Mental Health Ways to Overcome Feeling and Acting Violent

[iridescentblack]

We all probably at times hear people say stuff like, "Cigarettes are the reason I don't kill people," or "My gardening is why I don't strangle people who piss me off." I know I've had my fair share of reasons to want to hurt another person, ranging from "I felt he deserved it," to "She was about to reach for a kitchen knife."

Bullying, aggression, arrogance, whatever your reason was before, feel free to share your experiences with how you overcame these feelings to hurt other people and how you feel now. Or share how dealing with it now makes you feel and discover new ways to overcome from your fellow bluelighters.

I myself have struggled with this in the past: wanting to hurt someone and feeling like the feeling was either left buried like a landmine or waiting to come out again like a ferocious snake in a hole. Slowly, bit by bit I dealt with my thoughts of wanting to hurt other people. It started in a trailer park, where I had invited an almost total stranger I went to high school with to stay in my trailer. There was no set time for how long he would be living there, but very soon I began to become irritated with him. He did not do dishes, or any other chores for that matter unless when asked. He was often talking about horrible ways for people to die (a major trigger for me to want to punch someone). And I eventually tried to kill him.

I think a lot of impacting actions are driven out of love or out of fear. Fear makes people behave irrationally. Love makes people strong, wise, and caring. But where does anger fall in this? I think anger is like an angle whereas fear and/or love are the driving force that directs it somewhere. Often times this can be hazardous both to one's mental health as well as the people they live around.

Feel free to discuss coping mechanisms or strategies to contain anger and possibly turn it into something positive.
Ever felt the need to hit a random person, feeling deep down like they deserved it somehow?
What techniques or spiritual wisdom turned you into a pacifist, or the opposite - a sadist?
Is horsing around with friends okay or does it bother you?
What emotions lead to destructive behaviors and can they be useful instead of harmful?- if so, what methods did you take or have heard of others taking to strengthen your will when it comes to aggression?
Do destructive impulses become nastier if not addressed with care (when there) or not followed through with the action?- can anyone provide links that support whether repressing such anger is harmful?

This is a harm reduction thread.

 

[garym]

constantly feel like hacking people to bits in the street, partly for fun, partly to obtain money for drugs. i usually lock myself away, or, when i have to go out to get my methadone script i tell myself it isn't worth trying to hurt people because i have a drug habit.

 

[Jabberwocky]

My freedom is valued more than an assault.

I recognize my anger, investigate it, realize it is just a part of me rather than who I am, then kiss it goodbye.

I think finding why we want to hurt people is important. Is it because you're hurt yourself? Or maybe you're merely mad? Curiosity for a sadist? Once we know why, it's easier to combat.

People do people things. No one's perfect. Don't have such high standards for other people so when they irritate you you find it less disturbing.

We only hurt ourselves ultimately. Let karma do its job on them.

 

[Meth novice 79]

I don’t really have thoughts of physically hurting anyone.
Mostly anger is a wasted emotion in today’s world.
Kill em with kindness

Occasionally I consider poking my kids fathers eyes out when he’s let the kids down for the 6 millionth time that week and I’m tired of wiping the tears and fixing his fuck ups.
But I don’t really need to do that, he does a good enough job at making his own life hard without my help.

 

[garym]

i hope i'm not giving an opinion where it's not wanted ? tell me to "butt out" if you want. however, if you don't mind - i think the fact that he's a poor father will hurt him without you having to resort to violence. when the kids grow up and realise (unless he change's his behaviour) he isn't that reliable, they will maybe not want to see him. sorry if my comment is unwanted.

 

[iridescentblack]

i hope i'm not giving an opinion where it's not wanted ? tell me to "butt out" if you want. however, if you don't mind - i think the fact that he's a poor father will hurt him without you having to resort to violence. when the kids grow up and realise (unless he change's his behaviour) he isn't that reliable, they will maybe not want to see him. sorry if my comment is unwanted.

I assume you're referring to a thread I made some time ago about my father. It's okay. I don't hold resentment towards him.

I developed a coping skill some years ago when I was in an abusive relationship. It gave me a psychic skill that allowed me to perceive threats. That's one of the reasons I opened this thread, is I have experience with recovering from wanting to hurt people and having come far past that.

 

[Hylight]

constantly feel like hacking people to bits in the street, partly for fun, partly to obtain money for drugs. i usually lock myself away, or, when i have to go out to get my methadone script i tell myself it isn't worth trying to hurt people because i have a drug habit.

well that was nice !

if someone fights back lol you be hurt again.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

This is a good thread. Overcoming aggression in essence.

I think there's a lot of things in one's environment that can make them more agitated. Stimulants tend to cause agitation. Fast food, being a mess of chemicals that mass the flavor of grade D meat, probably cause agitation on the comedown.

I think sometimes before I respond in text conversation. Just take a break.

When I sense myself becoming upset, I can sometimes catch it before it gets launched from my body.

If I didn't have exercise and meditation, well, then I'd be in an especially bad place. And just going through the motions to maintain function and health. Time is on my side. I'm slowly, very slowly, but surely, becoming a better and responsible adult. It's a process.

Diet plays a role, as I said...

Realizing that we only really have control over ourselves.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I don't want to go to jail.

 

[Asclepius]

We all probably at times hear people say stuff like, "Cigarettes are the reason I don't kill people," or "My gardening is why I don't strangle people who piss me off." I know I've had my fair share of reasons to want to hurt another person, ranging from "I felt he deserved it," to "She was about to reach for a kitchen knife."

Bullying, aggression, arrogance, whatever your reason was before, feel free to share your experiences with how you overcame these feelings to hurt other people and how you feel now. Or share how dealing with it now makes you feel and discover new ways to overcome from your fellow bluelighters.

Feeling of hurting people are fine - they are just feelings.

Acting out those feelings means you plan to do it - two completely different functions involved...can you explain what your post is about or, what you are focusing on - regulating behaviour or, regulating emotion; or, eliminating/repressing feelings? It hasn't been made clear, or, explicit by your OP?

 

[Asclepius]

I don’t really have thoughts of physically hurting anyone.
Mostly anger is a wasted emotion in today’s world.

Personally, I thoroughly disagree. Anger has helped me immensely and got me to succeed in areas I never could not have survived in (and no, am not working for Amazon ). Although I accept that everyone has different ways and motivations for living, as they will and experience is unique coping is relative to that.

However, anger is a very healthy emotion.

It motivates, regulates, energizes and sustains us. Obviously, within the dynamic of the other spectrum of emotions and with the support of cognitive functioning.

People don't like it when you don't agree with them, even if they are wrong. None of us do. We all need to learn to grow skin & learn to be resilient to deal with that; to cope and direct and demand human emotional supports in our lives, to balance antagonisms ( i.e you, me, all) which support our resilience. Life and the activity of living (individually, socially, psychologically, physiologically, etc. etc.) is not and will never be a level playing field as it never has been and it is naive and immature to demand that IMHO (in contrast to envisioning and developing, more fair/just approaches and systems - which is important to our survival); although these can not be achieved through passive means imo, as without experiential knowledge the visceral reality can not be understood or dealt with realistically and proactively.

Socially and economically, our society seems more equitable than it ever has been in history, progress and human development occur but compliance in isolation, has not necessarily facilitated this- this is a fallacy. Inequities occur but are overlooked by reframing them and hence, ignored in a passive system - this too will change, when the problems become more explicitly documented by subsequent jaded generations who will find our technology antiquated and tiresome - the failure of the systems we have enabled through our denial will be understood in more depth. As has always occurred.

Back to anger. Feelings of anger are normal on the human spectrum of emotion and need to be integrated and used efficiently and appropriately so, that we all don't destroy each other from enabling social politics and the systems that support it to control aspects of our innate humanity (including anger). Social systems often try to thwart and corrupt natural anger as it is the one emotion that can influence/instigate change in social and political systems. These thrive through consensus and compliance ( although, these too have their basic functions but are unregulated and difficult to identify as they integrate into social norms.

Aggression and anger are two different things; the former is more coercive; the latter, more genuine). Have you ever seen someone protect someone or, something they love? Anger, is the impetus that drives that protection. Without that, you got a zombified and tacit group of idiots.

As stated, it is not to say, in isolation, anger is something to aspire to ( that would be idiotic and insane as it is one emotion) but it is an innate emotion and everyone has a right to employ it as a meaningful and important emotion to respect and use, to live.

 

[iridescentblack]

Feeling of hurting people are fine - they are just feelings.

I suppose they are okay for some, but I'm a hypersensitive person. It affects me on a deeper level than most. Moreso when others have those feelings towards me.

Acting out those feelings means you plan to do it - two completely different functions involved...can you explain what your post is about or, what you are focusing on - regulating behaviour or, regulating emotion; or, eliminating/repressing feelings? It hasn't been made clear, or, explicit by your OP?

I'll put some edits to it.

 

[garym]

well that was nice !

if someone fights back lol you be hurt again.

Never said i would, said i feel like doing so. been stabbed, so i know violence begats violence.

 

[garym]

Hylight, that isn't to say if someone started to attack me first, i'd just take it, unless they've shot or stabbed me first, getting stabbed can really fuck your day up. i tend to not go out unarmed, so someone attacking me would get a little suprise.

 

[MJ420]

constantly feel like hacking people to bits in the street, partly for fun, partly to obtain money for drugs. i usually lock myself away, or, when i have to go out to get my methadone script i tell myself it isn't worth trying to hurt people because i have a drug habit.

I hope your trolling is

I get the urge to hurt my ex because he hurt me. I also like freedom and wouldn't want jail so that keeps me from taking a baseball bat to him.
I have never wanted to hurt someone unless they hurt me

 

[Zonxx]

"My gardening is why I don't strangle people who piss me off."

Taking a shit in peace keeps me from strangling someone, better not use all the toilet paper, it'll turn zonxx greener than he already is, better run when you see a vibrant green zonxx coming your way

Hurting others is a poor way to handle conflict especially if it's just an outburst, best deal with problems at the root than cause additional ones.

 

[G_Chem]

Well for me, it’s a combination of good diet, exercise, and the RIGHT drugs... If I get into using the wrong shit too often I can become one mean MF. If I don’t eat properly or don’t workout, I become a mean MF.

As I get older too and my belief in karma becomes stronger I am better at letting things go and trusting the universe will take care of it. I used to be an eye for your family kinda guy, you hurt me and I make you feel like you just woke up in a real life nightmare. But that only brought about bad karma for me too looking back on it.

These days I only let it out if people really deserve it. I try to be like my father, that man is the meanest angriest SOB I’ve ever known but he’s learned how to reign it in. I’ve onlt seen him go off a few times and when he does people truly get hurt.

I also feel that training in fighting arts can be a good release and allows one to better gauge and discern whether fucking someone up is truly worth it or not, aka am I in danger?..

-GC

 

[garym]

MJ420 not sure i understand if you think i'm on here trying to troll other's post's. for the record, as they say, i was trying to be honest. i don't do taking the piss out of other's emotions as i know how hard it is to control my own.

 

[iridescentblack]

As far as I remember I was a really angry or angsty kid. I remember, at times, wanting to bite people so hard I could tear their skin off. A therapist of mine says such feelings as a child are completely normal. I used to get so angry at my brother I'd throw heavy objects at him, heavy enough to cause some serious damage, but I always missed by a longshot and I think it was because of the conflict of feelings. Love vs hatred. Growing up, as a teenager, I guess I had put aside most of my drive to want to hurt people, being more occupied with puberty and all, but when I rolled out of my teens I noticed some of those frustrations had merely been "bottled up". When they began to rise to the surface, I think the timing could not have been worse.

I had a roommate in my trailer who did not do chores without being asked. He did not shower regularly, did not pay rent, and probably the thing that got me the most was the fact he was CONSTANTLY talking about brutal ways to murder people. Being a highly sensitive person, I cannot even begin to express the amount of influence this had on my rising anxiety, but it got bad enough that I literally did try to kill him. So let me tell some of you I've sorta been there, sorta done that, but I agree with some that it is probably more a necessity to think/act violently when threatened or hurt by other people.

It was around those years of living in that trailer park I began to become more and more spiritual. Stronger too. I noticed though, my urges were not going away and it was affecting my meditation and other activities. I felt I could be far more productive in anything if I could just "fix myself". I started doing this thing where I would just kind of shake or vibrate my body whenever I had the urge to hurt someone. I'm not sure if I can explain this well scientifically, but I believe there's a chemical urge that fights for the release of dopamine and sometimes when adrenaline is up the best course of action is to literally put the body into action somehow. Through that, I was able to manage my urges to the point I don't think about hurting anyone.

I'm hoping this thread will develop into one that can effectively teach people what it takes to overcome the urge to hurt someone, for those who are willing to take that upon themselves. I understand everybody is different and our ways of learning have their many ups and downs as well as twists and crannies. I've longed to be able to teach people what I've learned through my own self-discovery on this particular subject because I know it's one that can eat away at the soul. But I'm not pressuring anyone to minimize their urges to the point of severe submissiveness, which I suppose is what a lack of aggression might result in. It takes a lot of discipline to develop your kung fu- whether that be baking bread or breaking bricks.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Bottom line is no one is born wanting to hurt people; hurt people hurt people.

With age you just get tired, man. I'm 28 now, graduated college, worked at a corporate bank, been hospitalized 8 times, detained once, homeless for 2 years.. and not only had physical highs and lows but also emotional highs and lows, being bipolar. A lot of people say physically vent your frustrations, do this do that, but IMO it's more psychological. I needed to understand i can not control other people. But i can control myself. After you really internalize that, things get a bit easier.

And trust me, i try to manipulate people to no end. This only works for so long and ultimately bites you in the ass.

From there you can try to dig deeper into your own hurt to try to get to the root of the problem, and accept your past so that you have more control over your future. Sorta sounds cheesy and shit, but it's all i can say (aside from what i said earlier in the thread).

I'm young and have a lot to learn, but i hope something i said someone can use.