very short poem, plz Critique the hell outta me

[motiv311]

I wrote this while reading Hamlet by Bill shakespeare

The Wise man and the Pub

One day soon
with hope,
you'll see
animal or human-being
god, earth and destiny. . .
to me these are not things; only questions?
and life is a quest brimmed your cup of endless lesssons
make what you must, and drink that which you shall.
but remember to breath... {breath}... be
be.

breath.... {breath}... drink your share- 'tis fair
hold thy tounge and thy drink,
do not rise and declare "I see! I see!"

just be.
For that is, and always was
the only destiny for you and me.
and this same cup from which our lips both frail
do not surely serve the same ale...

 

[Pomplemous]

ooh! I like that! rather mystical but love the Shakespeare vibe from it. The ol' Billster really does put the flowers into your own writing sometimes, I love it for that. Love to see it inspire others too!

 

[motiv311]

thanks, its nice when someone earnestly reads your shit. i try and do it every now and again.

 

[up all night]

Oh this was great. The problem with responding to something you really think is unique and creative is that your replies always come across as trite and cliched.

Still, loved it.

 

[harraser]

^quite.

very very good. i really like the last stanza, tho its sentiment seems to piss me off more than it does you

 

[motiv311]

i still think im young enough and my life has been relatively easy enough that I prize my "cup of ale" as better than most.

This poem is about realism, not to be romantic - or mystical. It's about what we know for sure, and that is: That life isn't fair. It doesn't make sense. No one knows for sure, but some people do get some delusions of grandeur "I see! I see!"

But without the overflowing cup of endless lessons, there is no meaning to life- there is no reason to go on.

-at least this is what that crazy "wise man" in my head told me.