KittyLazarus
Bluelighter
FUCK i'd kill for something worthwhile to IV right now!!!!
it's my day off!!! i should be gettin off in SOME way......
it's my day off!!! i should be gettin off in SOME way......
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Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)
- Thread starter ocean
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ocean
Bluelight Crew
I guess I am going back on benzos
I'm not happy about it.
I got off of them at the end of January- I really did not want to be on them again-
today i went to the dr and he was a bit of a douche and wouldn't listen to me or had his own assumptions of what was going on -
says to take clonazepam for sleep.........
he wouldn't listen to me that the reason i don't sleep is b/c of pain-
i just want a mild muscle relaxer.
Now I feel like Im taking a step back....
I'm not happy about it.I got off of them at the end of January- I really did not want to be on them again-
today i went to the dr and he was a bit of a douche and wouldn't listen to me or had his own assumptions of what was going on -
says to take clonazepam for sleep.........
he wouldn't listen to me that the reason i don't sleep is b/c of pain-
i just want a mild muscle relaxer.
Now I feel like Im taking a step back....
HppieFrk
Greenlighter
Here's my rant:
My 18 year old daughter is a total bitch. Seriously, I can't believe she is even of the same DNA as the rest of us. When she is in the house, you can cut the tension and stress with a knife, as she is loud mouthed, foul mouthed, completely self centered, constantly bitching and complaining, etc. When she leaves, we all breathe a sigh of relief.
I wrote her a letter two days ago, requesting that she move out of the house by the end of summer. I hate that it has come to this, I hate that I can't stand my own child, but I can't live like this any more. When she comes home, or when I know she is due home soon, my stomach knots up and I get in a bad mood.
She hasn't responded to the letter yet, nor has she spoken to me since. Just stomps around the house. My poor son, her brother, is taking the brunt of it, having to deal with her as he is the only one she is speaking to.
End of rant.
My 18 year old daughter is a total bitch. Seriously, I can't believe she is even of the same DNA as the rest of us. When she is in the house, you can cut the tension and stress with a knife, as she is loud mouthed, foul mouthed, completely self centered, constantly bitching and complaining, etc. When she leaves, we all breathe a sigh of relief.
I wrote her a letter two days ago, requesting that she move out of the house by the end of summer. I hate that it has come to this, I hate that I can't stand my own child, but I can't live like this any more. When she comes home, or when I know she is due home soon, my stomach knots up and I get in a bad mood.
She hasn't responded to the letter yet, nor has she spoken to me since. Just stomps around the house. My poor son, her brother, is taking the brunt of it, having to deal with her as he is the only one she is speaking to.
End of rant.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
I guess I am going back on benzos
I got off of them at the end of January- I really did not want to be on them again-
today i went to the dr and he was a bit of a douche and wouldn't listen to me or had his own assumptions of what was going on -
says to take clonazepam for sleep.........
he wouldn't listen to me that the reason i don't sleep is b/c of pain-
i just want a mild muscle relaxer.
Now I feel like Im taking a step back....
The doctor sounds like an ass. It's your mental health, you shouldn't take benzos if you don't want to. Don't take a step back. Maybe try a different doctor? That's weird he would give you benzos but not a muscle relaxer... considering muscle relaxers aren't addictive and aren't really abusable and benzos... are.
ocean
Bluelight Crew
^
I have an appt to see another Dr. on the 1st-
It just seems far away when I haven't had a full/good sleep in like 2 weeks or more.......
I didn't fill my script but might take a part of one of my husband's kpins if i need to.......
HOPEFULLY the other dr. will agree with me (and you and my husband
) that a muscle relaxer is the better option for me.......
I have an appt to see another Dr. on the 1st-
It just seems far away when I haven't had a full/good sleep in like 2 weeks or more.......
I didn't fill my script but might take a part of one of my husband's kpins if i need to.......
HOPEFULLY the other dr. will agree with me (and you and my husband
) that a muscle relaxer is the better option for me.......
ocean
Bluelight Crew
^I've been taking the kpinns...... it isn't working for insomnia but i feel much calmer
still going to the dr on the first though..........the pain hasnt gone away.......wish i hadnt wastede my money on the last dr.........oh well.
still going to the dr on the first though..........the pain hasnt gone away.......wish i hadnt wastede my money on the last dr.........oh well.
mrs_mia_wallace
Bluelighter
french women and their cooking... 
claire22
Bluelighter
My mother is going back to Greece for 2 months in 3 weeks. My 18 yr old sister (who is taking a year off between HS & uni) is having the family home to herself as my 13 yr old brother is going to my nonna's house for the duration.
Uh-ohhhhhh!......
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Uh-ohhhhhh!......
^Not work related but this reminded me........
I am now letting go of all hope my Grandma will consider me a good girl.
She has joined facebook and sent me a friend request.
You can't deny your grandma!!!!!
I don't ever say anything bad really but.........
I'm sort of different when I talk to my grandmother than someone my age
I have my cousin to thank for passing my page onto her...........nice.
DUDE, your g'ma is a hip old lady... my g'ma hardly knows how to use a typewriter (lol), let alone a computer (they have one, and we've tried, but it's all a silly fad to them %).)
Anyways, my rant is...
I have this mp3 player; it's a sansa e200 and it's awesome.... BUT, when I plugged it into the computer today, a different program than WinMedPlaya pulled up FIRST! And asked me if I want to transfer my photo files from album to album (nero photoexpress or something);
So I think SURE! I may as well have my photos online, on my computer, on my usb thumb drive, on my phone, AND on my mp3 player! wowee! technology! So I choose to transfer the photos in "my photos" (under "my documents") to Sansa player.
Then, dumbass me thinks, OK, DONE! And I close that shit. (the nero program) b/c WinMedPlaya had come up and was giving me the "you can only transfer files w/one program at a time BS". I figured the 40 or so pics would be done in like 5 min right??
Well, it's been 20 (damn thing still says "writing") and I don't know if I fucked it by closing the program or if I should just restart the damn thing or how far along it is even!! AARRRRGHHH! The worst part is, I looked in the manual, and it doesn't mention nero as a program i should be using AT ALL, so I am clueless as to whether this is how it would normally go. I FREAKING NEED THIS TO BE OVER SO I CAN UPLOAD MY MUSIC!! kshfiuhweruighrwaigh
EDIT: I unplugged it & none of the photos transferred. Whatever.
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Mister Superzombie
Bluelighter
^ Could have been worse: last time I unplugged a MP3 player that wasn't done transfering, it never worked again
Now that I think of it, I fucked two MP3 players doing so. Damn.
Now that I think of it, I fucked two MP3 players doing so. Damn.
My mother is going back to Greece for 2 months in 3 weeks. My 18 yr old sister (who is taking a year off between HS & uni) is having the family home to herself as my 13 yr old brother is going to my nonna's house for the duration.
Uh-ohhhhhh!......
claire, are you part italian?
mrs_mia_wallace
Bluelighter
I am so frustrated with my parents!
Most of my life I've pulled away from them and not looked to them for help, to confide in, ask advice of. My both tell me "you never just want to talk to me, you never tell me anything that's going on in your life" and for the most part I've always kept things to myself and tried to do them on my own, not really wanted them to BE parents. Now that I'm getting older I'm past the "I hate my parents they don't know anything they're old and embarassing" phase and trying to build a more honest and open relationship with them, and take advantage of their help...
But it's like we get along in the beginning but then I go too far or something and they really DON'T understand or don't want to know... I just talked to my father for an hour trying to tell him why I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown and he started yelling at me because he was not listening to what I was saying. I feel like I try to explain to them and they just don't listen or don't understand and get angry at me. And they really just want me to pretend that everything is fine. I'm trying to scream at them I AM NOT FINE, I NEED HELP and the reaction I'm getting is "no you're fine, shut the fuck and suck it up and get through your day." So then I think OK maybe I am fine and it's OK to be a drug addict because apparently I'm functioning enough that it's not a problem... I don't know what to do, I don't know how to be an adult and take care of myself and I feel like I have no one to take care of me so I'm just out in the fucking ocean drowning.
And I really just want to cry and fall apart right now but I don't want to let my father get me this upset or something...
rant rant rant rant rant rant
Most of my life I've pulled away from them and not looked to them for help, to confide in, ask advice of. My both tell me "you never just want to talk to me, you never tell me anything that's going on in your life" and for the most part I've always kept things to myself and tried to do them on my own, not really wanted them to BE parents. Now that I'm getting older I'm past the "I hate my parents they don't know anything they're old and embarassing" phase and trying to build a more honest and open relationship with them, and take advantage of their help...
But it's like we get along in the beginning but then I go too far or something and they really DON'T understand or don't want to know... I just talked to my father for an hour trying to tell him why I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown and he started yelling at me because he was not listening to what I was saying. I feel like I try to explain to them and they just don't listen or don't understand and get angry at me. And they really just want me to pretend that everything is fine. I'm trying to scream at them I AM NOT FINE, I NEED HELP and the reaction I'm getting is "no you're fine, shut the fuck and suck it up and get through your day." So then I think OK maybe I am fine and it's OK to be a drug addict because apparently I'm functioning enough that it's not a problem... I don't know what to do, I don't know how to be an adult and take care of myself and I feel like I have no one to take care of me so I'm just out in the fucking ocean drowning.
And I really just want to cry and fall apart right now but I don't want to let my father get me this upset or something...
rant rant rant rant rant rant
claire22
Bluelighter
Yes my fathers side is Italian (but grew up in Germany as one of his parents is Part German or some shit) and my mothers side Greek
My grandmothers hate me calling them 'grandma' it's nonna and yiayia!
TwistedReality
Bluelighter
I'm stuck at my parents' house, literally. I'm staying with them until school starts again in the fall because I got really bad off on opiates and ended up broke. The city I love, all my friends, and anything fun to do is an hour away, and my car is fucked up right now. I'm waiting for my methadone but my friend still hasn't fucking got here, and he called me at 10 pm last night saying someone had been involved in an accident (long story) so it wouldn't be yesterday, but I would get them today early, after he dropped his son off at school and went and did something else.
It is now 2:16 p.m. and I'm sitting on my ass. Fiending, anxious, depressed (anxiety/depression are actually not from the drugs), and I can't even go for a walk because this goddamn place doesn't even have sidewalks and it's way too fucking hot to go hiking.
I FEEL LIKE JUMPING OUT OF MY SKIN!!!!!!
It is now 2:16 p.m. and I'm sitting on my ass. Fiending, anxious, depressed (anxiety/depression are actually not from the drugs), and I can't even go for a walk because this goddamn place doesn't even have sidewalks and it's way too fucking hot to go hiking.
I FEEL LIKE JUMPING OUT OF MY SKIN!!!!!!
Man, I know what that's like. Get outside and take a walk/run if you can. The endorphins + sunshine really help.
Hooray! I'm half Italian and my nonna cooks the best food.Yes my fathers side is Italian (but grew up in Germany as one of his parents is Part German or some shit) and my mothers side Greek
My grandmothers hate me calling them 'grandma' it's nonna and yiayia!
Ive been there many times. I also can't get out of the house much to go for a walk or anything to make myself feel better if im in withdrawal because i live in a small town a hour away from the city. I have no desire for every nosey cunt to wonder why i look like death and am clearly in pain and maybe staggering from all the benzos if im dopesick.
So ya i know how ya feel like. I hate that feeling like your going to crawl outta yer skin when your in withdrawal.
I'm good enough for you when you're an addict and were to ashamed to be like that around anyone else. I'm good enough to "be there for you" when you are going through hell. But as soon as the day cracks dawn we're all of a sudden grown apart. I can't believe this is happening.
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TwistedReality
Bluelighter
Well I'm finally feeling better..jesus, that was a rough day. I took my hoops out into this field with a creek running through it and got a lot of exercise hoopdancing for over an hour. Then I ended up getting my 'done and valium and chilling out. *Sigh of relief*
That restless feeling is the worst, man.
That restless feeling is the worst, man.
Draigan
Ex-Bluelighter
trancegirlie is some dick not repaying your kindness?
Mariposa
Bluelight Crew
{{trancegirle}}
Oddly enough I am in a good mood today. One modification would be great, though - I wish it would stop raining as it's making me tired and not want to clod around in my rain boots on a desperately needed shopping trip.
I also need to put an important file together for a very important appointment on Monday, which I am procrastinating on doing. It will take less than an hour but grrr nonetheless.
Oddly enough I am in a good mood today. One modification would be great, though - I wish it would stop raining as it's making me tired and not want to clod around in my rain boots on a desperately needed shopping trip.
I also need to put an important file together for a very important appointment on Monday, which I am procrastinating on doing. It will take less than an hour but grrr nonetheless.
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