Greetings to all. I'll post feedback to your stuff as soon as I am able to give it adequate attention. Meanwhile, here's a poem I wrote today. Not sure how many parts I'll end up doing. CD is the poet Carl Dennis, if anyone cares.
Variations on the Contemporary Poem, Part 1.
For CD
You might be more astonished by the afterimage
Of George finishing his memoirs in the next room,
The nation he couldn't save by himself when he was alive
Now newsprint, more Hollywood than the corpse of Monroe.
The exit to heaven might be barred with flaming swords,
But you won't be served grilled cheese on your daily bread,
That would only send Satan into paroxysms of envy.
Even if you can't accept such a miracle, be fortified.
And when dessert is served, the fat man
Keeps an eye on your waistline as a measure of his.
But after the heat of August and its depressing spell on everybody,
Don't be alarmed to feel your fingers entwined in prayer.
Variations on the Contemporary Poem, Part 1.
For CD
You might be more astonished by the afterimage
Of George finishing his memoirs in the next room,
The nation he couldn't save by himself when he was alive
Now newsprint, more Hollywood than the corpse of Monroe.
The exit to heaven might be barred with flaming swords,
But you won't be served grilled cheese on your daily bread,
That would only send Satan into paroxysms of envy.
Even if you can't accept such a miracle, be fortified.
And when dessert is served, the fat man
Keeps an eye on your waistline as a measure of his.
But after the heat of August and its depressing spell on everybody,
Don't be alarmed to feel your fingers entwined in prayer.
I question some of your diction in terms of how your lines scan, but all in all it's a very tight piece, and I'm curious to read more of your work.