Mental Health Ways to Overcome Feeling and Acting Violent

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Title is changed, hopefully for the better. Any questions, pm me and we can compromise on a title.

We all probably at times hear people say stuff like, "Cigarettes are the reason I don't kill people," or "My gardening is why I don't strangle people who piss me off." I know I've had my fair share of reasons to want to hurt another person, ranging from "I felt he deserved it," to "She was about to reach for a kitchen knife."

Bullying, aggression, arrogance, whatever your reason was before, feel free to share your experiences with how you overcame these feelings to hurt other people and how you feel now. Or share how dealing with it now makes you feel and discover new ways to overcome from your fellow bluelighters.

I myself have struggled with this in the past: wanting to hurt someone and feeling like the feeling was either left buried like a landmine or waiting to come out again like a ferocious snake in a hole. Slowly, bit by bit I dealt with my thoughts of wanting to hurt other people. It started in a trailer park, where I had invited an almost total stranger I went to high school with to stay in my trailer. There was no set time for how long he would be living there, but very soon I began to become irritated with him. He did not do dishes, or any other chores for that matter unless when asked. He was often talking about horrible ways for people to die (a major trigger for me to want to punch someone). And I eventually tried to kill him.

I think a lot of impacting actions are driven out of love or out of fear. Fear makes people behave irrationally. Love makes people strong, wise, and caring. But where does anger fall in this? I think anger is like an angle whereas fear and/or love are the driving force that directs it somewhere. Often times this can be hazardous both to one's mental health as well as the people they live around.

Feel free to discuss coping mechanisms or strategies to contain anger and possibly turn it into something positive.
Ever felt the need to hit a random person, feeling deep down like they deserved it somehow?
What techniques or spiritual wisdom turned you into a pacifist, or the opposite - a sadist?
Is horsing around with friends okay or does it bother you?
What emotions lead to destructive behaviors and can they be useful instead of harmful?- if so, what methods did you take or have heard of others taking to strengthen your will when it comes to aggression?
Do destructive impulses become nastier if not addressed with care (when there) or not followed through with the action?- can anyone provide links that support whether repressing such anger is harmful?

This is a harm reduction thread.

 

[AbbeyLee]

I always say how glad I am we have strict gun laws because I’m sure I’d kill people. Mainly my neighbours when they’re noisy. I’ve got this sensitivity to noise which sends me into a homicidal rage. I nearly always have headphones on or earplugs.

My favourite non-chemical anger management technique is music. I even have a specific song, which I turn up as loud as possible with headphones on. It’s a live Nine Inch Nails song. If the rage keeps going I play some more NIN. Then I might move on to Slipknot.

Sometimes it just won’t go away without some kind of sedative like Valium. They’re not easy to get so I don’t have them all the time. In which case I just end up crying. I used to think crying was terrible but I’m grateful for it now. Afterwards I feel so much better. It releases stress hormones and just generally gets rid of a lot of pressure.

Our culture’s thing about men not crying is stupid and harmful. I looked up other cultures’ attitudes to men and crying, and the Samurai warriors for example cried openly around each other.

Hope that helps in some way ☺

 

[Mycophile]

You have to channel it.

Thats why, even though I haven't trained in the past year due to other obligations, i have trained in brazilian jiu-jitsu for about 24 years, as well as several other martial arts and some MMA and competed in many BJJ tournaments.

You can learn to fight and use your skills in a setting with rules, sometimes where hitting someone is either allowed, or else it might only be submission grappling/BJJ where you have to choke or joint lock someone to make them give up, and it makes one feel VERY powerful, but it also makes one more respectful IMO of others and able to recognize how easy it is to hurt someone and what the consequences really are, and provides confidence that one has at least a somewhat greater ability to defend oneself.

You can step into a dojo, hit a heavy bag or spar or wrestle with friends, unleash your anger and then go home.

It's also why i listen to a lot of angry metal music, and used to play guitar, which i'd like to get back to.

Sports, especially combat/contact sports, exercise and art are better outlets for anger and other possibly harmful emotions than drugs IMO.

 

[Mycophile]

Personally, I thoroughly disagree. Anger has helped me immensely and got me to succeed in areas I never could not have survived in (and no, am not working for Amazon ). Although I accept that everyone has different ways and motivations for living, as they will and experience is unique coping is relative to that.

However, anger is a very healthy emotion.

It motivates, regulates, energizes and sustains us. Obviously, within the dynamic of the other spectrum of emotions and with the support of cognitive functioning.

People don't like it when you don't agree with them, even if they are wrong. None of us do. We all need to learn to grow skin & learn to be resilient to deal with that; to cope and direct and demand human emotional supports in our lives, to balance antagonisms ( i.e you, me, all) which support our resilience. Life and the activity of living (individually, socially, psychologically, physiologically, etc. etc.) is not and will never be a level playing field as it never has been and it is naive and immature to demand that IMHO (in contrast to envisioning and developing, more fair/just approaches and systems - which is important to our survival); although these can not be achieved through passive means imo, as without experiential knowledge the visceral reality can not be understood or dealt with realistically and proactively.

Socially and economically, our society seems more equitable than it ever has been in history, progress and human development occur but compliance in isolation, has not necessarily facilitated this- this is a fallacy. Inequities occur but are overlooked by reframing them and hence, ignored in a passive system - this too will change, when the problems become more explicitly documented by subsequent jaded generations who will find our technology antiquated and tiresome - the failure of the systems we have enabled through our denial will be understood in more depth. As has always occurred.

Back to anger. Feelings of anger are normal on the human spectrum of emotion and need to be integrated and used efficiently and appropriately so, that we all don't destroy each other from enabling social politics and the systems that support it to control aspects of our innate humanity (including anger). Social systems often try to thwart and corrupt natural anger as it is the one emotion that can influence/instigate change in social and political systems. These thrive through consensus and compliance ( although, these too have their basic functions but are unregulated and difficult to identify as they integrate into social norms.

Aggression and anger are two different things; the former is more coercive; the latter, more genuine). Have you ever seen someone protect someone or, something they love? Anger, is the impetus that drives that protection. Without that, you got a zombified and tacit group of idiots.

As stated, it is not to say, in isolation, anger is something to aspire to ( that would be idiotic and insane as it is one emotion) but it is an innate emotion and everyone has a right to employ it as a meaningful and important emotion to respect and use, to live.

ABSOLUTELY.

I would say that anger is a very healthy emotion, and that really MOST human emotions are healthy, and that anger is not something to be ''overcome'' but something to be ''channeled''

Negative emotions, whether we are talking about anger, fear, sadness, jealousy WILL HAPPEN. They'll happen and continue to happen to everyone unless you are the buddha and have reached nirvana, and if you try to force them down they will only come out that much stronger.

Anger can be a very positive and motivating force and it has been for me as well.

Unless you are a psychopath of have some brain abnormality causing undue and unreasonable amounts of anger, usually if we are anger there is a pretty good reason for it and that means it needs to be addressed and channeled and NOT ignored.

Sweeping these things under the rug only causes further problems.