GoingStRaNgE
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2002
- Messages
- 1,331
open to critique <-------------
wash, rinse, repeat... eat (devour)
holy shit!
im reminded of a monster i once knew. i felt it before... creeping around but know i see it. a slight change in appearenceand i realize she's been lurking under the skin of another all along. yes... the devil is a she.and her head spews flames that char the ceiling. . . at least sometimes.
is she omnipresent? occupying two spaces at one time? is this possible? no... it is not..
merely a... manifestation. mabye things were going to smooth with me. i was due for a dose of...subhuman betrayal on a lite, reminding level to see that no matter how much i want to trust people... no matter how much hope i see in humanity... monsters creep amoung us.
i have come to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and i'm all out of gum. sometimes it seems speacial specticals would rip the shroud of unsuspecting alien forces who have dominated. no, they dont control us sublimanily... but yes, yes they taunt and tease us. they fuck us over. deny you your raise, spend three years with you then leave, spend one night with you then claw at your soul, spend 42 weeks with you in a jail cell, they send you away and tell you its ok...... send you away...
sent away...
red hair...
42....
fears..........................
why am i fearful of death?
i am a first generation fuck up.
i am a 5th generation imagrint, second generation scolar, but ... but... first generation fuck up. will i live past 42? why does that number haunt me. my father is the exception... the only to live longer than 42... will i be blessed by that?
or am i a sham? do i ride on something ment to send me to hell? do these red hair freaks follow me for a reason? taunting me with all but pitchforks. i can even smell the brimstone...
shouldnt read into that though... could be skizophrenia...
i am going to watch over my funeral, much like ive watched myself while on k...
i will think of where my 42 years have gone...
first 15 years was such a burst of attention deficit i cant remember it...
then anger, false rebellion...
then sent away, so far i cant feel... into trees and mountains for false hope. three years of brain program for 3 months of ritcheoous living.
then the lies. i lie to myself. sending others to hell by the truck. some i still see every day burning and crying. it started with ecstacy and ended with agony.
i am fuck around joe... running from redheaded monsters. theyve chased me from jobs, into trees, away from friends, into the corner with nothing but the 'center of the world' at my fingertips. all that power with no clue.
I've already been through half of my life. where will the other half lead me? im too smart for college and to stupid to work. im sure ill leave at least 3 kids beind me.. one bearing my name, two bearing my curse, the third having to worry about neither... just trying to cope with depression, suicide, madness, and, worst of all, love.
where do i go from here? swimming in this sea of monsters pitted against me... turning friends to foes and bringing them back again. i cant be worth much... i cant even sum up the end of the world in 12 parts.... ive been trying for nearly a year. or was it a week and crying for nearly a year? no matter....
help does not exist. do not scoff... ive looked. brainwashing, judgement, rightceoussness, and apathy do exist. i've even been turned away by a 12 step group and no im not addicted to booze. i looked for my demon and she was there telling me i have the worst case of addiction ever witnessed but, gee, sorry, we're a little full right now.
but i digress... where is she know? lurking merely 75 miles away in the arms of three unwitting people...
and 5 miles away stealing a third... one third.. of my present day. pissing on two thirds... two thirds of my yesterday. she knows she doesnt look the part but she tries, she tries.assuming my indentity once again. i killed a part of myself to purge her before... im willing to do so again. i just ask myself.... is that what defeats her? loosing her connection to the source... my life force? or is that all she wants...? thriving on a greater darkness killing parts of joes?
~Straaange
wash, rinse, repeat... eat (devour)
holy shit!
im reminded of a monster i once knew. i felt it before... creeping around but know i see it. a slight change in appearenceand i realize she's been lurking under the skin of another all along. yes... the devil is a she.and her head spews flames that char the ceiling. . . at least sometimes.
is she omnipresent? occupying two spaces at one time? is this possible? no... it is not..
merely a... manifestation. mabye things were going to smooth with me. i was due for a dose of...subhuman betrayal on a lite, reminding level to see that no matter how much i want to trust people... no matter how much hope i see in humanity... monsters creep amoung us.
i have come to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and i'm all out of gum. sometimes it seems speacial specticals would rip the shroud of unsuspecting alien forces who have dominated. no, they dont control us sublimanily... but yes, yes they taunt and tease us. they fuck us over. deny you your raise, spend three years with you then leave, spend one night with you then claw at your soul, spend 42 weeks with you in a jail cell, they send you away and tell you its ok...... send you away...
sent away...
red hair...
42....
fears..........................
why am i fearful of death?
i am a first generation fuck up.
i am a 5th generation imagrint, second generation scolar, but ... but... first generation fuck up. will i live past 42? why does that number haunt me. my father is the exception... the only to live longer than 42... will i be blessed by that?
or am i a sham? do i ride on something ment to send me to hell? do these red hair freaks follow me for a reason? taunting me with all but pitchforks. i can even smell the brimstone...
shouldnt read into that though... could be skizophrenia...
i am going to watch over my funeral, much like ive watched myself while on k...
i will think of where my 42 years have gone...
first 15 years was such a burst of attention deficit i cant remember it...
then anger, false rebellion...
then sent away, so far i cant feel... into trees and mountains for false hope. three years of brain program for 3 months of ritcheoous living.
then the lies. i lie to myself. sending others to hell by the truck. some i still see every day burning and crying. it started with ecstacy and ended with agony.
i am fuck around joe... running from redheaded monsters. theyve chased me from jobs, into trees, away from friends, into the corner with nothing but the 'center of the world' at my fingertips. all that power with no clue.
I've already been through half of my life. where will the other half lead me? im too smart for college and to stupid to work. im sure ill leave at least 3 kids beind me.. one bearing my name, two bearing my curse, the third having to worry about neither... just trying to cope with depression, suicide, madness, and, worst of all, love.
where do i go from here? swimming in this sea of monsters pitted against me... turning friends to foes and bringing them back again. i cant be worth much... i cant even sum up the end of the world in 12 parts.... ive been trying for nearly a year. or was it a week and crying for nearly a year? no matter....
help does not exist. do not scoff... ive looked. brainwashing, judgement, rightceoussness, and apathy do exist. i've even been turned away by a 12 step group and no im not addicted to booze. i looked for my demon and she was there telling me i have the worst case of addiction ever witnessed but, gee, sorry, we're a little full right now.
but i digress... where is she know? lurking merely 75 miles away in the arms of three unwitting people...
and 5 miles away stealing a third... one third.. of my present day. pissing on two thirds... two thirds of my yesterday. she knows she doesnt look the part but she tries, she tries.assuming my indentity once again. i killed a part of myself to purge her before... im willing to do so again. i just ask myself.... is that what defeats her? loosing her connection to the source... my life force? or is that all she wants...? thriving on a greater darkness killing parts of joes?
~Straaange
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