Haha I'm very sorry I do get a
little carried away length wise... It's nice to have safe (even if digitized) people to talk to for a change!
Hmmm my bipolar, obsessive-compulsive disorder (from which I am in successful recovery) and opioid dependence are three separate illnesses, as far as I can tell. I do and have generally always used opiates to treat them, but I also use them because, well, I'm an addict. I've managed each illness without opiates in the past. Right now I feel so happy and I don't want it to stop. I know I can quit. But psychologically speaking I'm determined to use, so I tell myself I'll fail so that I inevitably do. I tell myself all sorts of things to rationalize using, I guess it's common.
I think I'm going to try again after I use everything I have. When that time comes, I'm going to try meetings again. It's just being so alone that kills me. And this is definitely an oversimplification, but I believe meetings are in part designed so that people don't have to be alone.
"Ever tried, ever failed, no matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." -Samuel Beckett (<-- That's the spirit!)
P.S. For anyone that's wondering, I moved my impromptu introduction to the TDS "Say Hello!" thread, so that's what most of Maya's last post is referring to.
P.P.S. Then I'll be on the lookout for your posts, Maya!
Thanks again