cj
Bluelight Crew
Jj was my oldest friend. No matter how much time and distance passed between us our reunions never felt awkward. I used him as an anchor to my past as i lurched forward toward becoming an Andrew who's skin i felt at home in. I can not believe your gone at 34. A car accident. My anchor cut. Fuck.
Death. I think its the suddeness of the vanishing act that really trips me out. Over. Done. Gone. Three days later a viewing then the next morning grave side service followed by lunch then most everyone forgets you existed. 5 msybe 10 people at most are left standing around dazed but thats it really. Final. Check the box score err i mean facebook tribute page for the final thoughts.
No more memories to be made. Im just left wondering wtf happened. 70 mph into a tree on a 4 lane interstate at noon with no brake marks no slide and very little deceleration. Like i can only draw the obvious conclusion which is you did that shit on purpose. Why? You could of called me. I mean fuck i could have helped. You always saved my ass i wish you wpuld havr let me try.
Honestly i wasnt shocked i thought you sounded down when we talked the last few times. You seemed to be stuck in the gravity well of the black hole of "adult respondibility". Our family has a toxic set of expectations that they managed to trick you into believing. That vanilla is the only flavor adults eat as if a paint by numbers is on the same level as a bansky.
Lies. destructive Lies. You where always the perfect one. You where praised for embracing vanilla as the only flavor. You bought into the hype of a middle class existence as if hell wasnt the only outcome. You played by the rules. You graduated college. Got a job. Bought a house. Married a vanilla girl who gave you a kid. Never even considering that vanilla is a lie. Happiness was not around the next corner. Until i guess one day you had that awful realization. Trapped. Andrew wasnt a liar. They lied. Now jj you cant be andrew but you sure as fuck were not vanilla at heart. You repressed that "irresponsible indulgence of youth". Deeper into the desolate tastless world of work and mortages and weekends. Hell.
So you lost. You traded your youth for stability but ended up dead in your used car. Like i told you differed pleasure is life wasted. I guess you got screwed. Sorry bro
Death. I think its the suddeness of the vanishing act that really trips me out. Over. Done. Gone. Three days later a viewing then the next morning grave side service followed by lunch then most everyone forgets you existed. 5 msybe 10 people at most are left standing around dazed but thats it really. Final. Check the box score err i mean facebook tribute page for the final thoughts.
No more memories to be made. Im just left wondering wtf happened. 70 mph into a tree on a 4 lane interstate at noon with no brake marks no slide and very little deceleration. Like i can only draw the obvious conclusion which is you did that shit on purpose. Why? You could of called me. I mean fuck i could have helped. You always saved my ass i wish you wpuld havr let me try.
Honestly i wasnt shocked i thought you sounded down when we talked the last few times. You seemed to be stuck in the gravity well of the black hole of "adult respondibility". Our family has a toxic set of expectations that they managed to trick you into believing. That vanilla is the only flavor adults eat as if a paint by numbers is on the same level as a bansky.
Lies. destructive Lies. You where always the perfect one. You where praised for embracing vanilla as the only flavor. You bought into the hype of a middle class existence as if hell wasnt the only outcome. You played by the rules. You graduated college. Got a job. Bought a house. Married a vanilla girl who gave you a kid. Never even considering that vanilla is a lie. Happiness was not around the next corner. Until i guess one day you had that awful realization. Trapped. Andrew wasnt a liar. They lied. Now jj you cant be andrew but you sure as fuck were not vanilla at heart. You repressed that "irresponsible indulgence of youth". Deeper into the desolate tastless world of work and mortages and weekends. Hell.
So you lost. You traded your youth for stability but ended up dead in your used car. Like i told you differed pleasure is life wasted. I guess you got screwed. Sorry bro
