My mom has come to my home to be here for my daughter's baby shower. I have been having to take care of her. She never makes it to the potty on time. She stumbles. She's weak. She can't get up or down by herself. She's had a lot of health problems and she has a lot of pain.
That being said, she takes so many pills I don't understand how her doctors allow her all these meds. Oxycodone, hydrocodone, methadone, plus benzos lorazapam and xanax, plus ambien when is a hypnotic on her.
And she drinks a couple of bottles of wine every day with her meds.
Right now she is asleep next to me. Passed out cold. She gets fucked up to the max every day. She walks and talks and acts out scenes from something, I don't know what, late at night.
Thisi is the last time she will be in my home. My kids have all been hugging her and being loving... we all know it's the last time she'll be with us all together. She knows it too and she made me drive us past our old house, where I grew up. I knew she wanted to see it for the last time. She often has tears in her eyes because she knows this trip has proven to all of us, the whole family, that she can't travel anymore. In fact she needs a caretaker. I don't know about any of that stuff.
The baby shower is Saturday and I will be driving her home to nor cali Saturday night after the shower. I have to drive home Sunday because I have to be to work Mon morn. It is such a mournful sight... her back curving over, her stumbling walk, her confusion.
Her confusion is most disconcerting. She doesn't know how to count anymore. She counts her money, then puts away and then counts again 6 more times, mumbling to herself the whole time. She can't remember my kids or my sister's daughter's names. Her confusion is getting a bit worse with the passing of the weeks.
All I know for sure is that I'm losing her. She's here now but it won't be very long... I don't know what it feels like to lose a parent. I wonder how I'll find my through this labyrinth of loss.
That being said, she takes so many pills I don't understand how her doctors allow her all these meds. Oxycodone, hydrocodone, methadone, plus benzos lorazapam and xanax, plus ambien when is a hypnotic on her.
And she drinks a couple of bottles of wine every day with her meds.
Right now she is asleep next to me. Passed out cold. She gets fucked up to the max every day. She walks and talks and acts out scenes from something, I don't know what, late at night.
Thisi is the last time she will be in my home. My kids have all been hugging her and being loving... we all know it's the last time she'll be with us all together. She knows it too and she made me drive us past our old house, where I grew up. I knew she wanted to see it for the last time. She often has tears in her eyes because she knows this trip has proven to all of us, the whole family, that she can't travel anymore. In fact she needs a caretaker. I don't know about any of that stuff.
The baby shower is Saturday and I will be driving her home to nor cali Saturday night after the shower. I have to drive home Sunday because I have to be to work Mon morn. It is such a mournful sight... her back curving over, her stumbling walk, her confusion.
Her confusion is most disconcerting. She doesn't know how to count anymore. She counts her money, then puts away and then counts again 6 more times, mumbling to herself the whole time. She can't remember my kids or my sister's daughter's names. Her confusion is getting a bit worse with the passing of the weeks.
All I know for sure is that I'm losing her. She's here now but it won't be very long... I don't know what it feels like to lose a parent. I wonder how I'll find my through this labyrinth of loss.
