Vomit bucket next to my bed. This is my life

[lozgod]

I went 3 days with nothing. Sickness fucked me up. I needed relief and used tonight. I'm so pissed at myself. I am hoping that cheat didn't take me back to day one. Problem is I get paid tomorrow.

I keep listening to Eminem Not Afraid again and again. Might be time to man up and get control and get control of my life again. I went through my posts and one minute I'm bragging about getting some blazing dope, next I'm crying the blues sick. There's only one road out of this mother fucker and it's a shitty ride but it's a short one even though it seems like forever.

Maybe it's time to take that stand and just man up. I made my bed, time to deal with it. Hopefully I got a lot of years ahead of me. What do I want it to be?

 

[BlueberryfishY]

Whoa man you have the right mindset just not the right intentions, try not thinking about getting paid tomorrow and focus on getting thru this bullshit dope sick episode, listen to some Nirvana and try to chill as much as you can, no that bit wont set you back to day one but it didn't help, if your gonna still gonna use and i know you will then try to taper down, little by little.

Time my friend time, it is not easy by far and there isn't a fucking thing i can say to make it better but offer you a couple songs and advice., hang tight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fIqq5XVFKQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhRwkC6RxcU&feature=related

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

I used to have those. I hated throwing up in the toilet for some reason (and sometimes I couldn't make it) so I had trash bags by my bed. I throw a lot when using heroin (always have and I've been using on and off for four years) and I was a lazy junkie... I used to throw up in the same bag throughout the day and sometimes I wouldn't throw out the bags, there were moments when I had a trash bag with three day old vomit in it.

It's pretty nasty and I'm so glad that's not my life anymore. You can get off the dope. Have you thought about rehab or a medical detox?

 

[theartofwar]

I went 3 days with nothing. Sickness fucked me up. I needed relief and used tonight. I'm so pissed at myself. I am hoping that cheat didn't take me back to day one. Problem is I get paid tomorrow.

I keep listening to Eminem Not Afraid again and again. Might be time to man up and get control and get control of my life again. I went through my posts and one minute I'm bragging about getting some blazing dope, next I'm crying the blues sick. There's only one road out of this mother fucker and it's a shitty ride but it's a short one even though it seems like forever.

Maybe it's time to take that stand and just man up. I made my bed, time to deal with it. Hopefully I got a lot of years ahead of me. What do I want it to be?

It's up to you entirely as you already clearly know. Listen to going through changes , and till i collapse by Em , he talks a lot about his addiction to painkillers and valium in going through changes and of course till i collapse is fuckin boss.

As for what you want to be , I'd ask you what you are into period ? And how do you plan on pursuing it with your use ? Some basic questions that need to be answered before you can kick and walk away with strength to stay away. I literally changed my entire life 180 degrees and reverted to what I was originally all about. Opiates made me answer a question like "what are you into" with the answer "opiates". Because I remember all too well how nothing fucking meant shit trying to prepare for any event just to not be sick.

Now I am clean I cannot believe that the things i was preparing not to be sick for, they matter far more to me than heroin, oxy, fent, any opiate will ever. I hope that you come to this conclusion brother. Best of luck.

 

[sbgirl]

I went 3 days with nothing. Sickness fucked me up. I needed relief and used tonight. I'm so pissed at myself. I am hoping that cheat didn't take me back to day one. Problem is I get paid tomorrow.

I keep listening to Eminem Not Afraid again and again. Might be time to man up and get control and get control of my life again. I went through my posts and one minute I'm bragging about getting some blazing dope, next I'm crying the blues sick. There's only one road out of this mother fucker and it's a shitty ride but it's a short one even though it seems like forever.

Maybe it's time to take that stand and just man up. I made my bed, time to deal with it. Hopefully I got a lot of years ahead of me. What do I want it to be?

I commented on one of your other posts and got really concerned...i dont even know you but you sounded just like me. When I am negative i can get so negatIVE. I could relate to you. I'm so happy to see that you DO want to change your life.

I have a question: DO YOU THINK IT IS THE WITHDRAWALS THAT MAKES YOU CONTINUE TO USE AT THIS POINT??

 

[totach]

How bout you try listening to "accidents can happen" by nikki sixx its off the sixx am album.That song always makes me feel better if i relapse.
The whole album is really great cuz i know it comes from experience.

 

[oliphill]

I went through my posts and one minute I'm bragging about getting some blazing dope, next I'm crying the blues sick.

You sound a lot like me my friend! I was a lot like this.

I would urge you to stop trying to prove to yourself that your a strong person and can do this on your own. Get some help, maybe check into a detox if you can? Go to an NA meeting?

I really hope it works out for you man, and remember once you get through the withdrawals that's when you gotta put some work into staying clean as it will be the same cycle over an over again!

 

[Allein]

For a long time I thought it was all about it being OK becuase I could hold my shit together, but that was just BS for me I was falling part inside.

I really can't speak for anyone else but me, but it all changed for the better once I held out my hand and said I needed help, that was really "maning up"

Best Wishes

 

[BlueberryfishY]

For a long time I thought it was all about it being OK becuase I could hold my shit together, but that was just BS for me I was falling part inside.

I really can't speak for anyone else but me, but it all changed for the better once I held out my hand and said I needed help, that was really "maning up"

Best Wishes

He hasn't signed in since he made this thread, hope he's getting clean.

 

[Blackhawktown]

I just read your story, please read mine, similiar sorta.. music eases the mind body and SOUL. Your friends can help. Be straight up like you said IM NOT AFRAID.. thats because your not. You have the will to quit i see it. Live learn Love, good luck pimp.

 

[.Lucid.]

you can do it loz. im rootin for you man.

 

[Unbreakable]

smoke a lot of weed & eat some benzos

 

[ferrita]

You CAN do this. Its a short ride but a nasty one. No joke. But the road you on now is a longer harder one.

Like someone said don't think about getting paid. instead think about what you really need that money for. Go buy concert tickets! Go pay bills. Go do something good for you!

I kicked a 3 to 4 g a day habit almost 25 years ago. My friends locked me in a fucking room with no windowa no phones. A bucket a few toels and said you are gonna get clean and you are gonna do it now. I was pissed. They'd let me out to be in the bathroom.

By the time id be curled up in a ball naked on the floor pouring sweat and shivering and a mess from not making it to the toilet or bucket fast enoung they'd put me in the battub and clean me up. I cursed them assulted them punched holes in walls you name it. But they held tough m

 

[ferrita]

Part 2 cause I fucked up on the post. Anyway it was a brutal gnarly kick and when all was said and done I didn't go back. It was so ugly that all I had to think about was how hard and ugly it was and that kept me clean.

There was no suboxone then and methadone clinics were few and fer between. I truly think if that stuff was around I probably would not have ever gotten off.

I've had to kick pills a few times due to chronic pain and I did id it the same way and survived it. You can do this. I'm rotting for you

Peace prayers and much luck. Hang tough and rattle.
Tammie.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I know what it's like when you make it a whole 3 days without heroin, but you're still in the worst of it and you're starting to panic thinking it's never going to end. But it will! Hang in there and eventually you'll feel more like your old self again.

Take care!

 

[lozgod]

I commented on one of your other posts and got really concerned...i dont even know you but you sounded just like me. When I am negative i can get so negatIVE. I could relate to you. I'm so happy to see that you DO want to change your life.

I have a question: DO YOU THINK IT IS THE WITHDRAWALS THAT MAKES YOU CONTINUE TO USE AT THIS POINT??

I keep trying and trying and trying. I can get to the 48-72 hour mark and can't take it anymore. Tonight was hell day 4. I'm thinking hang in there. Probably only a day or two to go but the RLS and the RA(rm)S was out of control and I took 4mg of an emergency piece of suboxone I been keeping for months.

I've did CT before. It sucked just as bad but I guess I was more determined or maybe it wasn't as bad, It was 2 years ago this month. Come to think of it, it wasn't as bad as it is now. I was financially forced to wein last time. It got down to a few 10s a day and a couple shots of morphine in the ER playing the migrane roll at 5 different hospitols in 3 states. I didn't sleep, had RLS with no RAS, the RAS is a bitch, and actually starting on day 2 made myself be active. I didn't even have vomitting that time.

Now I can't hold down water, got RAS, and the 30-45 minute naps here and there waking up from horrifying vivid nightmares are too much.

So yes it is the withdrawals that make me use at this point. Been years since I actually been high. I shoot some good dope I get a nice rush but thats about it. No nod, no "doped up" voice, just a rush and no sickness for about 6 or 7 hours. I can literally snort, shoot, eat, whatever, YOU NAME THE NUMBER of 30mg roxis and not be high. I use to be normal not get high anymore. To be normal and avoid withdrawal.

I am so anti-suboxone because I know afterwards comes a months long withdrawal. May be milder but withdrawal is withdrawal. It sucks but if I want to get control of my life might have to consider that, rehab, or liquid handcuffs.

Amazing I get 280 30mg roxis a month and that can't last me longer than 10-15 days.

 

[lozgod]

He hasn't signed in since he made this thread, hope he's getting clean.

Been off and on. I aint giving up but aint made it there yet. I really thought I was gonna make it this time. 4 days and took 3mg suboxone. Needed the relief.



THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE SUPPORTIVE WORDS!

 

[lozgod]

You CAN do this. Its a short ride but a nasty one. No joke. But the road you on now is a longer harder one.

Like someone said don't think about getting paid. instead think about what you really need that money for. Go buy concert tickets! Go pay bills. Go do something good for you!

I kicked a 3 to 4 g a day habit almost 25 years ago. My friends locked me in a fucking room with no windowa no phones. A bucket a few toels and said you are gonna get clean and you are gonna do it now. I was pissed. They'd let me out to be in the bathroom.

By the time id be curled up in a ball naked on the floor pouring sweat and shivering and a mess from not making it to the toilet or bucket fast enoung they'd put me in the battub and clean me up. I cursed them assulted them punched holes in walls you name it. But they held tough m

WOW! I can only imagine. I don't know how much is in a Philly bundle but I got a 2 bundle, and 10-20 30 mg roxis on top of it habit. When the roxis run out I go up to 3 a day on the bundles and end up broke and in WD for a few days.

 

[lozgod]

For a long time I thought it was all about it being OK becuase I could hold my shit together, but that was just BS for me I was falling part inside.

I really can't speak for anyone else but me, but it all changed for the better once I held out my hand and said I needed help, that was really "maning up"

Best Wishes

That's the hard part. I ain't trying to be the one with the big internet penis here saying this, but I grew up pretty rough, gangs, drug dealing, guns, etc. Admitting to having a drug problem ain't only weak but it's like you've become the scum of the Earth. I'm 36 yo and letting my 26yo mentallity hold me back from being all I can be.

I was part of a crew that literally had 30-40 pounds of weed at a time if not more on hand always and a kilo of coke on hand and we would party and sell the shit and my coke habit got so bad when I started cooking it up. Where I'm from it's ok to snort it, even smoke it in a blunt but if you add baking soda you're a crackhead.

I snuck off and got clean in NA. I put together 2 years clean before stopping attending meetings. I litterally had death threats coming my way because people thought I was snitching. I told them I just wanted out and wanted to get my shit together. I got the job, the car, the crib and figured I could handle a beer here and there. No HS diploma, convicted felon and look about as ugly and rough as any hoodlum or biker and (as Jay Z put it) was the D Boy who infiltrated all the cooperate dudes.

Benz, townhouse, 5 or 6 GF's 3 strippers, a teacher, a nurse, and a forensic investigator, taking them all out and living it up when I wasn't partaking in my 14 hour work days. Started popping 10mg percs and felt like superman, sniffed my first 80 and it was no turning back. There was a time when the ATM was endless but eventually tolerance out and end to that. '07 I had a $123,000 year and had pay day loans, credit cards sent to collections, and on most days couldn't afford cigarettes by 08. Opiates are amazing in many ways.