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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

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Does everything have to revert back to my cock ffs? I feel debased for having posted it now like it devalues everything else I say.=D

I would really stress again your right to ask for a freeze on your benzo reduction whilst you switch to subbbies. If you can deal with the anxiety for one thing deal with it for that and if you have to, be polite but forceful about what you want. Explain that you're happy to continue reducing after switching to the subbies but that you need to stabilise to be able to make the switch. That's a totallly reasonable request and I'm sure they'll be happy with it. If you're tapering yourself stop and stabilse to enablle the switch, don't feel you have to rush everything. Sometimes less haste is necessary to ensure success in the long run (has been for me sometimmes anyway).
 
omen_owen mk2 said:
Does everything have to revert back to my cock ffs? I feel debased for having posted it now like it devalues everything else I say..
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It's clear to anyone that you draw as much out of it as humanly possible, it;s the main thrust of almost every comment almost all the staff If I rooted across your dark contents I'm pretty sure something rather unsavoury would pop up, necessitating the need for further probing,

Now post the PICS or STFU =D

and no I'm not posting mine, flacid or otherwise
 
I posted it once on suggestion of the powers that be due to an offhand flippant comment about dicksizing in the drugs you have done thread.:X

I'm off, and I'm taking my cock with me...
 
omen_owen mk2 said:
can't control drinking:(
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Really, that's tough I've mentioned it before but I got really bad ( in my view ) with drink, odd because for most of my youth I hardly drank.

It started when I can up smoking (everything) I can't say when it became a problem but it wasnt lond before I ws getting through a standard 750ml bottle of scotch everyday without fail and only drinking after work in the evening.

Swiched to speial brew or Red x but just drank 8 cans a a bit of scotch, I'd drink anything by them but it had to be a good quantity, tried GBL which makes me puke regardless of dose, so I tried Valium....a monumental train wreck resulted which took a shot load of cleaning up.

I did use a local drug and alcohol service a little, made a Taper plan for the Valium and a drop dead date on the booze, Yo mine and I think everyone involve surprise I managed it. It must be nearly 3 years since I've had a drink, I've taken a few benzos but never possessed more then a dozen and rarely.

Of course there are time I miss a drink but it really isnt that often, I can be the driver and help other a bit and my bowels thank me daily as I'm sure my liver does 2. Booze is a shitty drug, and for most once its had a hold over ya you just bets leave it alone, turns most blokes into druling half wits anyhow:D
 
I'm not drinking anywhere near what I was at the beginning of the year. I've worked my way down to a couple of beers a night or a couple of glasses of wine a night (at the same time as reducing on benzos) with a few alcohol free days thrown in there but it's started to creep back up towards a full bottom of wine a night. Guess I'll have to try for an alcohol free night again today before things start getting too heavy again.
 
xstayfadedx said:
Heroin makes me sad for no reason. Well even more sad than I already am. I really just want to die and don't need all that mushy "don't say that or life will get better bullshit". It's fucked up how someone can be suicidal since they've been ten, but still have to get up everyday... to not be a selfish bitch to their loved ones. Overdoses how many times, but still manages to get up? Lol, I worry that my life will actually get better one day and that day will be the day I actually get killed/die. Oh shit, I'm not depressed anymore *rainbows shoot out*... walks out door and gets hit by a car.

I make myself laugh sometimes.
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Dope would make me sad sometimes. I'd just feel really down. I think part of it was knowing I was fucking up, but even beyond that it made me feel down.

One of the things I hated about using when I was using infrequently was that for the first 4 days after I've last used dope I still feel down. Day 1 and Day 2 I feel very down. Day 3 + Day 4 are better than Day 1 + Day 2, but still not great. It's not until I've had 5 days away from opiates that I feel more normal. So if I was using infrequently I'd feel good the day I used, but possibly too fucked up to function, then would feel down for the next 4 days, then I'd start to feel better, then I'd use again and keep repeating that cycle. Eventually the depression would make me use more often, and once a week turns to 2-3 days, then that turns into...we all know that story.
 
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Have not had my car for 11 days and counting now...
So grateful that my Uncle and Aunt are willing to loan me the money to get it fixed. I can tell there is a ton of unspoken resentment from my Aunt. Functioning without a car is kind of impossible in my suburban/rural area. I've been missing all my doctors and counselors appointments last couple weeks. I do have a job center appointment thursday that is supposed to help coordinate jobs for disabled people(me). This car repair will be another big financial setback.
2015 is my year, bitches. Have to just stomach it and stay positive.
 
Here's my rant: Those that run away from problems and never look back. No desore to settle the issue, no anything. They just vanish like pussies. :p
 
omen_owen mk2 said:
I'm not drinking anywhere near what I was at the beginning of the year. I've worked my way down to a couple of beers a night or a couple of glasses of wine a night (at the same time as reducing on benzos) with a few alcohol free days thrown in there but it's started to creep back up towards a full bottom of wine a night. Guess I'll have to try for an alcohol free night again today before things start getting too heavy again.
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Be careful, Owen (Goodness I must appear annoying with you lately lol). Seriously though, I've had issues with alcohol and you won't believe how easy it is to get back to where you were before - even if you're not drank in months/years. I also know this because a close relative is a heavy drinker. And they've been link 7+ months and within days of starting up drinking again, have gone back to drinking the heavy amounts that they were drinking before they quick. I also found that when I was drinking and stopped, it was only a week or so before I was drinking similar to before. I've heard many other stories of the same.

It's up to you, of course what you do with your life. I was advise you to you that if you even you've a problem with alcohol to complete abstinence from it. However, I am a hypocrite and find this difficult to do myself. Alcohol is a tricky one. Have you been on the Alcohol Discussion Thread on Sober Living ? If you haven't, there's people going through similar, some who are now abstinent, they may be able to help you or at least listen to you and lend some support.

Also - don't be hard on yourself, you've given up Heroin, giving up benzos, alcohol and are planning on coming off 24 mg buprenorphine - that's a lot for ANYONE to deal with - so the odd slip you can surely forgive yourself for?! I found just giving up opiates difficult and can't begin to imagine what you're going through.

Evey

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omen_owen mk2 said:
Your whole 'everyone out but me' attitude reeks of self-pity (imo of course), and this will get you nowhere. Expecting people to behave in a certain way because you have done something will get you nowhere. Trying to be happy for other people when you're not happy in yourself will get you nowhere. These are the hard facts of life that apply to everyone, me included. Only by moving away from this way of thinking will you be able to move forward and form some kind of happiness for yourself. When you stop getting angry about the way things are, and start getting busy with acceptance and motivation to change the things you can that will make you happier you will start seeing results.
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Ah this was the post I REQUESTED to be taken down as you reported our private conversation (from PMs) which is against BLUA and had I have done so, would have incurred an infraction/warning for sure.

Just to let you know that you are WRONG. You're situation is different to mine and I don't take kindly to you or anyone else accusing me of "self-pity." We, none of us, live each other's lives. We just read the "texts." A flaw of yours, Owen, is that you make a lot of assumptions. For instance, you assumed that I have not been emotionally abused based on a small amount of information that I had put in a post - that another member had to pull you up on it. Your comparison of us both "not going out on that Sunday evening," I seemed to remember you going out on the Saturday day. I have NO friends, am in over £5,000 worth of debt and the only SOCIAL ACTIVITY I have is Bluelight. I do NOT come here to be accused of self-pity. I come here for empathy and understanding from like-minded individuals. Please do NOT compare our lives. No offense but I find it offensive. In fact only a few members of staff know some events in my life so please do not judge me - or anyone like that until you know the facts.

I'm not trying to argue with you but this is something that needs saying.

Can someone PLEASE remove that post that Owen wrote to me and allow me the privacy I deserve as information he has put in that post was stuff I wrote in a private message, as I know PMs are not allowed to be repeated, believed that my privacy would be respected.

Owen - I'm not arguing with you and will still be supportive towards you - but you did ask me to read through the post and I did. So have replied to it publically.

Evey

EDITX2 Sorry the quote has gone wrong.

Evey
 
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ugh just thinkin out loud as i stare at these pills... once the thought comes its literally impossible to not give in. been doing this for years and i just looked over and saw this note to remind myself not to use lol =/ fuck i know myself too well. but yea ima fuckin regret this in a few days when i feel like s hit/can't sleep, etc but at least i'll enjoy tonight. yay
 
My house is a mess, and my roomies never fucking clean... I mean we are all pretty bad for not cleaning, but I feel like I'm always the one doing it, but whatever, I can't complain cause I've been off work since mid-February, might as well do something productive.... :p
 
^that sucks huh, that's why I would just live by myself and not have room mates for that reason, unless I am living with my bf. I know that it saves more money if you have a room mate but still, I don't want to experience any drama because of this person not paying rent in time or not cleaning etc etc.
 
I went out of town for 2 months and when I came back, my roommates had not done a dish that whole time. Everything in the kitchen was piled up and dirty and I had to wash them all. NEVER AGAIN! LOL
 
When I was at uni, I had the same issue, so I just got disposable things and just used them once. I lived with pigs. PIGS!
 
Maya said:
^that sucks huh, that's why I would just live by myself and not have room mates for that reason, unless I am living with my bf. I know that it saves more money if you have a room mate but still, I don't want to experience any drama because of this person not paying rent in time or not cleaning etc etc.
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I rather enjoy the roomies I have, don't get me wrong, it's just one of those things that's bound to happen I guess. I'm just too passive, if I said something about us all tackling the house chores, I'm sure we'd all come to an agreement, but I'm just a little bitch and don't wanna open my mouth cause I feel as if I come off rude, or aggressive, even though they are two of my close friends and would totally understand... I dunno lol :/
 
^ Hope everything works out.

-I'm in between today like fuck it,
shit's going to happen anyways...
might as well let it roll off my shoulders instead of getting irate.-
 
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