I'm sitting here in tears and extreme frustration. I am so angry, sad, feeling completely fucked & condemned to this prison. While, granted 3 years ago after having been clean 27 months (last 9 months got fucked on Tramadol---which had been way worse than just your classic w/ds or kicking--people telling me it was all in my mind, but 25 years as a user sorry, this was way more than kicking crap which by the end of 3 weeks off opiates or meth I was feeling "normal," which for me meant the very mellow, laid back, "slow" usual self, but not suffering the retched anhedonia forever with no end in sight.)
In addition to anhedonia, however, whether on or off Tramadol, the chronic fatigue making me tired 24/7. Due to N/A and following their suggestions, I did honestly try to resolve this crap the right way, but after all these tests were run, and hundreds of dollars racked up in charges, (even with health insurance I pay $70/wk for) eventually research on this site that also had references to verify, learned Tramadol does mimic or act as an anti depressant in addition to mimicking mild opiate which felt a bit like codeine. It was my fault for knowingly taking an opiate without it being an opiate, but I would have left it the fuck alone had I been informed by my doc or the pharm of the antidepressant acting agent.
I don't hold grudges or anything, thats pointless. I had tried 9 months to get off this Tramadol, but the tenacity of the w/ds had felt way worse than just the standard w/ds--always fighting to stay awake no matter how much or how little sleep I'd had the night before. I couldn't afford disability (I was still clean off "real" drugs) although I did finally have to cut my work week from 6 to 4 days/wk and now I'm doing 5. My doc didn't have the answer, and since I have to work, I can't just sleep all the time. I had explained to my Mom, and begged a loan for this Ibogaine HCI at $600--a sum I simply didn't have since I was paying her $800/mo. She said she'd lend it to me to find a way to get it--they didnt ship to US due to our dumb fucked laws which is messed up.
I get no sick, vacation, holiday pay & on top of that all of us over 7 yrs I been at this company have gotten 2 pay CUTS--how I wish it could only be no raises--but this left Mexico or Canada to pay some jive ass $4000-$12000 for a medical detox way out of the question. There is too much money to be made keeping us addicted--and I make some $20,000/yr only----I CAN'T AFFORD THIS! I couldn't get the Ibogaine from Canada because even $600 had been a sum I didn't have--then would of had to ask a heroin addict in Canada to send it to me---and abandoned the plan not because I believe he would set out to fuck me, but if I didn't get the med, I'd be fucked in addition out of $600. It's my fault I took Tramadol in the first place, I know this, but I even begged God, WHY WONT YOU HEAL ME FROM THIS STUPID ADDICTION LIKE YOU DID 2 YRS PRIOR WITH METH AND OPIATES? WHY CAN'T I BE RELIEVED ALSO FROM THE OBSESSION WITH FOOD? (In N/A the 100 lb weight gain had been the result)
No solution in sight for saps like me that are poor working class and unable to afford leaving the coutry for this detox, I got 4 tabs of X that I took over 24 hr period, took an unpaid week off work, bought Seraquil that on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th day of detox to put me out. The w/ds prevailed, by day 5 I couldn't take anymore and had to go back to work so went to the only other option I knew---meth. It gives me a daily reprieve over last 3 years from the chronic fatigue that kicks my ass. I do had ADD, it helps me focus and I have kept 50 lbs off as well, but just cant bring myself to ask my doc for an Rx stimulant---to focus and stay awake.
I know pharmacies sell Ibogaine in Mexico and no I am NOT asking nor even thinking about trying to break the law by buying the med in Mexico and bringing it to the US.
There's nothing illegal about going to Mexico to get the med---as long as it stays in Mexico. Fine. I'm perfectly fine staying in a motel and doing a self detox there. I just want to be free of this! Thirty years is a long time as a user. I'm not a kid. Mods, I am not asking how to break to law, I just wish to God I could get this detox, return and at least have the same opportunity to be free of this crap that is keeping me enslaved financially and physically. I know the right kind of Iboga needed and the dose, but I need to know how not to be screwed by the pharm---or fall victum to some unsavory dicks somehow that see some dumb American bitch alone as a rich target. I'm just tired. I don't have anyone to help me, hell I give up. Sorry am very upset. Thanks for listening. I don't know what to do and here I am bawlin in a dark room like a baby. After 3 years, I've finally felt enough to feel hurt, afraid, and cry over the pit I fear I'm trapped in til I die. So, now it's time for my fix so I can stay awake for work again. I give up. Thanks you guys.
In addition to anhedonia, however, whether on or off Tramadol, the chronic fatigue making me tired 24/7. Due to N/A and following their suggestions, I did honestly try to resolve this crap the right way, but after all these tests were run, and hundreds of dollars racked up in charges, (even with health insurance I pay $70/wk for) eventually research on this site that also had references to verify, learned Tramadol does mimic or act as an anti depressant in addition to mimicking mild opiate which felt a bit like codeine. It was my fault for knowingly taking an opiate without it being an opiate, but I would have left it the fuck alone had I been informed by my doc or the pharm of the antidepressant acting agent.
I don't hold grudges or anything, thats pointless. I had tried 9 months to get off this Tramadol, but the tenacity of the w/ds had felt way worse than just the standard w/ds--always fighting to stay awake no matter how much or how little sleep I'd had the night before. I couldn't afford disability (I was still clean off "real" drugs) although I did finally have to cut my work week from 6 to 4 days/wk and now I'm doing 5. My doc didn't have the answer, and since I have to work, I can't just sleep all the time. I had explained to my Mom, and begged a loan for this Ibogaine HCI at $600--a sum I simply didn't have since I was paying her $800/mo. She said she'd lend it to me to find a way to get it--they didnt ship to US due to our dumb fucked laws which is messed up.
I get no sick, vacation, holiday pay & on top of that all of us over 7 yrs I been at this company have gotten 2 pay CUTS--how I wish it could only be no raises--but this left Mexico or Canada to pay some jive ass $4000-$12000 for a medical detox way out of the question. There is too much money to be made keeping us addicted--and I make some $20,000/yr only----I CAN'T AFFORD THIS! I couldn't get the Ibogaine from Canada because even $600 had been a sum I didn't have--then would of had to ask a heroin addict in Canada to send it to me---and abandoned the plan not because I believe he would set out to fuck me, but if I didn't get the med, I'd be fucked in addition out of $600. It's my fault I took Tramadol in the first place, I know this, but I even begged God, WHY WONT YOU HEAL ME FROM THIS STUPID ADDICTION LIKE YOU DID 2 YRS PRIOR WITH METH AND OPIATES? WHY CAN'T I BE RELIEVED ALSO FROM THE OBSESSION WITH FOOD? (In N/A the 100 lb weight gain had been the result)
No solution in sight for saps like me that are poor working class and unable to afford leaving the coutry for this detox, I got 4 tabs of X that I took over 24 hr period, took an unpaid week off work, bought Seraquil that on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th day of detox to put me out. The w/ds prevailed, by day 5 I couldn't take anymore and had to go back to work so went to the only other option I knew---meth. It gives me a daily reprieve over last 3 years from the chronic fatigue that kicks my ass. I do had ADD, it helps me focus and I have kept 50 lbs off as well, but just cant bring myself to ask my doc for an Rx stimulant---to focus and stay awake.
I know pharmacies sell Ibogaine in Mexico and no I am NOT asking nor even thinking about trying to break the law by buying the med in Mexico and bringing it to the US.
There's nothing illegal about going to Mexico to get the med---as long as it stays in Mexico. Fine. I'm perfectly fine staying in a motel and doing a self detox there. I just want to be free of this! Thirty years is a long time as a user. I'm not a kid. Mods, I am not asking how to break to law, I just wish to God I could get this detox, return and at least have the same opportunity to be free of this crap that is keeping me enslaved financially and physically. I know the right kind of Iboga needed and the dose, but I need to know how not to be screwed by the pharm---or fall victum to some unsavory dicks somehow that see some dumb American bitch alone as a rich target. I'm just tired. I don't have anyone to help me, hell I give up. Sorry am very upset. Thanks for listening. I don't know what to do and here I am bawlin in a dark room like a baby. After 3 years, I've finally felt enough to feel hurt, afraid, and cry over the pit I fear I'm trapped in til I die. So, now it's time for my fix so I can stay awake for work again. I give up. Thanks you guys.
