I know exactly what you mean hun. I have that chronic problem of not speaking my mind and not telling people what I really think at the time. It plagues me. I never take care of myself or my psyche, and its about fucking time I did so...
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Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)
- Thread starter ocean
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I know exactly what you mean hun. I have that chronic problem of not speaking my mind and not telling people what I really think at the time. It plagues me. I never take care of myself or my psyche, and its about fucking time I did so...
SilverFeniks
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2002
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- 4,541
I've been spending as much time as possible in different cities, states, just to get out of my own house ..
Yet I always have to come back (gotta work + pay the massive bills) .. And every second longer I'm stuck in my house I just want to 187 my worthless shite ex-friend squatter .. Who still won't leave 3 months after I told him to get out, but still trashes my place with his friends when I'm gone ..
So infuriating; I've never had to deal with such rage. Trying so hard to get my life on track and work for a better future, and yet I can't find peace in my own home or acheive my goals so long as someone else is holding me back.
Sadly I'd "learned" the lesson not to help out unreliable aquaintances once before, but I'm so hopelessly reserved/gullible that I let people walk all over me and can't raise a whisper in protest. The rage + my surroundings inspires violent thoughts, but at heart I know that's not me, and its not worth throwing my entire life away over someone who's already ruined a year of it.
Happily I've spent quality time with some true friends lately .. Too bad I had to sell my car to survive & all the friends/family I care about live so far away.
Mia, that all sounds so scary, glad things are working out!!
Had a BBQ last nite for my friend's birthday, we all felt fortunate to be working still, even tho none of us are FT anymore .. I'm stressing over the new biennial budget coming soon, but some of my friends are already packing to move out of state in anticipation of layoffs.
I want to move so bad, but can't afford to lose $40k + still owe my Dad $20k ...
So to reckless abandon I cast my fate; I'm back on the psychadelics train ... my mind's already lost so might as well fry what I don't have a bit more :]
Yet I always have to come back (gotta work + pay the massive bills) .. And every second longer I'm stuck in my house I just want to 187 my worthless shite ex-friend squatter .. Who still won't leave 3 months after I told him to get out, but still trashes my place with his friends when I'm gone ..
So infuriating; I've never had to deal with such rage. Trying so hard to get my life on track and work for a better future, and yet I can't find peace in my own home or acheive my goals so long as someone else is holding me back.
Sadly I'd "learned" the lesson not to help out unreliable aquaintances once before, but I'm so hopelessly reserved/gullible that I let people walk all over me and can't raise a whisper in protest. The rage + my surroundings inspires violent thoughts, but at heart I know that's not me, and its not worth throwing my entire life away over someone who's already ruined a year of it.
Happily I've spent quality time with some true friends lately .. Too bad I had to sell my car to survive & all the friends/family I care about live so far away.
Mia, that all sounds so scary, glad things are working out!!
Had a BBQ last nite for my friend's birthday, we all felt fortunate to be working still, even tho none of us are FT anymore .. I'm stressing over the new biennial budget coming soon, but some of my friends are already packing to move out of state in anticipation of layoffs.
I want to move so bad, but can't afford to lose $40k + still owe my Dad $20k ...
So to reckless abandon I cast my fate; I'm back on the psychadelics train ... my mind's already lost so might as well fry what I don't have a bit more :]
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ocean
Bluelight Crew
SF- That sucks!! Is he paying rent still?????
SilverFeniks
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2002
- Messages
- 4,541
Still?? :D surely you jest.
The whole situation has certainly challenged me .. I can understand alcoholism, though not to the extend he's taken it (forsaking family + basic survival to drink) .. At least seeing all the damage he does to his own life, and how he abuses every helping hand offered him, puts my own addiction & thoughts on survival into perspective.
Some people just bring you down the more you try to help I guess, can't hang on forever
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
ocean
Bluelight Crew
^Yeah.....I've been there.......
Sometimes its SO hard to say- i can't help you anymore-
Maybe you can learn from his mistakes
BUT there has got to be some way to get him out of your place!!!!!!!!!
I can't imagine how frustrating!!
Sometimes its SO hard to say- i can't help you anymore-
Maybe you can learn from his mistakes
BUT there has got to be some way to get him out of your place!!!!!!!!!
I can't imagine how frustrating!!
Endymion00
Bluelighter
I'm in high school so of course I have drama and shit to rant about! Oh dear...so much shit going on in my life right now I hardly know where to start. The few things worth living for I can hardly do...or people...I can hardly see.
Most of my friends clearly aren't my friends...
My parents don't let me do shit. Found out I was skipping classes because of my social issues with other people. Grounded me from everything. Remade my room and took absolutely everything out of it.
My boyfriend is being a dick. He doesn't understand anything I want...and I know I may not be communicating that well, but a guy should be able to take a hint?
Again, evil bitchy girlfriends piss me off. It makes going to school unbearable sometimes...dealing with that one girl in your group who no one else even really likes. And then she brings her retarded ass boyfriend over to fondle one another.
All of my friends don't really seem to know or understand me for who I am. Me.
Hopefully next year will be better though. :/ Just a month or so and I'm out of this shit hole permanently.
Most of my friends clearly aren't my friends...
My parents don't let me do shit. Found out I was skipping classes because of my social issues with other people. Grounded me from everything. Remade my room and took absolutely everything out of it.
My boyfriend is being a dick. He doesn't understand anything I want...and I know I may not be communicating that well, but a guy should be able to take a hint?
Again, evil bitchy girlfriends piss me off. It makes going to school unbearable sometimes...dealing with that one girl in your group who no one else even really likes. And then she brings her retarded ass boyfriend over to fondle one another.
All of my friends don't really seem to know or understand me for who I am. Me.
Hopefully next year will be better though. :/ Just a month or so and I'm out of this shit hole permanently.
KittyLazarus
Bluelighter
I usually just try and have as little to do with the parents as possible... I really don't like dealing with them.
My mom never really talked to my coach, she would just check in to see how I was doing and talk about expenses, etc. The parents that do that don't annoy me.
There are two kinds that I cannot stand. The ones that are SUPER involved and want to come watch their kid at every practice and be front row at every competition and are constantly asking me how their kid is doing annoy the hell out of me. If you seriously want to manage everything yourself then you should coach your kid yourself. I was SO happy my mom was never the equivelent of a gymnastics stage-mom, and it made me much more responsible and a better gymnast. I also can't stand the parents that come in and blame me for their kid not doing well-- no matter how good a coach you have if you do not work your ass off and practice you are not going to be good. Coaches do not have magic powers, and I definitely do not! 8)
After the last altercation where this mom bitched me out twice, I just didn't really respond and told my boss about it and from now on she hasn't come up to me and has just been dealing with him... I think that's the best way to go, mom's never really have any respect for me because everyone thinks I'm like sixteen years old-- I look super young.
^
thanks for the advice Miss Mia. i'm prolly just gunna stay the hell away from the parents when i'm talking amongst my co-workers!
as for looking 10 years younger than i really am....... I friggin understand like you don't EVEN KNOW!!!
this weekend I got carded for YET ANOTHER R-rated movie!!!!!
i rarely get carded for liquor or cigarettes..... but it happens ALL THE TIME with R-rated movies!
like, why does this happen, i'm 24 and i know i look 16/17, but COME ON!!!!
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
That dog still makes the daily rounds to our house. I hate that I have to watch the doors all day long and worry about them being damaged or broken when the dog and my cats try to attack each other through it. I have to go pay my mortgage in a minute and I'm worried about leaving. 
Earlier today the dog kept going back and forth between all the doors. Then he came up the front outside stairs to the front door and just stood guard there for like a half hour. I had to lock my cats in the other room which I shouldn't have to do in THEIR OWN HOUSE!
The damn owners never come get their dogs, even when they're barking, and so I still don't know which house they live in or who their owner is. Whenever I finally see them I'm going to have a few words to say. Like, get ahold of your dog because he's damaging my front door and I'm scared he's going to break in and attack my cats!
Worst thing is that the only way I could make the dog leave earlier when he was repeatedly lunging at the door was to go outside and scream at the dog to leave. Then he started coming back, wagging his tail like I was going to play (because he's so sweet and playful). I had to be super stern and glare and tell him to go away and not come back. After a minute he realized I was serious and I didn't want him there, and his poor little face fell, and he put his tail between his legs and slowly walked off. Got to the end of the driveway and looked back all mournfully. I wanted to go tell him he's sweet and it's not his fault and if I didn't have kitties I'd let him in and we could hang out and have sleepovers and play, but I couldn't because then he'd think it was okay to stay. So I glared at him some more and he slinked off all sad. Why do I have to be mean to this dog and make myself and the dog feel bad? His owner should fucking keep an eye on his dog!
Earlier today the dog kept going back and forth between all the doors. Then he came up the front outside stairs to the front door and just stood guard there for like a half hour. I had to lock my cats in the other room which I shouldn't have to do in THEIR OWN HOUSE!
The damn owners never come get their dogs, even when they're barking, and so I still don't know which house they live in or who their owner is. Whenever I finally see them I'm going to have a few words to say. Like, get ahold of your dog because he's damaging my front door and I'm scared he's going to break in and attack my cats!
Worst thing is that the only way I could make the dog leave earlier when he was repeatedly lunging at the door was to go outside and scream at the dog to leave. Then he started coming back, wagging his tail like I was going to play (because he's so sweet and playful). I had to be super stern and glare and tell him to go away and not come back. After a minute he realized I was serious and I didn't want him there, and his poor little face fell, and he put his tail between his legs and slowly walked off. Got to the end of the driveway and looked back all mournfully. I wanted to go tell him he's sweet and it's not his fault and if I didn't have kitties I'd let him in and we could hang out and have sleepovers and play, but I couldn't because then he'd think it was okay to stay. So I glared at him some more and he slinked off all sad. Why do I have to be mean to this dog and make myself and the dog feel bad? His owner should fucking keep an eye on his dog!
ocean
Bluelight Crew
^aaaaaaw Poor pup.....Poor Xorkoth.
You should follow the dog and find out who the owners are and talk to them......like you said.
They should get a fence or something! Let the dog roam but without disturbing the neighbors!
Poor pup.....Poor Xorkoth.You should follow the dog and find out who the owners are and talk to them......like you said.
They should get a fence or something! Let the dog roam but without disturbing the neighbors!
ocean
Bluelight Crew
MAN- I am having a not so great day..........
That great job I was so excited for......called and cancelled my interview and said they filled the position.I NEEDED this job. There are over 9900 people without jobs in my county.......thats alot of competition for jobs.....and there are no jobs anywhere.......
I was trying to have an upbeat day b/c its the 5th anniversary of one of my best friends death.......
My Dr.'s office is fucking me with my medication- I've been out for 2 days now- Its DIABETES medication!!!!!!!!! COME ON!
My glucose meter is out of batteries so I can't check it but I just know my levels are all kinds of haywire- all b/c this stupid dr's office can't get their shit straight! I have been waiting sine the 6th!!!!!!!!!!!
UGH- oh yeah- and I am pmsing hahah can you tell??
That great job I was so excited for......called and cancelled my interview and said they filled the position.I NEEDED this job. There are over 9900 people without jobs in my county.......thats alot of competition for jobs.....and there are no jobs anywhere.......
I was trying to have an upbeat day b/c its the 5th anniversary of one of my best friends death.......
My Dr.'s office is fucking me with my medication- I've been out for 2 days now- Its DIABETES medication!!!!!!!!! COME ON!
My glucose meter is out of batteries so I can't check it but I just know my levels are all kinds of haywire- all b/c this stupid dr's office can't get their shit straight! I have been waiting sine the 6th!!!!!!!!!!!
UGH- oh yeah- and I am pmsing
hahah can you tell??sunflash876
Bluelighter
I hate the fact that I drink to drink or do drugs to be happy, i hate writing people poetry - it bothers me - I can't stand it when people fake things, it seems I can see through it and it sickens me. I might actually love someone, although it'll probably kill me...I'd probably die for her though, not having a job sucks most though, I have too much time to think and be sad.
KittyLazarus
Bluelighter
i hate my inconsiderate little sister/daughter (mom ran off). i'm starting to feel even crappier than i usually do because i can't help but feel that the way she acts is my fault....... but i don't know what the hell to do!!!
um, are you me??
KittyLazarus
Bluelighter
^
many people here feel the same sunflash & beckylee!!!!
many people here feel the same sunflash & beckylee!!!!
Lysis
Bluelighter
My bitch for today: stress, more stress, and even more stress between school, finances, and my so-called job. LOL
Respectable junkie
Bluelighter
I lost my job coz of facebook,the fact my boss was a Wanker didn't help. My rent is due,my bank account is overdrawn,i have a 3grand credit card bill,i dunno where im next gonna have some money,the money i did have Ive wasted on drugs.....
I have had notice pay from my ex employer,should i still get back the week i worked "in hand" when i started the job?
I have had notice pay from my ex employer,should i still get back the week i worked "in hand" when i started the job?
footscrazy
Bluelight Crew
^^ Oh No!! Facebook can be bad like that. I remember one time I called up 'sick' (and got fired like 1 hour later when my boss called the hospital to see if I was there!) but my friends had written messages all over my wall like 'Oh you were def sick tonight wink wink nudge nudge' which really didn't help the situation. One of the negatives about having your boss and workmates as friends on facebook!
KittyLazarus
Bluelighter
i hate ignorant bosses who judge their employees on the things they do when they AREN'T working.
and with everything just plastered all over youtube/myspace/facebook i feel like i gotta make sure i'm not being my usual complete jack-assed self!
whateva! i do what i want!
(prolly why i've been fired more times than i'd like to admit)
and with everything just plastered all over youtube/myspace/facebook i feel like i gotta make sure i'm not being my usual complete jack-assed self!
whateva! i do what i want!
(prolly why i've been fired more times than i'd like to admit)
ocean
Bluelight Crew
^Not work related but this reminded me........
I am now letting go of all hope my Grandma will consider me a good girl.
She has joined facebook and sent me a friend request.
You can't deny your grandma!!!!!
I don't ever say anything bad really but.........
I'm sort of different when I talk to my grandmother than someone my age
I have my cousin to thank for passing my page onto her...........nice.
I am now letting go of all hope my Grandma will consider me a good girl.
She has joined facebook and sent me a friend request.
You can't deny your grandma!!!!!
I don't ever say anything bad really but.........
I'm sort of different when I talk to my grandmother than someone my age
I have my cousin to thank for passing my page onto her...........nice.
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