want to die

[itsok]

i have abused so many drugs to the point that i am a zombie. i want to die. i am given everything and nothing makes me ok. i feel like im out of optionis. i thought about a hosp and induced coma. im trying to not kill myself but the pain is too great. i dont expect any help. i wish i never did drugs. i wish i had never lived. im not going to do anything bad.

suboxone methodone ketamine crack cocain heroin clodnidine xanax ambien numerous research chemicals. smoking cigarettes. alcohol, everything makes me feel bad. ppl around me taking care of me attending to my every need. i would go to jail. i dont care. i have no life. im just waiting it out ...

 

[sleepwalker]

Death is no escape.
Come to your senses, and realize there's nothing left , but to become clean.
Truth hurts, but it seems like this is the time.

and believe me, things can change, even though life may be total hell.
been a zombie for many years, but enjoy the free life more and more.
Hang in there!

 

[itsok]

hanging in there im doin.g it is a living hell. i see so much suffering on this board, bluelight. i thought it couldnt get worse and it does ,. this is no mercy...

 

[halycyondaze]

I think you have to think what do you want....to die or for the pain to end? If its the latter, then please hold onto the fact that there is someone out there who can properly help you find your way out of the pain. Just keep searching when you feel strong enough to. Chemicals arent working for you, so its almost certainly a good supportive therapist and other supports you need. When you dont feel too strong, keep safe and get people around you. Its a slow change that will help you move towards something much more postive and worthwhile. Take care.

 

[itsok]

i want to die...... but i dnt want to hurt my parents. so choice b. chemicals dont work but i want a coma

 

[LittlebyLittle]

describe your pain. is it the pain of just living and suffering through that and so forth or are you also suffering from physical pain? i understand you've gone through a lot of drug abuse but there's a LOT of light on the other side of that shit.

 

[ocean]

Please seek medical attention.

 

[halycyondaze]

God love you mate. Ive worked with lots of people where you are now and it goes, but you need to get support. If not for you, then for your parents for now. Admit you cant take the pain anymore. Then see your doctor. Look for the right people and supports to help you out of this.

 

[NotQuiteAnonymous]

Things only get worse until you have an awakening...

You can't change the past, but you have a very heavy influence on your future by making the choices that you know in your heart are right for you in the present moment.

you've taken a huge step by admitting your substance abuse has deeply affected your life. You should search online and see what resources are available to help you right now.

AA/NA meetings happen regularly...some even occur online. i suggest attending a few meetings...the sooner the better.

Understand that keeping the same self-destructive thought patterns only causes you to continue to behave self-destructively...

Get some paper and write down: -what you want to accomplish and why.
-the different options available to you (AA/NA mtgs./rehab/hospitalization/therapy/etc.) and pros/cons of each.

Decide which is best for you and write:
-the date you wish to start.
-the steps you need to take to get treatment by that date.
-work on them one by one so you can achieve your goal.

I wish you all the best!

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Excellent advice.

itsok, I know what it's like to feel like you're out of options. When you're depressed and in pain, your judgement and reality is clouded and you can't see things clearly, therefore how can you make the right decisions? You need to seek some help. I know you feel like there's nothing that can help you now but there is. There are ways to get out of this mess you're in and death is not one of those options.

Good luck, and let us know how you're going