wading and wondering.

[rewiiired]

Does this always have to
meet its end here, in the
same old fucking way?

Can't I just for once sit in
silence and honestly believe
that I'm not the one to blame?

Now I just embrace
selective ignorance,
I just look the other way.
Nothing here left to kill
but ghosts of yesterday,

and visions of what
could have been
if I only was not
who I still am.

If only I could become.

But every time I think I step forwards,
its just a vacation from which I return
to the home of the same old cycle,

I wonder if I'll ever learn.

If I'll ever try to fashion
hopes into practical reality
instead of letting those
big dreams just be dreams,

or even figure out
what it is deep down I truly desire
or wake up to see
the great things right before me

or let the wound just heal instead
of picking old scabs to feel them bleed
or see the value in bridges
before I blow them to smitherines.

I wonder if the end could ever be
the opening chapter to a better story.
I wonder if I'll ever walk a new way
instead of wading and wondering.

 

[Mehm]

Very insightful piece. It feels like it is filled with growth