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Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

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tripnotyzm said:
Yikes! That sounds intense.
I sure hope you start to heal up soon so you can focus on getting your life back in order!!
Click to expand...

This got moved into this thread from one I created... I thought it would scare people away from the needle... I guess not. Maybe pictures will?

Is it safe to link to pictures hosted on a Flickr account linked to an anonymous Gmail account.

Also, mods, I wasn't trying to vent or rant... I was trying to scare people from the needle, especially IV'ing pills. Any insight on how I could make my post back into a thread? NecFasc is ignored mostly due to the concern of MRSA... but I could have died or lost a limb. I think I see a few possible "trigger" points, but would be willing to edit those out. People need to be aware that NF is real and really happens. So, let me know how to make it "non-triggering" and I will comply!

Peace&Love,
~f.xy
 
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Hey to everyone who gave me a PM me and responded to my post I want to say thank you.

I will get in touch with everyone later, right now I'm off to a meeting.<3
 
I'm in a bad spot. It's Saturday. On Monday I've got to make the jump to sub and have to move away from dope and start working on moving away from all drugs.

I had to be in work early today. By 7:15am I had already swallowed, injected, and/or smoked 5 different drugs. Just doing 5 different substances a day is already not the best thing to be doing, but the fact that this is pretty much normal is kind of scary. I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not on drugs, especially heroin. I have to essentially restart all aspects of my life. In some ways that could be exciting, but I'm scared as hell. I went 19 hours without dope or any other opiate the other day and it was fucking god awful.

I'm terrified. I don't know if I can do this. If I can't switch to sub I am going to have to go to rehab or go live somewhere far away.
 
I got my SKIN GRAFTS! Leg still won't straighten out though. I feel like I'm going to be a Dr. House; smart. full of potential, jaded, bitter and with a pimp cane (silver viper bearing it's fangs with ebony wood) & a bad ass motorcycle.
 
I'm a mess. I'm shaking like hell, my head hurts, and I want to throw up. Worst of all, I can't stop crying.
All this time I thought nobody cared about me, but recent events made me see differently. Now that I'm so far away from everyone I've known for most of my life, it's so much clearer that I really do mean something to some people.
Some people choose to avoid those who are on a self-destructive path, but others choose to risk their relationship with the person to try and save them. Knowing that I was surrounded with the latter, and that they honestly wanted me to be safe makes it so much more painful when I start falling backwards...I know I'm letting them down. It hurts when they say "You can do this, you're strong enough, I believe in you" but I keep messing up and making the same mistakes over and over and over again. I'm not strong enough. One of these days I'm going to do something that fucks me over permanently. I just don't want everyone to have to see me like that...
Here I am, halfway across the country with a chance to start over, and within weeks I'm already doing the same thing I was doing at home...
I'm so, so sorry....
 
/bump.

^^ thank you I never saw that post trip. I'm doing well in that aspect of my life.
 
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*sigh*

I know It's off and on with him when it comes to this subject.

It just pisses me off because a few months we will be cool and then the next, anything triggers his inner demons. IDK. Its not like I ask for it to happen it just rarely does happen. He also just got his permit to carry not too long ago that doesn't make me too happy/settle well within me. Not like I'm saying he would do anything like that to me, god I hope not my son needs his mommy in his life.
 
gr33n3y3z said:
He also just got his permit to carry not too long ago that doesn't make me too happy/settle well within me. Not like I'm saying he would do anything like that to me, god I hope not my son needs his mommy in his life.
Click to expand...

Permit to carry...?
a gun ? :? eep
 
today i just met up with an old acquaintance, now i knew he smokes a pack of ciggs a day and drinks beer/alcohol.but today he told me he has been smoking weed and doing blow for the past 5 years now too plus he told me he cheats on his wife with escorts.
*************THEN................
i tell him i "do a bit" of oxy once in a while"..and i snort it. which was a lie i wasnt going to tell him im in a full blown addiction and iv user, but i wanted to see his reaction....ANNNNDDDDDD

HE FUCKING JUDGED THE FUCK OUT OF ME AND STARTED GIVING ME LECTURES ABOUT HOW ANY OPIATE WILL DESTROY ME AND BLAH BLAH BLAH..UMMM FUCK YOU BUDDIE WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOUR FUCKING BETTER THAN ME? YOU SMOKE WEED AND TABACCO, DO COKE,DRINK EVERY WEEK AND CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE?? AND YOUR JUDGING ME?? GET YOUR SELF IN CHECK. WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? the look on his face was so fucking condescending.

FUCK YOU HYPOCRITE.
 
Yea he has a permit to carry. But he's not that crazy, he very safe with his firearms.

Oh god I'm just so fucking confused/mad/sad, I'm every emotion in one today. Just no words to describe how I'm feeling.
Fuckin relentless ignorant bitch. Just leave me alone, find someone that's into you because I'm not the one.

:? :! :( :X
 
It's currently 2am and I'm up waiting for my flatmate to come home because she owes me money (a lot), money without which I can't eat at all tomorrow. I've been eating about 500 calories a day for the past 3 days because of this and she's been coming home after I go to bed/leaving before I wake up because she clearly doesn't want to give me this money. So tonight I decided to wait til she gets home and now I'm starting to wonder if she even will. I can't take it. I've just moved from another country to go back to uni, I have enough to be taking care of without this bullshit on top of everything else.
And I can't stand all the people I know here, I miss my friends back home, I miss my boyfriend back home. And I've promised to myself to stay off drugs entirely for the next few months because I was really slipping but it's so fucking hard.
And my nose is broken and my neck and head are killing me.

I need a fucking break. :(
 
^^^ my god Pagey that sounds like an awful spot to be in.I hope that chick pays you off soon, you shouldn't have to live like that. Also best of luck with your sobriety I hope you can stay clean longer than a few months but defiantly give your body a break your body needs it<3.

How did you break your nose if you don't mind me asking?

Best wishes to you I hope everything good in life is on your side.
 
Thanks gr33n3y3z, I appreciate it <3

Yeah, I said a few months cuz it seems like a more realistic target for now, but hopefully I'll be able to just get used to a sober life again. Or at least, be able to control my drug use again.
I broke my nose by overdoing a stim session, fainting multiple times and eventually falling flat on my face...which at least served as the wake-up call to stop drugs, but I now need surgery because I really messed it up and can't breathe through my nose anymore (not to mention it looks a bit off) so it's just such a pain :(

Thanks again, hope you're well <3
 
Thank you I'm doing fine.

But I just really feel for you. Damn that must really hurt I had a guy punch me in my face 7 years back and I had to get surgery for that. So I know where your coming from.

Yea whatever works for you on being able to staying sober everyone's different, is there a clinic you can go to for a maintenance program to help you through tuff times?
 
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Fuck life ATM, I've been soo stressed out here lately and I've been taking it out on others. I'm such an asshole when I'm not getting my fix of choice, I really need to hop back on the Suboxone asap.
 
I just spoke to my younger brother (25 years old), he just found out he has a brain tumour. I was the first person he told, so we spoke on the phone about it for like 40 minutes. I could hear him going through the different stages of despair, anger, reasoning etc.
Afterwards I immediately called my boyfriend to tell him the bad news. We spoke about my brother's diagnosis for a while, but then he asked me if I've had any codeine today (I'm currently recovering from a pretty bad codeine addiction). I can't lie to him so I told the truth and I said yes I'd had some today. He hung up and now he won't answer my calls. I was legitimately taking the codeine for pain and I wasn't taking more than the recommended dose, so I wasn't abusing it! I cannot let this fuck up our relationship. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me :(
 
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