOT be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If theres anything I can ever do just let me know and its in my power I will do it no questions asked.
 
Yeah, I can relate. I've only done one long-term withdrawal phase (6 weeks) post methadone and heroin. Managed to avoid it for over 2.5 years but eventually, there I was. Despite ambien and some benzos, I barely slept a wink for the majority of it.

Whoever said "I get scary depressed", spot fucking on. I was getting delusional and suicidal. Dark fucking days. After all of my hard work and sacrifices, a relapse. I am recommitting to a suboxone program this week. Quitting cold turkey isn't an option for me for the depressive symptoms specifically. I can confidently say for a fact, I would not survive it again. Just thinking about it makes me want to start giving away my few cherished assets.
 
Anyone ever remained constipated during withdrawal? I haven't taken a dump in like 3 days.
 
PhantomPt2 said:
God, I'm in the exact same boat as you guys are and know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Right now I'm in a really really shitty cycle where I use just about every 2-3 days, instead of every day like I used to the past year. I got over the real bad phsyical withdrawals from my IV dope addiction, was clean for a week, then relapsed and now use like every 3 days. I still get minor phsyical w/ds but it's mostly in my head I feel like. I just feel so fucking lost trying to completely rid myself of this drug/addiction. I am not as physically addicted as I was, but I don't feel like I can stay clean long enough to be entirely free of it. Like I am always extremely lethargic and unmotivated and I feel like I'll never get rid of that feeling. I'm just so impatient, I want my old self back and to feel normal, but I keep relapsing and won't let myself get back to that point.

The worst part for me is the nostalgia of the addiction, and looking back and my mind tricks me into thinking that those were the "good" times, when I know in reality that it was still miserable, it's just the tricky part of addiction. Like this past winter/early spring was the height of my addiction. I have so much nostalgia about driving down my guy's hood to cop with my girlfriend after her and I got out of work and having that feeling of excitement going down to cop. The rush of going into a bad neighborhood, doing the exchange, and getting away to go home and fix just made life seem really exciting for some reason, and I feel like that whole process was so damn addicting. I feel like if I kick this drug, even though I know my life will get way better, I'll always miss living that life style with it's unbelievable highs, and unimaginable lows. Everything about the life style is so addictive and unique. Fixing your shots, fixin up in the parking lot before work. I just feel like a friend is moving away and I'm going to miss him/her(oin) immensely.

I just need to get through this but it's fucking killing me. My mind feels so fucking fragile. I know if I don't kick this habit, I will either die, end up in jail, or waste many more years of my life til' I finally do get clean. Even though this addiction has torn my life apart... I feel like nothing will quite satisfy me the way dope has been for quite some time. This thread is really helping me know that people feel the exact same way I do though. Good luck to you all
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Great fucking post. The one and only time I managed quitting cold turkey for 6 weeks ended after too many nostalgia moments. Its to the point that I cannot even be within an hour of Philly without copping. Beautiful post my dear.
.
BTW, do you guys think a couple weeks of being on benzos will help with the boredom/anxiety/depression after the acute withdrawals. I know not to switch addictions, but I think a couple weeks will probably help A LOT.
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Benzos were essential to me during the first 3 weeks of acute phases post methadone. If you managed so far without them, I'd try to keep going.
 
paperchaser said:
keep with it after your done kicking life has never been so beautiful....
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your post is beautiful.

i get a wierd feeling in my head about 16 hours after my last dose. like a floaty feeling, and I feel disconnected. not anxious, just an annoying feeling that subsides when i get high.

im currently using about 40 mg opana (snorted) daily, split into two dosages, usually. Anyone else get this, and when do REAL withdrawls (sickness, aches, restlessness) kick in?
hour 48?
 
Thanks oliphill... 19 days without heroin.. 12 days without suboxone now... and I'm finally starting to sleep at night (actually I've been sleeping during the day more than at night.. a couple hours on the beach with the sound of the waves crashing and a couple hours on the bus with it's rhythmic rocking). Still, I managed to get about an hour's sleep last night as well... so I know from here it's only going to get easier.

AND, I pooped both yesterday and today, horray! I've been eating A LOT.. it appears I haven't gained any weight at all though.. which is strange because I pretty much only at half a meal to 1 meal per day when using.. I still weigh 170 lbs. Maybe it's cuz I've been walking around a lot more. Either way, despite the horrible sleep schedule I feel fantastic! I'll be honest and say I still want to use but I can't let those thoughts control my actions... they're only thoughts and they go away. I need to keep reminding myself that.
 
S.M.F.G said:
if only they culd invent something to eliminate WD's for everything, would make life easier :|
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They already do. And your options are..*drumroll..* A) Death; or B) Not doing drugs in the first place :p

Really though, guys.. you're all doing a good job staying clean and all. I messed that up for myself lately. It doesn't take much to do that, coming from the world I've been in for far too long now. But every day spent free of withdrawal-causing drugs.. namely opiates.. is the most positive step any of us can take. That 'one day at a time' thing is no joke.

I see a lot of strength in the posts on this thread, even from those people that feel so weak from sickness they can't pick up a damn fork. It's a war out there. We are warriors, man. Truly. It's easy to say 'this is no way to live, so why survive.' I want to thank each and every one of you survivors here for being strong and giving hope to people like me. So many fellow opiate users have given up and checked out early on purpose. So many would rather end it all than wait in the dark long enough to see to the end of the tunnel. I believe there is always an end if you want there to be one. :)
 
PhrostByte said:
Thanks oliphill... 19 days without heroin.. 12 days without suboxone now... and I'm finally starting to sleep at night (actually I've been sleeping during the day more than at night.. a couple hours on the beach with the sound of the waves crashing and a couple hours on the bus with it's rhythmic rocking). Still, I managed to get about an hour's sleep last night as well... so I know from here it's only going to get easier.

AND, I pooped both yesterday and today, horray! I've been eating A LOT.. it appears I haven't gained any weight at all though.. which is strange because I pretty much only at half a meal to 1 meal per day when using.. I still weigh 170 lbs. Maybe it's cuz I've been walking around a lot more. Either way, despite the horrible sleep schedule I feel fantastic! I'll be honest and say I still want to use but I can't let those thoughts control my actions... they're only thoughts and they go away. I need to keep reminding myself that.
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Good job man. Glad to see you are making it to the other side. I have to have a dirty urine (oxycodone) for my pain management appointment so I been using last few days after crossing over.

I have a legit excuse to be on opiates. I am in chronic pain. Problem is I abuse it and use heroin. Since WD'ing my tolerance is a lot lower and staying that way for now. In addition to the pain, opiates make me feel normal. I'm gonna take an honest shot at taking my medicine as prescribed now that my tolerance is lower. I'm gonna do my best to be honest with myself and if I continue abusing it I am going to cop out to my doctor, if I can do it as prescribed then I'll stay on it.

This is my last shot, I am setting limits on myself. Either I take as prescribed or less and not do dope or I come clean with my doctor and let the chips fall where they may. Knowing I am abusing them I am sure they have to detox me or cut me off. We've had a suboxone talk but I know I can survive WD and oxycodone WDs are a lot shorter than suboxone so right now, I feel suboxone would be a mistake. In my eyes it is just delaying the inevitable WD down the road and from what I hear from other people's experience Sub WD is long and drawn out and the PAWS is worse and lasts a lot longer.

I know my success rate possibility is low and I probably won't succeed trying to control my addiction, that statement is probably contradictory, but I'm gonna give it a shot. Not just for the pain but the mental and social benefits I get from opiates. I really wish there was an anti-depressant that works via endorphins and dopamine vs seratonin because I think that is the source of my issue. SSRI's never did anything for me but made me really flat emotionally. I wasn't depressed but I wasn't happy. If anything I was more apathetic and had more suicidal idealology and for the most part I am not suicidal. In my 30+ years I had one suicidal episode and it was during PAWS the first time I got clean.

Sorry for the long rant. Was more for myself I think but thanks for reading it if you did.
 
smackncheese said:
I don't know what to do. I love that warm, fuzzy, euphoricfeeling so much but hate the feeling of being perpetually trapped and sick, a prisoner of my own frail and tired body. I want so much to be able to do it 'once in a while,' and not fall into this sick everyday ritual again, but I fear sometimes I'll never have a strong enough will to reach that point.
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Rehab if you can afford it. Your problem isn't just detoxing. You need to learn what to do after you stop. One of the best ways is isolation and a support group. But if you come back to your using friends, you will do this ritual again. In other words, get rid of your using friends first, get a new phone, whatever. But make it so you can never hear from them again. I mean this dude. I can't imagine someone addicted to opiates getting clean and then coming back to friends who are using and then staying clean. Anyone done that (I'm sure, but I've never heard of one and I'd like to)?

As far as funds, etc. your parents might be happy if you volunteer to go to rehab and if they can afford it, that'd be a lifesafer for you. Getting ridof your friends, with a new phone, etc. is easy enough to do without excuses.

Still, you're on the right path. Keep it going and you'll reach your goal.
 
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