Waiting

So I'm aware that my thoughts are erratic, emotional, unbalanced and that I get dark quickly. Others recognize this as well.

I've made a doctor's appointment for a psych evaluation for medication.

Now that I'm aware, I question everything regarding my moods and thoughts. I ask myself 'Is this a normal thought or one of those fucked up ones?' or 'Is this feeling justified or based on some sort of unreal reality that I've created?'

I fucking hate it. I feel 'off' more often than not due to this awareness that I could be off. I surround myself with 'what ifs'.

I really look forward to this doctor's appointment. I want to get back to feeling like me again.

What really scared me was that a few days ago I figured I would try St. John's Wort as an alternative to meds. Fuck that shit. I have to assume that there was a correlation between taking that shit and the horrible mental anguish I found myself in. I hadn't experienced that feeling in a LONG time. Suicidal, believing fantasy (no matter how unreal I knew it to be), hopelessness and sleeplessness.

I don't want to feel like this anymore. Its not rational.

People I am close to recognize it so I start thinking that it must be worse than I believe. If I'm feeling it what are they seeing from the outside?

Monday will be here soon and then I will be on the road to some answers.

Just gotta get through until Monday without causing any damage to myself or the relationships I value.

I wish I hadn't sat in denial for so long. It appears I have delayed a bit too long.

I'll suck it up and before I know it, I'll feel better

 

Yeah I wound up taking lyrica last year to try and help with benzo w/d, and that threw me into disphoria and self harm idealizations, it was terrible but I knew the cause.

Have you ever tried hypnosis OD ?

I also went through this same routine of thought for years -
Not sure what helped personally.
~

A lion might drink from the water but not see his reflection
Or in the ripples where if, what is seen
is distorted,
He is still a lion.

 

No, never tried hypnosis. I'm open-minded towards it but it hasn't presented itself to me as of yet

A lion might drink from the water but not see his reflection
Or in the ripples where if, what is seen
is distorted,
He is still a lion.

Is this a PIP original? I quite like it!

 

hehe it is in part an old story ...
Hindu mythology ;-)

This part is original.
_________
Or in the ripples where if, what is seen
is distorted,
He is still a lion.

 

... So you need to balance your mind & body, in order to gain more of a connection with your higherself ?

this is the definition of Yoga, Balance !
Coincidently enough, today starts the best time of the year to begin the first of nine simple steps...one step each day until the 31st.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FYtX7xsXxw

from enlighten up!


___________
HEY BKS, yoga is ?

' a way of eradicating the instinctual weakness' of human beings
for some it might be fast, for some it might be slow
but change has to take place, transformation has to take place
whoever it may be
in what ever average of conditions there are'

 

don't beat yourself up for waiting too long...you're getting help NOW and that's what matters.

 

I met with the doc Monday night and I really like the guy. Very real. Very thorough.

He offered the options of Effexor, Cymbalta or Prestiq. I went with the SNRI, Effexor.

I'm prescribed 75mg per day for the first five days (one XR pill). After the fifth day, I'm to take two pills per day.

I'm on day three and already notice a difference. I feel more level headed and peaceful. I have better focus and more energy. Thoughts that would usually take me to dark places in my head don't affect me.

I'm very hopeful and this is a long needed resolution to those painful thoughts that breed painful emotions.

The full effects shouldn't reveal themselves for a couple of weeks.

It sure is nice to feel balanced and to have hope

 

Hi,

I too suffer from depression and know how debilatating this condition can be. At times it has caused me to just close up and not let anyone else inside my world. But with the help of a good doctor and a good med combination, has made a great deal of a difference in my life. I am bipolar, with anxiety, depression, add and insomnia. So thats a pretty messed up combination. I take abilify, cymbalta and adderall. For the sleep I take a strong muscle relaxer because I have a bad back and am always in pain.

I wish you lots of luck on your search, for I can understand what you are going thru.
Just please don't act on impulse because the last thing you need is to get in trouble with the law and sit in jail.
I had that happen to me while I was 7 months pregnant for about 2 months and it Sucked. Now I have a felony
record and can't find a job. But at the same time, I am waiting on disability to come thru. So we will see what happens.

Im glad you are feeling better but the most important thing is to keep taking your meds every single day without missing.

That will make a great difference.. Dont forget you will have good days and bad days.

 

I also suffer from mental illness. i have really bad panic disorder and agoraphobia, which is in remission, thank god. but now my depression is back and i cant stop crying. i dont want to go back to all those ssri's and shit. to tell you the truth i was treating my depression with a little bit of H.and it worked like a charm. then my dealer ripped me off. not to bad with the withdrawls , a couple bad nights but i feel like i can go to work tomorrow and try to hold it together until the dr appt on friday. im on zoloft and wellbutrin and valium, but off course those are gone. i need to conserve my meds. i never do it and i always say im going too. but i dont think i wanna be a slave to any illegal drug. its too expensive, and its just a lose-lose. so stay strong everyone. and wish me luck. mental illness and drug use seem to go hand in hand but i think im gonna just start yoga and save my money to get my car fixed. and hope the dr can help me again. thanks. this was like my 2nd time and you guys seem really cool. thanks for listening