Value of four pronged approach

[helpingout]

Went to NA today. People kind of actually give a dhit and want to help. Kind of cool to expand my support network. I don’t want too much on anyone person. So NA got me with some new people. Shared about my ODs. Just wanted to take a and end up kinda feeling heard in a way. Not just existing but being a social human. Still kinda hate myself. But at least I’m trying to do this. Prong one

Prong two. Going to a smart recovery meeting tonight. Gonna try to get some more out of that. I like smart a lot. And now I don’t feel so bad about being there cause I’m not doing coke and amphetamine to ease my kick. I’m more sober nowadays and it’ll be easier to be there. Even though they’re very understanding I hated feeling my impact on the group conscience.

Prong three. Getting into therapy. On a wait less at the moment. DGAF. Just get me in when you can. I can wait bro. Spent hundreds of hours waiting on dealers. Maybe thousands. I can wait for a therapist.

Prong four. Be willing to grow change and learn. Even if it all feels like bad acid. Life I mean. Life is like bad acid. I hate being alive and maybe that’s part of the growth and change and learning that might occur while I’m healthy.

So I’m down to 2 4mg immodium mostly for comfort. Taking some mgabapentin for cravings. ADHD meds. Fucking doing my best. I’m fucking doing this. I can beat my brain. I can destroy myself. I can try what it’s like to be healthy. I want to feel what it is to be my self without the influence of any chemicals that aren’t part of my mental health regimen.

Moving to the north to live with my brother. If I’m still on drugs I’m not going. I’ll go be homeless. I’m not going to fuck his life up. I do not give a fucn. I’m tired of hurting the people I love. I’m sick of my drug addict dependent decisions. I want to fucking live.

 

[Mobin]

I always tell people to prioritize systems over goals.

 

[helpingout]

I always tell people to prioritize systems over goals.

Meaning work the programs don’t just get clean?

 

[paltatomate]

Do whatever you feel helps you get where you want to be.
Clean, healthy, alive next to your brother.

 

[Mobin]

Meaning work the programs don’t just get clean?

Just meaning the system to get to the goal is what matters. Most people just hold a goal in their head and don't care about a working system. I'm sure the programs help but I'd keep tons of records on exercise and diet stuff and sleep patterns for example.

 

[helpingout]

Just meaning the system to get to the goal is what matters. Most people just hold a goal in their head and don't care about a working system. I'm sure the programs help but I'd keep tons of records on exercise and diet stuff and sleep patterns for example.

Thank you. Todays my first day off everything but comfort meds. It’s been a long two years. I’m so tired of kicking. I’ll keep a little journal of that stuff. Last night I got a solid 12 hours of sleep. I’m still wicked tired. Saddest little baby in the room