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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Waking up every morning with high anxiety?

No, dude, I've got the worst mindset. The only thing that separates us is that I'm trying embarrassingly hard to change my mindset to that of someone who is having wanton fun on planet earth. We're stuck with constraints about what it means to have fun and be human, to enjoy life. There are many parts animal, maybe more than there are human. Coming to grip with these instincts and accepting them is harder when the instincts are causing severe fear. Maybe you have a legitimate reason to be afraid, or maybe it is a disorder. Maybe the truth is somewhere in between. But no one is attacking you right now as you read this, so you can manually turn part of your animal fear instinct off. Just keep it off for a while and see how it feels. I'm trying my best to cast it away, and it makes life much more unpleasant. But the alternative is riding out the feeling and watching opportunities go by and watching the structure sit unchanged when it could have my marks all over it. You don't have to change, just become who you are. It's not meaningless to be here - you are the decider of what is meaningful, like a God of the interpretations of everything you see, and therefore basically a God in the truest sense. Think about it: there's no way to prove that you didn't invent this whole reality, and that we aren;t all part of your dream. Maybe your anxiety comes from the knowledge that you can largely control what reality looks like, and this is a great responsibility.
 
Your post put a smile on my face lol

I've pondered the thought that we actually all exist from a geniuses supercomputer in the future.. I mean.. in ten years who says we won't have evolved technologically enough to create an artificial universe simulation with millions of randomly coded artificial intelligence giving us (the program) the illusion of reality and that we are self aware and conscious. I think in ten years we could probably do it, so who says we're not just the creation of some genius in the future running a simulation off of his computer for fun? and he could press the reset button at any time?

I'm kinda going off topic here lol.
 
Fuck it. What would it be like if we let the other people run this fucking planet? If we didn't come around once every generation or so earth would be a fascist shithole. It already almost is! If you let it get to the point where they're the only people n charge of creating a universe out of pure math and computers, imagine the travesty they would create. It would be like a terrible clock that functions forever and ever. Because of us, there might be deep depressions in the surface of space taking the form of black holes and shit like that. All of the best work in the world comes from a deeper sense of pain and anxiety than the normal people are even capable of feeling.
 
Illuminati runs the planet.. Some call me a conspiracy theorist but it's true. I'm pretty sure it's evident stephen harper didn't win the election properly if suddenly after his re-election healthcare workers, educational workers, etc. are all going on strike.. He's a puppet. Like Obama, bush or any other people that are in favour of new world order.
 
This thread got interesting! I almost feel guilty to derail this interesting conversation to address the original post.

I've had problems with anxiety for years now and I know exactly what you are feeling as far as the anxiety when you wake up and your rising tolerance to the xanax. It's always harder when your life is in a precarious state too, this just adds stress, I'm in a similar position as you as far as that goes.

In my opinion Xanax is too short acting to give you the relief you need for now, you mentioned that Klonopin didn't work for you but it works for me as far as stabilizing my anxiety levels to a much more manageable level. I'd see if your Doctor can prescribe you Klonopin with your Xanax, Xanax works great for panic attacks and you can feel it more but Klonopin once it builds up in your system will usually reduce your need for the Xanax. You're still addicted to a benzo but you're not constantly on the verge of withdrawal, it's much smoother that way.

Maybe the Seroquel would help alot too, I don't know I've never tried it, Klonopin is what helped me get my anxiety down to a manageable level. The suboxone and ritalin help me too but we're all different.

I no longer take Xanax more than once a month or two. Also if you're feeling paranoid and are still smoking weed daily you may want to stop for awhile or cut down. I used to be calm and relaxed on weed and used it everyday, then it turned on me and made me paranoid and gave me panic attacks. I eventually just quit smoking weed altogether and that helped a lot on it's own, though it did lead me to using opiates more often.... which is why I'm now on subs.

Anyway, good luck, I think you need a longer acting benzo for now, maybe you have access to the Xanax Extended Release pills that I've heard work well but have never tried. I hate being dependent on Benzos but I need them for now, I've tried tapering a few times and have lowered my dose numerous times but it always goes back up during stressful periods. Try and stay in regular contact with your Psychiatrist too, since the better they know you the better they'll be able to treat you.

alright, now back to your conversation which is much more interesting than my post.
 
Little off topic, bot not really.

captainballs said:
Your purpose is to be the eyes and ears of the universe, not to change its processes but to promote your own ability to be conscious.
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Absurd-ism was my inevitable result to this problem as well.

When you're keenly tuned into the inner and outer workings of the universe, or particularly apt for that kind perception, it's easy to fall into an existential conundrum.


Stay.Blazed.420 said:
Your post put a smile on my face lol

I've pondered the thought that we actually all exist from a geniuses supercomputer in the future.. I mean.. in ten years who says we won't have evolved technologically enough to create an artificial universe simulation with millions of randomly coded artificial intelligence giving us (the program) the illusion of reality and that we are self aware and conscious. I think in ten years we could probably do it, so who says we're not just the creation of some genius in the future running a simulation off of his computer for fun? and he could press the reset button at any time?

I'm kinda going off topic here lol.
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Trust me Stayblazed, nihlism; though seemingly flawless in logic when you sink into that deep, bland state of depression, is a true dead end.



Here's an eloquent excerpt from the excellent novel Cats Cradle, written by Kurt Vonnegut, affirming these ideas.

Jonah confronts nihilism, the second of the triangle's vertices, before his visit to San Lorenzo, and it is depicted as similarly restrictive. While Jonah is away, a nihilist by the name of Sherman Krebbs lives in his apartment. When Jonah returns he says, "I found my apartment wrecked by a nihilistic debauch. Krebbs was gone; but, before leaving, he had run up three-hundred dollars' worth of long-distance calls, set my couch on fire in five place, killed my cat and my avocado tree, and torn the door off my medicine cabinetÉthere was a sign hung around my dead cat's neck. It said, 'Meow'" (Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle, 78). In Vonnegut's eyes, nihilism's attempt to renounce "artificial" meaning by directly confronting reality leads to the deterioration and psychosis of the individual who exploits this approach. This is concretely symbolized through the words of "nihilistic debauch," and the scene of comedic chaos Jonah goes on to describe. Jonah's reaction to this is simply, "after I saw what Krebbs had done, in particular what he had done to my sweet cat, nihilism was not for meÉ.Well done, Mr. Krebbs, well done" (79). The "well done" connotes Jonah's ironic appreciation for the way in which Krebbs deters him from a philosophy of meaninglessness where there is no room for foma. In Krebbs's psychosis there is a bridge to Freud's theory of repression. If nihilists repress their fantasy while constructing a concrete model of insignificance and disconnection, then the repression of their more meaningful fantasies, such as day-dreams of love, might lead to the demented eruptions characterized by Krebbs.
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Though life may seem unorthodox, random, and completely void of all meaning, it is up to YOU to make that meaning. The only validity you have is what you create for yourself, and though there are many obstactles we must face to reach these important precipices of knowledge and contentment, you need to believe they are worth striving for. If you will it it is no dream.
 
thouart_that said:
Absurd-ism was my inevitable result to this problem as well.

When you're keenly tuned into the inner and outer workings of the universe, or particularly apt for that kind perception, it's easy to fall into an existential conundrum.

Trust me Stayblazed, nihlism; though seemingly flawless in logic when you sink into that deep, bland state of depression, is a true dead end.

Though life may seem unorthodox, random, and completely void of all meaning, it is up to YOU to make that meaning. The only validity you have is what you create for yourself, and though there are many obstactles we must face to reach these important precipices of knowledge and contentment, you need to believe they are worth striving for. If you will it it is no dream.
Click to expand...

Huh, I just read the article on absurdism in wikipedia and that about sums it up. It's actually very closely related to this thread and many others in the dark side. I know you're not going to believe this, but search your memory and guess what author I stole my post from: Kurt Vonnegut.

The part after the comma is mine, but the part about being the eyes and ears of God (or "the Universe," as I put it) is his - pretty sure it came out of the book he released shortly before he died called "Man without a country," but I also think it might be from "Sirens of Titan." It's impossible to tell, because after you've read more than 5 of his books, you can tell that they all may as well be combined into one book without respect to plot or characters (I am seriously burned out on Vonnegut as of like 10 years ago, and will probably never re-read anything of his ever again despite him being one of the most interesting authors).

Nihilism is simply incompatible with the typical human psyche, and as much as I like to pretend that I am unique and above it all, the fact is that I am more prone to the more emotional reactions that people have. As are most people who suffer from extreme anxiety, I would assume...
 
Great minds think alike mother fucker!


Me and the Cap'n are sharing a similar wavelength today. I'll probably give you a call in a little bit, I've got great news.

<3

+1 on Vonnegut. I'm getting a sweet portrait (sleeve) first thing when I climb the ladder and have some real bread. All the dead whimsical figures who shaped my psyche: Carlin, Bruce, Burroughs, Vonnegut (already have Thompson). It's going to be surreal. But I'm off on another mad tangent again hahaha.


And yeah Lacster he stopped smoking weed he's on probation. If he smoked interestingly enough, it could potentially HELP his depression. I'm not advising this for obvious reasons, but I won't be a hipocrite either. I smoked pot from age 12-22 (26 now) and it kept me grounded and creative.

Don't smoke Blazed, stay on the path. I took 3 years off and went back a few months back and was a far better man for it. I do not smoke now, however. I've been sober besides my prescribed magical medicine regimen. Took 10 years to find the right balance, but I did.

And with the benzos, LESS is definitely more. Use them sparingly if you can, use low dose NMDA antagonists to lower/prevent future tolerance, and try to stay busy.

Are you on an SSRI by chance?
 
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Reconnected with my old Doctor today. Formally started me on Lyrica 75mgtid, clonazepam .5bid (prn) and mirtazapine 15mg at HS (hour of sleep). Basically everything I asked. Listened to me, treated me like a human being, even made a joke about me "doing his job for him" with a wry half grin. It was wonderful. It's very rare you'll find a Psychiatrist who respects your opinion. I felt redeemed.

My doctor is a saint. I've been seeing him on and off for 8 years, but since I've been bounced around the country I keep getting stuck with these conch pricks who try and reevaluate me at age 26. No asshole. I'm the same. Nothings changed. Ask my doctor. He knows. Sweetest old man I've ever met. Warmed my heart and I've been in an extravagant mood all day, reconnecting with old friends and whooping it up in the name of hope.

Next Random psych who tries that on me is getting an ode' to Curly poke right in the fucking eye.

At least I've documentation now and 3 months of meds! Moving to KS Monday. Sorry to derail Blazer I just thought I'd tell you how things are going on my end.

I still have trial in 3 months in upstate NY, godwilling. Ugh.


WE WILL MARCH ON A ROAD OF BONES

Sorry for the tangent, I just wanted to fill you in on my shit, since you've been sharing so much of yours.

Send word.
 
Good to hear man! My psychiatrist is a joke as seen here. My family doctor has been my doc since a baby and he knows my piece of shit dad and what i've been through and what bad qualities my dad passed onto me genetically..

Question (if you don't mind answering that's completely fine, i'm just curious), what are your charges that you're going to trial for?

My trial is at the end of November.. *sigh*

oh and another thing about the psych i have - is when i told him my concerns about taking the lamotrigine he just kept saying 'it's just a pill, you just have a sip of water and swallow it', 'just swallow it down its easy' etc.. talking to me like i'm a fucking retard who doesn't know how to take a pill... THE REASON I DIDN'T TAKE IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS CONCERNED OF THE SIDE EFFECTS, JACKASS! and he also said 'don't worry about the side effects just take the pill and let it do it's job'.. like wtf!
 
One thing you could try is meditation, I've heard of it helping some people. I bet if you learn to concentrate and control your feelings, over time you might need the pills less.

I get the same thing you do, to some extent, waking up in the morning with a lot of worries.
If your biggest worry is about jail, and being caught, maybe there is some way you could confront that fear?

I know the benzos help, but the amount you're doing might be making the problem worse. If you feel horrible anytime the drugs aren't in effect, that can't be good. Maybe you need to change something about your lifestyle that's making you uncomfortable, it's hard to figure out exactly what that is sometimes, but it's totally possible.
 
Stay.Blazed.420 said:
Good to hear man! My psychiatrist is a joke as seen here. My family doctor has been my doc since a baby and he knows my piece of shit dad and what i've been through and what bad qualities my dad passed onto me genetically..

Question (if you don't mind answering that's completely fine, i'm just curious), what are your charges that you're going to trial for?

My trial is at the end of November.. *sigh*

oh and another thing about the psych i have - is when i told him my concerns about taking the lamotrigine he just kept saying 'it's just a pill, you just have a sip of water and swallow it', 'just swallow it down its easy' etc.. talking to me like i'm a fucking retard who doesn't know how to take a pill... THE REASON I DIDN'T TAKE IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS CONCERNED OF THE SIDE EFFECTS, JACKASS! and he also said 'don't worry about the side effects just take the pill and let it do it's job'.. like wtf!
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http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=576956
 
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