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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

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:( I've been there kace, it really sucks. Sometimes unfortunately you just have to force yourself out of bed for a while and bear with the world outside until you start to enjoy it again. I really haven't found any other solution. Hope things will start to look up soon.
 
FUCKING COMPUTERS :!

Brand new everything and FOR NO REASON AT ALL my harddrive failed. I've just spent a good 16-17 hours trying to recover all my data. Ended up having to format and reinstall on another HDD.
 
4 days without drugs and I almost feel proud, but it just makes me feel like a fucking loser :/
 
You should feel proud. If that's a long time for you to go without drugs then it doesn't matter if others would see that as being a loser or whatever. I'm 9 days clean from heroin and I'm so happy with myself atm even though I'm pretty sure most people would think I'm pathetic for even needing to count my days clean. Seriously, if it's an accomplishment, then let it feel like an accomplishment.
 
Why am I so apathetic? Bound to make the same mistakes over and over. Work due in on Monday. Done none of it yet. Can't even face writing one measly line. Have some reading to do as well, which I can't yet face. It's all just so fucking typical. I've been like this for years and it's got me nowhere. Despite being frustrated at the lack of progress I've made in my young adult life, I still can't seem to get my priorities straight. So irresponsible and stupid. Never persevere. Rarely feel motivated. Where does one find that hunger to succeed or at least be productive?

I really can't help but despise myself sometimes.
 
Goonbag and Pagey- thank you! Congrats on being drug free as well guys. :)

I managed to hustle up a bit of money for the basics, get my ass out of bed and do some work. :) I feel way more positive now, hoping I can keep up the optimistic mindset.
 
I am a piece of shit.

All I feel is shit, I am the source of these feelings, so I guess it's only to be expected that I'm shit.
I'm sorry, mum.
 
^ that middle paragraph ain't TDS talk, son.

Endless, the issue is me being a piece of shit.
I know you were expecting a more elaborate/in depth/expressive answer, but I don't have it in me at the moment.
If it comes to me, I shall express it.
 
goonbag said:
glad you found humour in my intoxication, maybe one day we''ll be in the same old peoples home shitting ourselves while young nurses clean us up, we can only dream :|

or are you laughing cus the K was weak either way the oxy had me NUMB and even more dumb and to rhyme it again so wasted my dick was like it'd been in cold water, so soft i couldn't cum, even if my girl miranda's bum was close to my tongue

(possibly wacked tonight too)
Click to expand...
LOL. I was thinking to myself the other day "why use opiates now, theres plenty of time for that when I am an old fart feigning pain in the old peoples home. Just get one of those morphine machines attached and press the button all the time, until then i am going to steer clear of them."

Made me laugh coz it sounded like me a few months ago man. I can find humour in the way other people act especially if i can relate. And i often find humour in my own unfortunate situations. Life is fun.
 
I fukn hate it when ass clowns you love, but have never learned how to look at emotions for what they are.. fkn suggestions.. i mean if you ignore a emotion what happens.. i mean the god damn world doesn't end, your skin doesn't spontaneously combust, or start puking your neighbors dogs unborn puppies out.. wwtf.. w.. and then having no emotional control they suddenly wonder whats wrong with you that you are still calm and begin, with your best interests peril in mind, begin to push emotional button after emotional button.. so presumably you you get to feel as good as they do.. :!
 
my white whale of bird photography in the local park is the cedar waxwing. somewhat rare in the area, but i kept seeing what was probably the same one repeatedly. i usually bring my camera to the park every time, although this time of year it can be a real drag finding anything to shoot pictures of. it's cold, it's rainy, the light is bad, etc etc. well last week i went to the park and saw a PAIR of them. you know what though? none of my local birding friends have seen a single one this year. i have spotted one or more over a dozen times. who cares about the picture? i'm the fortunate one. my glass is more than half full over this life event.

today was my first day at the park in over a week. weather, lack of energy, et cetera. the weather today is terrible too, but i just needed to get UP and DO something, weather be damned. didn't bring my camera out because of the weather, and i was treated to the sight of the most gorgeous red fox i have ever seen (dear aussies, i know they're an invasive pest species there. they aren't here. please do me the favor of understanding that :)). so yeah, no picture, but at least a memory of a wonderful, fleeting moment.

(i just wanted to write a happy rant for a change)

:D
 
I'm liking the happy rant. :)

Also, sometimes I like that I didn't get a photo of something that was incredibly awesome to see. I love sharing the beauty of some things, but others are just meant to be a private memory that you were privileged to.
 
If you don't wanna be my friend/put up with my shit/whatever, I can understand that.
If you don't know the impact you have on me, I can understand that, in fact it is to be expected.
What I can't understand is why it seems that your idea of play has become disdain and disregard.
I can live without you, and I can live with you as a friend, but I can't live with being toyed with and this goddamn bullshit.
I know (read: hope) you didn't have the intent of making me feel quite like this, but I also know any sort of functioning relationship lacking the dynamic of fucking with me is also unattainable.
I should just quit whilst I'm not deeper in shit, I guess.
Yes, this seems quite melodramatic, even though I'm not a dramatic person and avoid drama.
It's just, when you're the only person I actually want to talk to (even though I feel bad when I try to discuss anything real so I try to play on your terms), when you look forward to something and spend a large portion of time actively waiting for it to occur, only for it to come and shit on you, it's just not cool.

I can play, insult me all night long, but completely dismissing me from the get go, only ceasing to try and genuinely insult me..
I just don't need that shit. It's either find some sort of balance and hope you don't utilise/(ab)use the ability to fuck me, or I simply have to throw in the towel.
Either way, I care way more than you and I'm an uncertain, indolent shithead that lacks awareness and I really can't see us having something worth keeping
but i'll miss you

I guess it's good that I won't be deluding myself with the help of a few stupid pixels

hell I know you don't even like to take anything on the internet seriously/acknowledge your affect on me, and that's fine too.
 
God damn they're at it again, had to stop my grandmother from assaulting my mom with a fucking cane...

Over what? Gas... Gas in the fucking car...

I've gotta get out of this fucking house, I don't wanna be here the day they finally kill each other...

I'm six weeks clean, this isn't exactly the best environment for recovery... Maybe I should start looking into cheap halfway houses...
 
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