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Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)

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I don't fucking get how Social Security is allowed to discriminate.

My disability attorney pointed out today that just like my last filing, being 29 is the biggest hurdle to my case.

I worked from the age of 16 and I paid my disability insurance. My benefit amount is going to be twice what SSI would pay so I don't qualify for that but because I'm 29 I could be denied my SSDI that I actually paid for out of my checks?!

What the fuck is the point? I guaran-fucking-tee you that I'll take my life before I'll become homeless again over bullshit discrimination! :!
 
neversickanymore said:
Just keep fighting Kat<3.. I was so sick for years and they deny deny deny until the hearing when they say yes finally. I got better but really I have no idea how they thought I was able to work8(
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Yeah I've been working while disabled since 2008 or so if you want to be technical about it. I had intermittent FMLA when I worked at Comcast - if I hadn't had it, they would have fired me many times because I would miss at least 1 day a month and leave work early or show up late at least twice a week due to panic attacks.

Hell even when I was there I spent at least 3 hours of my work week fighting through a panic attack, usually either in the bathroom or sitting outside smoking a cig trying to calm down.

I'm not worried about it though. We have 6 doctors including both of the doctors SS made me go to all coming together and saying that at the very least I have bipolar, agoraphobia, and panic disorder. I satisfy disability under 12.04 A, B, and C and 12.06... Its just annoying because we submitted an OTR request to get the judge to make a decision on my medical records (because those are so strong that a hearing isn't necessary) then submitted an updated one when my doctor added Lamictal to my meds and their office hasn't responded to either - the hearing is on Thursday. I'm freaking the fuck out because literally EVERYTHING hinges on this. My student loans are coming up for repayment in April, my Medicaid runs out in April, my food stamps are up for recertification in April, my disability cash benefit is up for review in April... Its insane. I'm trying to take it as a sign that everything is coming together at once so I'll have my disability in place and I can knock everything out and go about getting better but its hard to be positive when I've been fucked by the universe before.

The difference is that this time, I really AM doing everything I should be. Today makes 158 days with no alcohol, no cigarettes, and I'm 158 days into my Valium taper. I've actually made a lot of lifestyle changes so I'm praying that it pays off. Otherwise I've already got it set in my mind that I'll end it this time. And no overdose shit either. I'll get up to the mountains and dive right off a fucking cliff.

This is my second hearing. The first one I won in the court room but then she denied me for not having a psychiatrist and a therapist. This time I have everything. Including getting dropped from therapy and psychiatry at one office because my agoraphobia was so bad I couldn't handle 45 minutes in the car.
 
I hate to vent but fuckkkkkkkk!!!! I hate my fucking boss right now!!! After than meeting he made me feel like a useless worker when I have worked my ass off for more than 5 years IN that company. He is very accusatory without even looking at the entire operation of our department and puts random blame on people. I felt like quitting today but I still thought of two of my pregnant coworkers who are gone so once they come back I will try to get the fuck out of there. I love my coworkers but I hate my boss.
 
alasdairm said:
to paraphrase the great eleanor roosevelt: "no one can make you feel like a complete idiot without your consent" :)

if you have not read it, i suggest that you read: the four agreements.

it will help you learn that, even if people are judging you, you shouldn't take it personally.

alasdair
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Thanks Alasdair. I will look at that xxxx

((((Nutty)))) are you ok? Ain't seen you in a while. Please be careful what you wish for ok. Sometimes these things can happen n then you'd feel guilty. I 'm not judging you ok you know I care about you n have been wondering how you are doing. You know where I am if you need someone to talk to ok

Evey xxxx
 
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Wow I actually have a day off work(rare), and I'm in so much fucking pain like what the hell am I going to do? I can barley play with my lil guy.
 
^^
Make sure you get that checked out if it doesn’t start to get better soon.

I've just got home to a speeding ticket in the post....grrrrrrrrr (that is all)
 
^ Yes I will get that checked out ASAP if it doesn't get any better, I just hate going to the ER I feel like when people are truly in pain they just don't care, they look at most people like "drug seekers". Which is not the case I'm currently taking 50 mgs of Tramadol 3x daily and that's not even taking the edge off.
 
Why the fuck would your disability rep tell you that a judge is harsh up front when you are going in because you have anxiety? What does that solve? Nothing. Now I'm more freaked out than I already was! :! :! :!
 
MagickalKat777 said:
Why the fuck would your disability rep tell you that a judge is harsh up front when you are going in because you have anxiety? What does that solve? Nothing. Now I'm more freaked out than I already was! :! :! :!
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Oh I am in the same boat only that I am still pissed from yesterday's meeting. Change of plans for Maya, save up then GTFO of this hell hole I am in.
 
Maya said:
Oh I am in the same boat only that I am still pissed from yesterday's meeting. Change of plans for Maya, save up then GTFO of this hell hole I am in.
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Don't know if you believe in astrology at all or not but don't make any rash decisions until at least the 28th when Mercury goes direct again to be on the safe side. Mercury has been retrograde since the 6th and you're not supposed to make any big decisions or sign contracts during retrograde. I don't generally buy into astrology but communications have been haywire the last two weeks so I looked it up and sure enough, its retrograde time.

That adds even MORE stress to my hearing but I'm hoping that it works out in my favor. I'm so fucked if I lose my disability case. Losing is not an option.
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
^^

Nice. Lucky for me then my court date got pushed another month.

Though, I don't actually believe in that pseudoscience stuff.
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I don't either. But when it comes to something as important as deciding my future, I take ALL angles into account and prepare workarounds for everything. For example, my hearing is at 9. Its two blocks away. I'm having my roommate drop me off at 8:15. I've got a signed letter from him regarding his observations with regard to my disability, I'm working through scenarios in my head of the kind of questions I'm going to need to answer right away (especially given that my mental sharpness has been fuzzy lately), I'm taking trazodone to make absolutely sure that I sleep tonight so I'm wide awake at my hearing, I called T-Mobile to get a payment extension even though we are only 2 days late... Really its all common sense things that you should do anyway, I'm just double and triple checking everything that I do and having a backup plan in place in case something falls apart.
 
MagickalKat777 said:
Don't know if you believe in astrology at all or not but don't make any rash decisions until at least the 28th when Mercury goes direct again to be on the safe side. Mercury has been retrograde since the 6th and you're not supposed to make any big decisions or sign contracts during retrograde. I don't generally buy into astrology but communications have been haywire the last two weeks so I looked it up and sure enough, its retrograde time.

That adds even MORE stress to my hearing but I'm hoping that it works out in my favor. I'm so fucked if I lose my disability case. Losing is not an option.
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Oh dont worry I wont be signing any contracts, I am planning to save up this year til the end of the year and then plan to move to another province where I can easily find more jobs. Fuck my boss and his company. He can shove his money up his ass!
 
There's an astrology thread in Philosophy & Spirituality.

The word I had with the construction site foreman was surprisingly nice and calm. I checked in with my building manager, who told me I'm about 8 weeks from having my own large studio in the building (we have a waiting list a year long) and that I'll be able to move without penalty if I can stick it out until then. I think I can.

SSI folks: the only people I know who were approved had either cancer or severe bipolar disorder. Have you thought about adopting a pet? Almost any doctor will be able to sign off on a letter for a therapy dog or cat. My roommate has severe allergies to cats and hates dogs, another reason why the studio will be a good move. I recommend adopting an animal from the pound or finding a friend who has a litter.

My only rant at present is this cold that will not go away. Nobel Prize to the doctor or scientist that can cure the common cold. I'm sick of tea and broth, I'm hungry!
 
Mariposa said:
There's an astrology thread in Philosophy & Spirituality.

The word I had with the construction site foreman was surprisingly nice and calm. I checked in with my building manager, who told me I'm about 8 weeks from having my own large studio in the building (we have a waiting list a year long) and that I'll be able to move without penalty if I can stick it out until then. I think I can.

SSI folks: the only people I know who were approved had either cancer or severe bipolar disorder. Have you thought about adopting a pet? Almost any doctor will be able to sign off on a letter for a therapy dog or cat. My roommate has severe allergies to cats and hates dogs, another reason why the studio will be a good move. I recommend adopting an animal from the pound or finding a friend who has a litter.

My only rant at present is this cold that will not go away. Nobel Prize to the doctor or scientist that can cure the common cold. I'm sick of tea and broth, I'm hungry!
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That'll be nice when you get the large studio. Congrats!

As for the SSI stuff... I'm bipolar (they can't ever agree on I or II) and I suffer from panic disorder, agoraphobia, and generalized anxiety disorder and I've had two doctors diagnose me with PTSD as well. Trust me, there's not a chance in hell that I'll be able to hold down ANY job. In fact, I got a simple work from home job last year and got terminated during training because of medication complications and continued anxiety. We've got mountains of supporting evidence, including the fact that I've tried just about every medication under the sun. I meet the requirements for disability under two sections in the disability book. Its pretty hard to argue that someone who has agoraphobia is capable of not only getting a job but keeping it, since both requirements have to be satisfied in order to deny someone disability benefits. Considering that I was dropped from a treatment provider because the car ride to the office that was 30 minutes away was too unbearable and that's documented in the notes they have and even long after I was dropped, the psychiatrist I was seeing up until August was still providing supportive documentation to my attorneys in December (which included a statement that any current or prior drug or alcohol use was self medication and a full functional assessment supportive of the fact that I can not handle stressors of any kind), it will be an uphill battle for the judge if he starts trying to say that I'm not disabled in the hearing room. My attorneys actually picked their most argumentative rep to represent me - any point the judge brings up that she can refute with medical evidence and treatment notes, she will.

I'm just annoyed that they're even fighting it at this point. Considering that both of the doctors they sent me to found me to be entirely disabled and even labeled me with more than what I was going in for and all of the treatment notes that are supportive as well, it just seems stupid to keep dragging this out but unless the judge decides in the morning to make a fully favorable decision before my hearing, we're going to have to go do the dance I suppose.

T. Calderone said:
Kat hope it goes in your favor tomorrow! <3
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Thanks hun! Me too! <3 I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't! :\
 
Pissed
receiving second hand IMPORTANT AND THEN THIRD HAND IMPORTANT INFO.......... OFF SOMEONE ELSE
Just a text of some fuckwit wanting more money from me. I still remember what i said about ten months ago....I'd cut off all my fingers and wouldn't care less. Past is the past..or is it? I went to the chemist on the way home to pick up some scripts, oh and another pack of 40's, it's harmless right? You know what the next step is after Code.....?Ox when someone returns..Then you know what after you build a tolerance to that? I told your informer in a text remember? Yeah im dumb8(
Just Quit this shit, ....You know how much I love her and try to help her with things im capable of.

I PREFER WORDS STRAIGHT FROM THE PERSON NOT SECOND HAND
 
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