Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

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I wish I was a "girl's girl." I mean yesterday i went to go pick up paperwork for my community service and im alone in an office w the secretary whos about my age maybe younger and even she was like "well this is awkward." While we were waiting for the manager to come in and she tried to small talk me.

I want girl friends. Friends that are girls!
 
I don't understand the point of going to work if you're just going to half ass it.

I can understand if someone actually tries and they make a mistake, but just going in and doing a shitty job is kind of pointless. Employees like that make me have to go back and re-do their work or double check what they do. I just don't understand that type of mentality. One of the reasons I try at work is because I would be embarrassed otherwise. Some people I work with don't take pride in their work. No, we're not saving lives, but we're still supplying a service that we're fortunate enough someone is paying for; put some effort into it! If I do something, look at it, and say "I did this", I want to feel like I did a good job and that my effort was helpful. If you half ass a job I don't understand how anyone could look at it and say "Yeah that was me. That was the best I could do."


Ahh, just venting. It's too bad caring about stuff isn't "cool".

If I had a better attitude at work it would probably be easier to get other people to care. Passion can be infectious. Of course it doesn't help that I really really dislike my job, but I'm still going to try my best at it.


I used to have a passion about track. My friend and I would build off of each others love for the sport. Our love and passion got passed on to our other friends and other teammates. We were real into track as freshman in high school. We didn't have a good track team, but we were real into the sport nevertheless. A few years later we had an incredibly strong team and our school won it's first track state championship in a few decades. My friend that I just mentioned became a New England Champion (that's kind of a big deal in New England as far as high school track is concerned). I have no doubt in my mind that a large part of our teams success that year was because of our infectious love for the sport that began growing as freshman. It spread to other people and we all cared more, we put in the effort, we worked together, and we were successful. It was amazing to be part of something like that. I long to be part of something like that again. I would love to find something I can get that passionate about again. I should really get back into track. If I could get my life in order and get more self-confidence I really think I could do well at coaching.
 
Carl, it makes me so sad to hear that but I know you are speaking from your heart. When the human part of living/life gets too much for me I head for nature. You belong in your life, in this world. If people really don't like you then you are around some ridiculous people because from what I know of you on here you are intelligent, kind, thoughtful and frequently quite funny. When you are down on yourself, people can't take it but that does not mean they don't like you it means they are uncomfortable around the pain they perceive.

Nothing is static. Anything can change.<3

^Yeah, what she said. I think I'd like you a lot Carl, but you're on the wrong coast. But put yourself out there and meet people. I'm feeling much like you and trying to take my own advice.

No need to die Carl these problems will come and go think of it that way you can let it wash over you or let it consume you. You seem like a dam smart human being with the ability to make a difference in peoples lives if you only tried and learned to love yourself. But if course its easier said than done old habits are hard to break I know but fuck to hear a smart person like you contemplate not being alive and saying the world be a better place without you makes me sick to my stomach. Ive read your posts and call tell you are a smart person with lots if potential you just have to see it my friend


I didn't write the other post just so I could have someone say that I am likeable and am not completely hopeless, but I do really appreciate you guys taking the time to write such nice replies. It does mean quite a lot, even just as text from people I never met IRL. So, thank you. That was very nice and you guys wrote some very encouraging things. Thanks. :)
 
I'm so fucking sick of my high tolerance, I just wish I never touched opiates I'm fucking 25 year old female that can hold most men/whatever under the table. I hate this shit I need a break. Pills are always on my mind 24-7, so sad.
 
I wish I was a "girl's girl." I mean yesterday i went to go pick up paperwork for my community service and im alone in an office w the secretary whos about my age maybe younger and even she was like "well this is awkward." While we were waiting for the manager to come in and she tried to small talk me.

I want girl friends. Friends that are girls!

oh boy I can relate to this!
 
I'm so fucking sick of my high tolerance, I just wish I never touched opiates I'm fucking 25 year old female that can hold most men/whatever under the table. I hate this shit I need a break. Pills are always on my mind 24-7, so sad.

Take a break luv im here if you need someone to talk to
 
Talked to my friend from CT tonight. I basically spent every day and night at his house for four months starting back in November.… I left back to PA on March 1st, but I still talk to him a lot of the time. We just got done talking a few minutes ago… I was surprised he was even awake, but I guess after the death of our friend he has really bad anxiety. It sucks he had to bring it up because now I can feel my anxiety building… I have really bad PTSD from that night. It feels like I'm there. I can remember everything… and the feelings of me trying to open my friends mouth covered in liquid. I don't know how I'm ever going to get over this :( I never experienced something so horrifying in my life.

I guess my friend is going to call me tomorrow… I wonder what it will be about. It will be good to talk to him. He understands a lot/or experienced the same shit as me… we've been through a lot together.

Blah, now I'm feeling shitty and am going to drink myself to sleep. I'd rather do heroin though. I've had/am having intense cravings these past days.
 
I wish I was a "girl's girl." I mean yesterday i went to go pick up paperwork for my community service and im alone in an office w the secretary whos about my age maybe younger and even she was like "well this is awkward." While we were waiting for the manager to come in and she tried to small talk me.

I want girl friends. Friends that are girls!

I didn't used to have girlfriends when I was really young and I can now see looking back that it was a trust issue on my part. I put everything into being accepted by guys. Once I realized that I didn't need the shallow approval that was just based on looks I began to learn how to be a friend--I trusted myself and it made me able to trust other girls and not see them as competition. The best way to have loyal intimate friendships is to be a loyal and trustworthy friend.
 
My employer really doesn't give a shit about my health, I've bent over backwards to work from home and deal with al kinds of shit. It would of been easy to get a full sign off from my Doctors, in fact that's what they advised.

I'm done with doing way more than I should at the expense of my own health, it just isnt worth it.

I just sent the HR department a lengthy mail stating what's been going on since I returned to work after after the motorcycle accident over 2 years ago, I've had enough of feeling held to ransom, in truth they couldn't dismiss me even if I was doing a shot job and I'm not....grrrrrrr;)
 
Sounds like you would be better off taking full medical leave. That sucks Allein when you're making an effort but the more you give, the more they expect from you. You have to look out for yourself because they sure won't, sorry man. :(
 
Thanks T, I've felt obliged as they kept me on full pay after the accident but I've more than paid them back for all that. I'm good at what I do and work hard and ask for nothing but my agreed pay in return ( I don't get over time or anything like that)

All this has opened my eyes a little to what is really important, if I keep over doing things I could end up in a wheelchair permanently and I dubt they would give a shit as long as they weren't legally liable.

We'll see what I get back from HR tomorrow but at least I feel better for having raised it formally there has been far to much going on that isn't being recognised or formally noted.
 
I got out of prison three weeks ago, and am staying at a transitional house.

I absolutely fucking loathe coming home from work. I'm surrounded by ignorant two-faced motherfuckers, back stabbing immature ducks, and just all around pieces of shit. I don't give a damn what I have to do, what sacrifices I have to make, one way or another I'm moving out of here within the next two weeks.

Environments like this will make a motherfuckers go out and smoke crack.
 
Unable to feel good. Kind of like anhedonia, except (if I go by wikipedia) I'm not actually able to participate in activities that I find enjoyable.
(What the hell are exercise?, hobbies?, music?, sexual activities? or social interactions?) I don't have those things in my life. I guess that is a big part of the problem, but it basically feels like anhedonia of the general day. I guess that sounds like depression, but I'm not(AFAIK) really depressed. I'm frustrated, angry, irritated, i don't like my place in society, thus i don't like society, and thus I don't like myself.
I'm doing everything perfect for my long term goals. Eventually I will have enough money to participate in society again. However, I am struggling with accepting the long-term path and with trying to not hate every moment. I need to let go of the fact that today is shitty, and I'm powerless other than my long-term plans to change things. I do have some enjoyable times of the day, and I try REALLY hard in spite of the lack of enjoyment, and make the days count and make positive experiences for people I interact with. Overall there are no good days. I think it may be just a matter of time where I keep this rational long-term attitude and my psychology comes back to baseline. I was just in a fight-or-flight emergency a week ago, so maybe my generally shitty life situation combined with that and my PTSD stuff is just making this whole rational satisfaction take a while to sink in?

I want to have a good day! :X I feel like drinking, but even moderate drinking is harsh on my system for a good 24 hours, w/ maybe an hour of euphoria. I'm glad I don't have access to any opiates at this time.
 
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Really I just wish this wd would just fuck right off now. I wasn't expecting an easy ride and in some ways I've had one but I was hoping that I wouldn't be waking up like a plucked chicken at the 21 day stage.
 
I got out of prison three weeks ago, and am staying at a transitional house.

I absolutely fucking loathe coming home from work. I'm surrounded by ignorant two-faced motherfuckers, back stabbing immature ducks, and just all around pieces of shit. I don't give a damn what I have to do, what sacrifices I have to make, one way or another I'm moving out of here within the next two weeks.

Environments like this will make a motherfuckers go out and smoke crack.

It's not on anything like the same scale but for various reasons I moved out of my parents comfortable middle class house when I just turned 18. I would have moved out sooner but it took a while to find a job that paid enough for me to live, I moved out the day I got my fist monthly pay check (for those in the UK it was 1989 aqnd I was on £6K a year but it was a start)

All I could afford was a room in a shared house, it had a mattress on the floor, no heating and the kitchen was filthy, the people were either dealing or using or both and doing little else other than sitting around smoking.

They weren't great times and it was hard adjusting to living in filth and having no money (believe me £6K doest go far after rent and food and travel expenses to get to work)

I made a promise to myself that every move would be to something better, at the start the moves weren't much better ! but after about 3 years I managed to afford a studio flat, it wasn't much but it was mine and when I shut the door I didn't have to put up with anyone elses shit (the rest of the building was full of prostitutes and drug dealers but my place was at the top of the building so they didn't bother me if I didn't bother them)

I can tell your situation is much worse than mine ever was but in small steps you can make things better, I hope the next step comes soon <3
 
Im so pissed! I have to pay 500 bucks more for this stupid root canal re treatment that one of the former dentists' fault. I refuse to pay for what my dental benefits wasn't able to cover as this is not my fault but their former dentist. If they refuse to agree with me we are going to court.
 
Im so pissed! I have to pay 500 bucks more for this stupid root canal re treatment that one of the former dentists' fault. I refuse to pay for what my dental benefits wasn't able to cover as this is not my fault but their former dentist. If they refuse to agree with me we are going to court.

That is bullshit! I hate the money grubbing butchers with a passion. Id say threaten to take it to court if they try and make you pay.
 
take it to court regardless. i haven't really been paying attention but did you say they did a root canal on a tooth that didn't need it? I put that around 5000 in pain and suffering.
 
How fucking hard is it to take an order for two cheeseburgers, one normal and one with just cheese and lettuce, one soda, and one med fri. Since my kido only likes lettuce on his burger.. out of the last eight times I have ordered this it has only been presented correctly once. three times it has come out with no cheese.. If I wanted a fucking hamburger with just lettuce thats what I would order.. I wouldn't order a cheese burger with only lettuce as thats a hamburger with lettuce. In this particular instance the drink was not rung up and my double cheese burger came out with only lettuce as well. In a few others the burgers came out with everything and no lettuce or everything and lettuce. This was at eight different locations. How incompetent and unintelligent people can you get.

So I make this haircut appointment.. rush around to get there on time skipping a good dinner at my favorite pizza joint and end up eating a Mcdonalds Cheeseburger with just their paper like shredded lettuce in the parking lot of your salon. Then enter and you inform me that someone else is getting their hair cut at my appointment time. when I ask whats going on you tell me that the five o'clock appointment was really late.. and that you tried to call me, but never actually talked to me or left a message. Call me crazy but why the fuck isn't the clown who didn't make their appointment time asked to return tomorrow afternoon. Whey has there problem now become my fucking problem.. Why so many idiots in a row?
 
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