I am prescribed 40-80mg (brand, as the generic diazepam doesn't do anything) Valium daily, and I've been doing this for years.
Now, my questions is, coming off, how hellish is it going to be? I just took 170mg right now since I've been off of it for about three days, throwing up, diarrhea, constipation and the like. I have IBS and celiac disease, so this isn't helping. Already 20 minutes into the 170mg dosage I feel significantly better. No nausea (though the weed might be helping with that) and my headaches are gone (which could also be the weed).
I've gone through benzo withdrawal before (Klonopin and Xanax daily. 1mg QID Klonopin daily, and a Xanax bar PRN for breakthrough anxiety. I was taking at least 3 a day, along with my klonopin, withdrawal from Zyprexa, Clozaril, and opiates. Quit cold turkey due to a crazy doctor. It was HELL. I had to go to the ER about six times to be mainlined to 6mg Ativan (which really didn't do much but stop the headache... ativan is useless to me).
But now I'm on a much larger benzo regimen. I have dystonia in my left leg and I need the muscle relaxing properties of Valium, as well as the anxiolytic effects (I'm a psychotic depressive. I hallucinate and hear voices, depressing voices. I don't know for sure if I'm schizophrenic, but I DO have autism). I am not on an AP because of the dystonia and myoclonus that I got from Latuda. I've tried every AP except Fanapt and Geodon (can't take Geodon because I can't eat 500 calories twice a day) and I haven't taken Fanapt because my psychiatrist wants to hold off until the dystonia and myoclonus wears off, plus she trusts me and understands that I have a good head on my shoulders and won't do anything stupid.
But what I'm asking is WTF I should do? I don't want to go through benzo withdrawal again, and I'm taking a lot of it. I don't always take it daily, but when I do take it, I always take more than 100mg, because anything lower doesn't affect me. Xanax does, but it doesn't have long enough of a half life and I don't know about its muscle relaxing tendencies. I'm about to try and get temazepam again for sleep, but that's just adding more benzos. I'm at such a loss.
I really don't know what do to and I need help.
Here are my conditions:
-CHRONIC pain in my left arm (due to a break when I was 5 years old; I'm 23 now. It has never fully healed) and left leg (due to dystonia).
-Left arm has zero supination
-IBS
-Celiac disease
-Autism (high funtioning)
-Schizophrenic/Psychotic depression (I have MDD as well as schizophrenia if it IS schizophrenia, but currently it's officially diagnosed as schizophrenia and MDD).
-Severe anxiety and panic
-Anhedonia
-Agoraphobia
-Crippled, confined to using a cane and I can't walk more than half a mile without having to stop for a good twenty minutes
Now, about the Latuda, I have been off of it for almost a year, yet the dystonia and myoclonus are still there, hence tardive, meaning they may last forever. This is disheartening. Taking 80mg (or more) of valium at night helps with the restless legs and constant twisting and turning falling to sleep, but I have to vape at least 2g, and then smoke the AVB immediately after to even begin to fall asleep for about an hour or two. I am not a drug addict, I just have severe mental and physical ailments that require drugs.
Chronic pain being my main concern. There is no quality of life whatsoever.
What can I do, guys? My doctors will not cooperate. They won't prescribe pain medication, they won't get to the bottom of it because "they have no idea what's wrong," thus they automatically assume I'm looking for pain meds, when all I want is help. I want to feel normal.
I see my doctor on the 30th. What do I say? What do I tell him? I'm not trying to get opiates as a means to get high. I really need to get this pain under control. I have a surgery planned for my arm, but that won't be for at least six months, and I don't know if I can last six months. I'm constantly in agony, even crying, from the pain.
Do any of you suffer from something like this? What do you do? My marijuana tolerance is too high. I have to get "high" for it to help with anything other than headaches, and I can't. I need to take a tolerance break, which I can't do. I can't sleep without it and the pain is unbearable. I have no Roxicodone left from getting my Wisdom teeth out, so I'm shit out of luck. Sigh. ):
Sorry for the long post, I'm just at a total loss. I'm also sorry if this seems very unintelligible. I'm very delirious right now from the pain. Any and all comments and suggestions will be taken into consideration, even moving onto illicit drugs (be it from the deep web or the streets). I will find my own stuff. Just tell me example of ways to go about doing it, if that's allowed. I'm definitely a goody-goody Italian-American white boy.
Thanks, guys. My last thread bombed, but I hope this one is up to par with your standards.
I also want to make it very clear that I am not drug seeking. I want help, and you guys know better than anyone else. I don't know who else to turn to. I can't rely on my doctors, as they are unreliable. I just wish I could bring more information to them... suggestions maybe... I've had cortisone shots, three, in my left elbow. Nothing. No more shots as it's bad and not helping, as per doctor's orders (and the fact that it's bad for your joints).
I'm sorry this post is so long, I just don't know what to do. I have so much I need to say, and I don't think that I said even close to enough. Sigh. I just feel like I am literally dying. My life force seems to be draining every day. I need a pick me up. Amphetamines are a no-go, as I prefer relaxation and I HATE being wired, hence my love for marijuana and benzos.
Again, sorry for the length. I hope I can get some help from you guys. Thanks a lot. No hard feelings from the last post, just know that I wasn't trolling and I was legitimately trying to get help. I'm desperate beyond belief.
Thank you, guys. Excuse the unintelligible rambling. If you have questions, feel free to ask. Don't hesitate. I will appreciate any and all help, negative or positive. Thank you, guys.
Now, my questions is, coming off, how hellish is it going to be? I just took 170mg right now since I've been off of it for about three days, throwing up, diarrhea, constipation and the like. I have IBS and celiac disease, so this isn't helping. Already 20 minutes into the 170mg dosage I feel significantly better. No nausea (though the weed might be helping with that) and my headaches are gone (which could also be the weed).
I've gone through benzo withdrawal before (Klonopin and Xanax daily. 1mg QID Klonopin daily, and a Xanax bar PRN for breakthrough anxiety. I was taking at least 3 a day, along with my klonopin, withdrawal from Zyprexa, Clozaril, and opiates. Quit cold turkey due to a crazy doctor. It was HELL. I had to go to the ER about six times to be mainlined to 6mg Ativan (which really didn't do much but stop the headache... ativan is useless to me).
But now I'm on a much larger benzo regimen. I have dystonia in my left leg and I need the muscle relaxing properties of Valium, as well as the anxiolytic effects (I'm a psychotic depressive. I hallucinate and hear voices, depressing voices. I don't know for sure if I'm schizophrenic, but I DO have autism). I am not on an AP because of the dystonia and myoclonus that I got from Latuda. I've tried every AP except Fanapt and Geodon (can't take Geodon because I can't eat 500 calories twice a day) and I haven't taken Fanapt because my psychiatrist wants to hold off until the dystonia and myoclonus wears off, plus she trusts me and understands that I have a good head on my shoulders and won't do anything stupid.
But what I'm asking is WTF I should do? I don't want to go through benzo withdrawal again, and I'm taking a lot of it. I don't always take it daily, but when I do take it, I always take more than 100mg, because anything lower doesn't affect me. Xanax does, but it doesn't have long enough of a half life and I don't know about its muscle relaxing tendencies. I'm about to try and get temazepam again for sleep, but that's just adding more benzos. I'm at such a loss.
I really don't know what do to and I need help.
Here are my conditions:
-CHRONIC pain in my left arm (due to a break when I was 5 years old; I'm 23 now. It has never fully healed) and left leg (due to dystonia).
-Left arm has zero supination
-IBS
-Celiac disease
-Autism (high funtioning)
-Schizophrenic/Psychotic depression (I have MDD as well as schizophrenia if it IS schizophrenia, but currently it's officially diagnosed as schizophrenia and MDD).
-Severe anxiety and panic
-Anhedonia
-Agoraphobia
-Crippled, confined to using a cane and I can't walk more than half a mile without having to stop for a good twenty minutes
Now, about the Latuda, I have been off of it for almost a year, yet the dystonia and myoclonus are still there, hence tardive, meaning they may last forever. This is disheartening. Taking 80mg (or more) of valium at night helps with the restless legs and constant twisting and turning falling to sleep, but I have to vape at least 2g, and then smoke the AVB immediately after to even begin to fall asleep for about an hour or two. I am not a drug addict, I just have severe mental and physical ailments that require drugs.
Chronic pain being my main concern. There is no quality of life whatsoever.
What can I do, guys? My doctors will not cooperate. They won't prescribe pain medication, they won't get to the bottom of it because "they have no idea what's wrong," thus they automatically assume I'm looking for pain meds, when all I want is help. I want to feel normal.
I see my doctor on the 30th. What do I say? What do I tell him? I'm not trying to get opiates as a means to get high. I really need to get this pain under control. I have a surgery planned for my arm, but that won't be for at least six months, and I don't know if I can last six months. I'm constantly in agony, even crying, from the pain.
Do any of you suffer from something like this? What do you do? My marijuana tolerance is too high. I have to get "high" for it to help with anything other than headaches, and I can't. I need to take a tolerance break, which I can't do. I can't sleep without it and the pain is unbearable. I have no Roxicodone left from getting my Wisdom teeth out, so I'm shit out of luck. Sigh. ):
Sorry for the long post, I'm just at a total loss. I'm also sorry if this seems very unintelligible. I'm very delirious right now from the pain. Any and all comments and suggestions will be taken into consideration, even moving onto illicit drugs (be it from the deep web or the streets). I will find my own stuff. Just tell me example of ways to go about doing it, if that's allowed. I'm definitely a goody-goody Italian-American white boy.
Thanks, guys. My last thread bombed, but I hope this one is up to par with your standards.
I also want to make it very clear that I am not drug seeking. I want help, and you guys know better than anyone else. I don't know who else to turn to. I can't rely on my doctors, as they are unreliable. I just wish I could bring more information to them... suggestions maybe... I've had cortisone shots, three, in my left elbow. Nothing. No more shots as it's bad and not helping, as per doctor's orders (and the fact that it's bad for your joints).
I'm sorry this post is so long, I just don't know what to do. I have so much I need to say, and I don't think that I said even close to enough. Sigh. I just feel like I am literally dying. My life force seems to be draining every day. I need a pick me up. Amphetamines are a no-go, as I prefer relaxation and I HATE being wired, hence my love for marijuana and benzos.
Again, sorry for the length. I hope I can get some help from you guys. Thanks a lot. No hard feelings from the last post, just know that I wasn't trolling and I was legitimately trying to get help. I'm desperate beyond belief.
Thank you, guys. Excuse the unintelligible rambling. If you have questions, feel free to ask. Don't hesitate. I will appreciate any and all help, negative or positive. Thank you, guys.
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