Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

[effie]

Today is actually unbearable it hurts so much. Was numb for the first week, now every day has been progressively worse for the past few days. I feel so sick and I can't get out of bed, can hardly move, can't stop crying, just want to scream and scream and scream. I really have no idea how I am going to get through this. If anyone can help pm me please I am really struggling today, been speaking to friends but no one knows what to say...

 

[Carl Landrover]

College is way better, go away to college, and suddenly school won't suck quite so much. Once again, high school sucks, all you TDSers still there...get through it. Right now my life is pretty pathetic, but high school is just particularly awful, and the next episode of your life will definitely provide many more positive people and learning situations.

I hate college and I've hated it since I first started going many years ago. I can't wait for it to be over.

I think that this is the key. Once you're done with high school it becomes much easier to find people with common interests and values, and therefore becomes far easier to be yourself. Post-secondary is a great first step for this, especially if you can find a field of study about which you are passionate.

This isn't a universal. I've had a much harder time meeting people after high school, especially people with similar interests and values.

 

[villian]

there was a storm last night and a branch fell off the tree and killed my windshield. i only have liability insurance so I'm pretty irritated.

 

[Asclepius]

Today is actually unbearable it hurts so much. Was numb for the first week, now every day has been progressively worse for the past few days. I feel so sick and I can't get out of bed, can hardly move, can't stop crying, just want to scream and scream and scream. I really have no idea how I am going to get through this. If anyone can help pm me please I am really struggling today, been speaking to friends but no one knows what to say...

So sorry your going through this atm Effie Let it out hun.

 

[SideOrderOfOpiates]

My inability to cope with reality is far more of a concern than I let anyone in on. It takes quite a bit for me to say this, but I am starting to alarm myself again. Life treats me wonderfully (understatement of the century), people treat me wonderfully (until they can no longer handle me), and yet I completely demolish every lovely opportunity that comes my way! I am continuously finding myself far too depressed to live a 'sober' life for more than 14 days. Time is passing me by, and if I hadn't expected such behaviour, I would be excruciatingly disappointed in myself. Frankly, this is what I have learned to expect from myself. Honestly, I am just frightened that the day I can live as a high functioning occasional user will never arrive. I am severely troubled without drugs in my life. I am not wired properly. Nor am I ever fully sated. I have a million severe nervous conditions, and on top of that, I seem to be the type of gal who does not relate to 96% of the population. I strongly dislike being this way, but while my actions are a choice, the feelings leading up to them are not.

 

[S.M.F.G]

Just finding it near impossible to keep my shit together atm so much going on

Effie, i dont know you but ur obviously sick or something terrible has happened im so sorry to hear that u are in pain
I dont know theres much i can say or do, but holla at me if i can

 

[badfish45]

Yesterday I was sitting in class, my mind was completely somewhere else, just thinking about EVERYTHING in my life, and above all, worrying about my friend addicted to H. When I get like this, sometimes I peel skin and don't even really think about it, so when I was, my teacher came over to me while other people were working and said "I can tell you're a procrastinator, and I know you have the mind to be in this class but you need to put effort into your work or we need to consider a level change"

I dont know what it was, but I broke down crying as soon as she left. It really wasn't what she said, but the context it was in, and mainly how it related to what was on my mind, because I wasn't being lazy, I couldn't think :/ It was so embarrassing, I hate school and I don't want to go back today. I ditched a lot yesterday because I couldn't handle being in class and more and more each day im not giving much of a fuck about anything anymore. I don't want to go back to that class again today, I can't do it. I can't go to school anymore. It's doing more bad then good for me, always has. My parents would NEVER sign me up for online because they feel like my life is completely theirs to control, they never treat me like an adult or with any respect, and expect more than they could live up to out of me. GAAAH. Today is gonna suck

 

[Asclepius]

@SMFG: Keep focused on yourself Man, love reading your posts(around TDS), always resonate with me

Sending love to ma girl SoOo Take comfort in the fact there is no proper 'wiring', you are yourself-not perfect and not deficient...hope you get through this time.



Effie, hope your doin alright hun? Your inbox is full will try and reply again soon.

 

[**hAyzzZZ**]

Some people at my work are fucking idiots. It's not that hard, yet they sheep out and fuck simple shit up creating double the amount of work for those of us who are competent. FRUSTRATING AS FUCK.

 

[panic in paradise]

NSFW:

lately getting sick a lot, when it starts to get bad - one of the things i make myself think of is how, back in tha day - the natives would sometimes gnab a cowBoy, take him to a lone tree mid-day, cut into him and pull out a portion of his intestines, wrap and attach them to the trunk of the tree and leave him there in the sun to attract varmint, ants, and coyotes etc.

their idea of 'spread eagle' is another story, for bad back and shoulder-blade pain diversion

it really is amazing stuff to me, i learned it in grade-school...

 

[S.M.F.G]

Some people at my work are fucking idiots. It's not that hard, yet they sheep out and fuck simple shit up creating double the amount of work for those of us who are competent. FRUSTRATING AS FUCK.

I feel this way but its not just restricted to work. Always remember....."Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." -George carlin
Tha lad was dead on spot with most of what he said may he Rest in peace.

An thnx Asclepius , am ridin shit out as best i can, shit seems to be good today, I'l b back on this thread no doubt if it all falls apart

Panic, that shit is also facinating to me more the human behaviour side of it, You dont see any animals engaging in such things, those things we people feel so superior over.. Humans have to be the most facinating creatures on earth.

 

[addictivepersona]

Gritty breakfasts are disgusting. As are undercooked ones.

Oy. Thought it was going to be really good too...

(Potato, carrot, Swiss chard, and beet greens. I'd bet money on the culprit being the chard--Only did a quick rinse prior to chopping, unlike the beet greens and carrots that got a thorough washing the other day. And potatoes rarely make breakfasts gritty...)

As far as being undercooked, well, that's my fault for not doing a taste test...

 

[Pillthrill]

Where to I even start?!
I spend my days caring for others (DV/SA/homeless) just to have it thrown back in my face or force me to be a damn babysitter because they act like children. Then I'M the bitch. I can't want it more than they do but I don't know how to turn it off. I try not to make their problems my problem but if you are forced to deal with it 8 hours a day you can't help but to absorb it. So all their problems that they don't give a shit about I take home with me and worry about. How sick is that. So much so that I can't deal with my own problems. Or MY feels. They treat me and expect me to have no feelings at all! I just have to swallow them!

Then I come home to the bf who says he is looking for work but he really sorta isn't. I make a small volunteer living wage that it meant to support a single person and I'm supporting us both! There is NO reason he can't find a job! UH! And he does nothing at home. I can't him to wash the dishes let along GET OUT OF BED! So I clean the house, go to work and take care of and clean up after people to come home to more housework to do. Or maybe its just me, I want thing cleaned up and he just doesn't care...
We will be going on 2 years this month and idk if its the job thing or something deeper in our relationship. I know I have a lot of issues (working with domestic violence and sexual assault victims doesn't help that either)

I feel like they ALL suck the very soul out of me so that I have nothing more to give, even to myself let alone the relationship (but isn't he wanting from me too). I don't know how I feel anymore other than empty. I want to ask for help but what can be said or done really. I HAVE to learn to care for myself while I care for others but its a lot harder than you would ever think.

To cope I smoke a 2-5 bowls of weed a night (even when I shouldn't), drink (not a lot or all the time, once a week or so) or taking benzos (I have a script for my Generalize Anxiety Disorder) but I try to go without and honestly in the long run I don't think they help. I come home and smoke weed and watch TV. The TV doesn't ask anything of me....

Sorry, I just needed a safe environment where I could get this out. Feed back would be nice.
I've been looking at options
- change jobs: can't right now, quit smoking: I'm too afraid and after 2 years of everyday use....It may make me LESS stable at work and I can't afford that. Leave the bf: Don't think its that far yet. I keep pushing and hoping he will respond to my frustration. Find a counselor: Every counselor in town sees the people I work with at my job. I can't get time off work to do that a lot. And with nature of my work what I can talk about is very limited. And my insurance ends in Feb of this year.



I just feel so empty with unknown waves of sadness from a unknown source.
Like I soon will just fade away completely...

 

[panic in paradise]

i think its strange how american english is made up of so many other languages, and yet, we dont hardly know any others.

yes most other countries boarder other countries, so speaking other languages isnt as foreign, although many do speak english(better then us). we also have that superiority thing going on, which most of the rest of the world knows is a joke. especially sense part of our superiority, is that we think its stupid-strange-ab normal sounding if other people use our words in their original context. when body language, key pitch and tone of voice are whats more important most often - like music.

our language is such a mash on top of a mash that its all covered over, washed out and rinsed of its original flavor essence or meaning. we are similar to the words we use now, our heritage and traditions either dont exist yet(besides amongst the native americans) or are recognized in the countries our families came from, if at all. i cant imagine there ever really being one for the USA at this rate for another one hundred years or what everZ.

 

[Dave]

@PT: Something has to change. If your work is so demanding I don't think that it's at all unreasonable to ask your BF to take care of the housework, especially as he's unemployed and you're supporting him. But if you let it slide, he has no real impetus to change, does he?

Just a little food for thought, is all.

 

[badfish45]

I agree with Dave. You can't let him do this to you, or he will. Sometimes, us guys need tough love, be completely straight forward with him, it's the only way you will get him to change.

 

[Pillthrill]

How do you approach that without coming off as the stereotypical bitchy nagging gf?
He already tells me that I'm bitchy or cranky but he would be too if he has the days I do.
Did YOU have to drag someone out of bed to get them to the ER cause they took too many pills? No.
Did you have a pervert caller feigning abuse? No
Did you have to play babysitter to a house of 20 adult women cause of stupid shit and drama? No

 

[placid space]

Seriously, dont even start thinking youre coming off as a nagging gf. FFS he should be grateful beyond words and clean the house without you ever having to even say a word. How are you even considering that you would be nagging at him? He is the one putting you in this uncomfortable position by being a lazy slob. I am sometimes just surprised how much people let themselves be basically exploited in relationships. Caring and loving one another has nothing to do with oral expression of your love with the empty "i love you" s. Even if never spoken, it doesnt matter, its all about how a person behaves to prove it. If youre doing all the work and he little to nothing, then thats f*cked up. He should be looking for work, cleaning the house, cooking dinner and giving you a massage. And I am not being idealistic, I think its how little people expect from parters and how passive everyone is these days that is the problem. Everything is about balance and your relationship is missing it IMO. Youre putting in a lot, he is not, youre sad because of it, he doesnt really care (even if he says he does it doesnt matter, words are nothing really without action)...
Girl, get serious and make it right. You should not live like this.

 

[Carl Landrover]

^ (to PillThrill)
Is your boyfriend depressed? It can be difficult to find a job and difficult to motivate yourself to really look, especially since applying for jobs is basically sending in an online resume.

As overwhelmed as you seem PT, have you tried helping him look at all or helping him get started on the search? Sometimes when I'm procrastinating (that's not the right word, but I can't think of a better one) on something like that it's because I'm feeling anxious about it and I've already put it off, which makes me feel more anxious, which makes me feel depressed because I'm making myself anxious and not doing the things I need to do! It just continues to snowball like that in a bad direction. Having someone intervene and help with finding some direction and focus can really help.

Maybe helping him look for a job will help get the ball rolling on letting him know how you've been feeling about the situation?

 

[placid space]

People throw around these words a bit too much these days. Depressed, anxious... But even if her bf is a valid case that doesnt excuse him from being a lazy bum and not pitching in around the house and acting like he does. And why would she need to tell him how she feels about the situation? I think any reasonable human being can figure out that he might be pis*sing off his partner by not helping around the house and being overall inconsiderate.