Vagrancy

I guess I'm starting to actually feel the fact that I have nowhere to call "home", no citizenship that I feel happy to handle. I was born in a racist host country to which I feel absolutely no affinity, and then grew up in a slightly less racist host country to which I only have a passing affiliation. The country that once was, in which my family's bloodline felt home, no longer is. There is no place in which I feel an affiliation to the earth, and nowhere to "return" to if I ever felt the need to go back home...

Although it is not a huge deal, I cannot help but feel that an integral piece of human experience is missing from me.

 

<hug>

There are two sides to this though: the deeper your roots are the more you're tied to one place. Having a homeland can really tie you down. You're a citizen of the World! While that sounds kind of hollow, it's something really quite remarkable. Not 50 years ago the concept would have been unthinkable, yet now it is if not commonplace, then at least not uncommon.

Sounds like you're ready to move on though. Find somewhere new.

 

I have spent all but maybe 2 1/2 of my 41yrs in the same "community". There is still a lot of feelings of anomie and disconnection even when you are in one place and have long roots. I admit I don't know the feeling of having a missing ancestral culture. Perhaps you have a spiritual vocation that has a prerequisite of being a man without a country.

 

I can kind of relate to how you feel. I was born and lived in Colorado until I was 11 and then my family uprooted and moved to a small ass town in rural Wisconsin.

My parents moved to Iowa shortly after I graduated high school. I've only been to their house 2 times in the last 10 years. I stayed there a couple years and then moved to a bigger city in Wisconsin, where I'm living now.

When people ask where home is I never know how to answer. My dad calls Iowa my home and will ask "When are you coming home?" My friends do the same thing for the town where I graduated from. I still think of Colorado in a way as being home because I think I was happiest there.

It's weird how I think of every place I've lived (and even not lived) as being home except the city I currently live in. Hmmm...maybe that means I should move lol.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Take care, Yaz.

 

I have had so many addresses in eight years.

Same question too. I think the answer is keep going until it shows up, but don't do it too fast or it will never have a chance to. A home, that is.

I'm drunk as fuck

 

so jam, which were these racist host country that you previously drifted through in your younger years / early adulthood ?

 

I was referring to Jordan. My parents (palestinian) and young me migrated to Canada in hopes of leading a less racist life, which sort of happened, but discrimination is still there.

 

being caught in between two worlds is not a comfortable feeling