• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

Status
Not open for further replies.
Don't have any weed. I use it to deal with the mood swings and anxiety that accompany BPD. I got the money but I got to rely on the black market as this isn't a medical state. So glad I live in the freest country in the world. Where a bowl pack of weed in your own house isn't allowed. Medical or not. I'm not a huge fan of getting hammered but life is too much of a mind fuck to be sober right now. So here goes nothing. 13% chardonnay and I got a whole box so I can get as drunk as I want. I've got some Seroquel if I start to get too crazy...
 
What's going on tripnotysm this thread is for venting after all?

I've had:

a good chardonnay
clonazepam

I'm so depressed from no weed. I want to cut myself. It sucks I can't get MMJ cause I really need it. If I had some MJ I could gaurantee safety for myself tonight. I can't at the moment.

Morning EDIT: A lot more stable now thinks blackrabbit for editing my posts. Didn't know about that rule.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Fuck :(

I fucked up my whole 'not touching opiates again' today... urgh... I was supposed to be helping friends with a market stall but they weren't there and didn't let me know so I wasted 4 hours traveling while the trains were not running today. I was so pissed off I needed something to calm me down and take my mind off things.

weekend addiction said:
Morning EDIT: A lot more stable now thinks blackrabbit for editing my posts. Didn't know about that rule.
Click to expand...

It's not exactly a rule. While we are lenient about talking about what we've taken in this thread, there is no real need for amounts.
 
Words can't describe how I feel.

I cannot stand people who would knowingly go out of their way to prolong my suffering. I have no sympathy for such fools and their lives will be shit because of it.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Necro Fasc... Surviving a million mini-zombies...

Hello friends,

So, the sly ol' Foxy ran into some trouble that was almost his end finally. For those of you that don't know, after a frustrated nurse triple stuck me with the same butterfly needle out of frustration when I was in the psych ward in 2011, I suffer from recurrent Staph infections. I do my own I&Ds I have had so many (one or two a month with the longest break being 2 months before NYE of this last year). Back on July 22nd, I used a 3cc rig with a 20gauge tip to draw up a 10mg OxyMorphone IR and 20mg Ritalin IR. I was in a rush and the mooch didn't work well. I ended up skin popping all of it into my left calf.

I dropped acid that nite and spent most of the trip before I ended it with downers crying in pain and depression to my best-friend/girl (and ruined her first trip... I'm such an ass...). Though, I think the acid let me see my future really... which wasn't good.

My calf hurt, bad. I soon spiked a fever above 104 degrees for several days in a row. I had planned to perform a home I&D but chickened out (that NEVER happens... I love doing I&Ds). On within a week of the horrid nite on acid I checked into the cheapest hospital in town. They assessed me, then sent me to another hospital as they felt they were unequipped to deal with my situation.

After all those Staph infections that just resulted in Cellulitis and Abscesses... I had done it. I had Necrotizing fasciitis.

The first surgery was a hole that was packed with gauze. When they went to remove the gauze/inspect the wound the next day, I told them to pull the gauze out FAST. The video seems like a macabre magic trick... the gauze just keeps coming and coming. The next surgery cut me open from an inch or two above my knee on my inner thigh to an inch above my inner leg above my ankle. The cut measures 47cm in length. My bone was visible and I had to have my calf muscle stitched back to the lower muscle (it looked as if it was about to fall off). The surgeons removed ALL of the fat, dermis, and epidermis from an area sized 36cm x 8cm. I had a total of 4+ (it's all a blur) surgeries. I got Propofol for two of the surgeries (take that MJ, hah). Okay, enough gloating and back to the serious nature of this (I have to laugh at life or else it would make me cry for eternity). I was on a pain pump getting 0.3mg of HydroMorphone every 8 minutes and this did NOTHING for the pain. I am in pain management and get 20mg of Oxymorphone a day that I inject, so the Dilaudid was a step down for me. If anything, it got my body accustomed to a little bit of an Opioid every 8 minutes. Even now, at home injecting my OxyMorphone, I am at a 9/10 on the pain scale (I enjoy pain, so you would be at a 36/10... I astound the doctors and nurses when I peel the dressing off the wound without winching myself). I have a "WoundVac" that sucks fluid off the wound that I must wear 24/7. I can't straighten my leg all the way out, and will likely have a permanent limp (I was a state champion track runner in high school a decade ago).

On Thursday we begin to talk skin grafts. Those will take 6-8 weeks to heal.

I have lost my job. I have lost my insurance. I am lucky my girl has stuck with me. My parents loathe me. I want to die honestly (but I know I can't OD...).

So, my point? Don't inject drugs. It's a line you can't cross back over once you've really committed to crossing it. I would be in horrific pain if I just snorted my Oxymorphone... God forbid I eat it as prescribed...

Also, any questions about Necrotizing fasciitis you have, I will gladly answer.

Please, don't follow Foxy to hell... I am a horrible warning, not a shining example.

Peace&Love,
~f.xy
 
<3
Sometimes fuck ups happen.
Unless the situation has caused permanent changes to your life, try not to let it throw you out of sync with your self.
 
- FUCK FUCKING STRATTERA! i was taking it a month ago, started to make me feel like shit, stopped taking it. then today i thought it wouldnt hurt to take a strattera for some energy, and i feel soooooooooo fucking weird right now :( at first i thought it was just normal anxiety and depression, but i have neever been THIS depressed where it is like i dont even see how i am going to make it enough week. i feel like shit right now, please help me! i guess the only thing i can do is ride it out. omg i hate this feeling, i just dumped the rest of the strattera down the toilette. im so sad right now, i just want this to be over
 
greywoodfoxhall said:
Hello friends,

So, the sly ol' Foxy ran into some trouble that was almost his end finally. For those of you that don't know, after a frustrated nurse triple stuck me with the same butterfly needle out of frustration when I was in the psych ward in 2011, I suffer from recurrent Staph infections. I do my own I&Ds I have had so many (one or two a month with the longest break being 2 months before NYE of this last year). Back on July 22nd, I used a 3cc rig with a 20gauge tip to draw up a 10mg OxyMorphone IR and 20mg Ritalin IR. I was in a rush and the mooch didn't work well. I ended up skin popping all of it into my left calf.

I dropped acid that nite and spent most of the trip before I ended it with downers crying in pain and depression to my best-friend/girl (and ruined her first trip... I'm such an ass...). Though, I think the acid let me see my future really... which wasn't good.

My calf hurt, bad. I soon spiked a fever above 104 degrees for several days in a row. I had planned to perform a home I&D but chickened out (that NEVER happens... I love doing I&Ds). On within a week of the horrid nite on acid I checked into the cheapest hospital in town. They assessed me, then sent me to another hospital as they felt they were unequipped to deal with my situation.

After all those Staph infections that just resulted in Cellulitis and Abscesses... I had done it. I had Necrotizing fasciitis.

The first surgery was a hole that was packed with gauze. When they went to remove the gauze/inspect the wound the next day, I told them to pull the gauze out FAST. The video seems like a macabre magic trick... the gauze just keeps coming and coming. The next surgery cut me open from an inch or two above my knee on my inner thigh to an inch above my inner leg above my ankle. The cut measures 47cm in length. My bone was visible and I had to have my calf muscle stitched back to the lower muscle (it looked as if it was about to fall off). The surgeons removed ALL of the fat, dermis, and epidermis from an area sized 36cm x 8cm. I had a total of 4+ (it's all a blur) surgeries. I got Propofol for two of the surgeries (take that MJ, hah). Okay, enough gloating and back to the serious nature of this (I have to laugh at life or else it would make me cry for eternity). I was on a pain pump getting 0.3mg of HydroMorphone every 8 minutes and this did NOTHING for the pain. I am in pain management and get 20mg of Oxymorphone a day that I inject, so the Dilaudid was a step down for me. If anything, it got my body accustomed to a little bit of an Opioid every 8 minutes. Even now, at home injecting my OxyMorphone, I am at a 9/10 on the pain scale (I enjoy pain, so you would be at a 36/10... I astound the doctors and nurses when I peel the dressing off the wound without winching myself). I have a "WoundVac" that sucks fluid off the wound that I must wear 24/7. I can't straighten my leg all the way out, and will likely have a permanent limp (I was a state champion track runner in high school a decade ago).

On Thursday we begin to talk skin grafts. Those will take 6-8 weeks to heal.

I have lost my job. I have lost my insurance. I am lucky my girl has stuck with me. My parents loathe me. I want to die honestly (but I know I can't OD...).

So, my point? Don't inject drugs. It's a line you can't cross back over once you've really committed to crossing it. I would be in horrific pain if I just snorted my Oxymorphone... God forbid I eat it as prescribed...

Also, any questions about Necrotizing fasciitis you have, I will gladly answer.

Please, don't follow Foxy to hell... I am a horrible warning, not a shining example.

Peace&Love,
~f.xy
Click to expand...


Yikes! That sounds intense.
I sure hope you start to heal up soon so you can focus on getting your life back in order!!
 
Oh man I fell off the wagon this weekend after finding some yayo in the apt. Hey its Labor Day weekend!!! Party hardy. Going to feel like crap next week lol. Sometimes I need to do some to remind me why I quit.
 
Fuck you, you asshole.

Yea your not a man not even close, a man doesn't put hands on his girl.

You know what it's so damn hot out side and I have to wear pants because of all the bruises, I'm not going to bother with a long sleeve shirt that's would be brutally hot for me.

I'm leaving you in a few months, you just don't know yet.
 
Gr33n3y3z you deserve a lot more respect than what you are currently receiving from this person.
It tears me apart to know that you are being treated like this :(
Please, don't let yourself get hurt again.
Do something about this now
 
Agreed. Honey, you need to get out of there and away from him before something even worse happens. Please keep posting here and let us know how you're doing. I'm worried about you, sweetie. <3
 
gr33n3y3z said:
Fuck you, you asshole.

Yea your not a man not even close, a man doesn't put hands on his girl.

You know what it's so damn hot out side and I have to wear pants because of all the bruises, I'm not going to bother with a long sleeve shirt that's would be brutally hot for me.

I'm leaving you in a few months, you just don't know yet.
Click to expand...

leave that asshole NOW!!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top