It's a terrible day and I haven't even got to midday yet...
I rode a bus for 40 minutes to get to my new university for the first lessons. I wanted to start IT there because there's no job for chemists (and even if there is, M.Sc. in chemistry earns not much more than a minimum wage which is 1,500 PLN, this is gross income, not counting any taxes). I know there's a need for IT specialists in England from countries from which there are a lot of immigrants. That means Poland is one of these countries.
However, as I arrived at the university I saw that almost all people already have student record books which seemed weird to me. Well, to cut the crap... It turned out that not enough people had come for IT starting in summer semester (only 9 people). And thus the university decided to merge this group of 9 people with the already existing 1st year that started in October '11. This means I'm behind and I have 1 year to catch up and pass all exams from the semester I "missed". Too bad nobody informed me on Saturday that this is what happens and I'm pretty sure they knew by that time they wouldn't start a fresh year but merge it with the already existing year.
I would have to pass exams in Mathematical Analysis, Physics, Ethics, Basics of Programming, and English (the only thing presenting no problems) + ongoing subjects. That's too much for me. I used to be a very smart and catchy student, I loved maths, it was like I could see both in algebra and geometry things others couldn't so fast I could solve any problem. But I've lost this at some point during my benzodiazepine addiction.
So I'm lost generally in all fields of life. It's hard to get a legal job in the UK in low paying market segments and to get a high paying legal one must have proper papers. Also, women don't fall for guys who have no future because they don't have a degree and thus they can't find a good paying job. I don't really know what to do. Loneliness has been killing me for a long time now. I didn't have success in finding any job last time I was in England. Sure it wasn't the best moment because it was in December but with my education and job experience (legal - none) frankly I don't think it's going to be better if I show up in May in London.
I guess it'd be best if I got anything strong and shot up for the last time saving my mum problems with helping me with money all the time and I would put an end to my suffering finally. I'm a wreck mentally. I tried to taper down clonazepam from 6mg to 4mg. No, I have had to take more today again, damn it. It's all useless. I'm useless.
I rode a bus for 40 minutes to get to my new university for the first lessons. I wanted to start IT there because there's no job for chemists (and even if there is, M.Sc. in chemistry earns not much more than a minimum wage which is 1,500 PLN, this is gross income, not counting any taxes). I know there's a need for IT specialists in England from countries from which there are a lot of immigrants. That means Poland is one of these countries.
However, as I arrived at the university I saw that almost all people already have student record books which seemed weird to me. Well, to cut the crap... It turned out that not enough people had come for IT starting in summer semester (only 9 people). And thus the university decided to merge this group of 9 people with the already existing 1st year that started in October '11. This means I'm behind and I have 1 year to catch up and pass all exams from the semester I "missed". Too bad nobody informed me on Saturday that this is what happens and I'm pretty sure they knew by that time they wouldn't start a fresh year but merge it with the already existing year.
I would have to pass exams in Mathematical Analysis, Physics, Ethics, Basics of Programming, and English (the only thing presenting no problems) + ongoing subjects. That's too much for me. I used to be a very smart and catchy student, I loved maths, it was like I could see both in algebra and geometry things others couldn't so fast I could solve any problem. But I've lost this at some point during my benzodiazepine addiction.
So I'm lost generally in all fields of life. It's hard to get a legal job in the UK in low paying market segments and to get a high paying legal one must have proper papers. Also, women don't fall for guys who have no future because they don't have a degree and thus they can't find a good paying job. I don't really know what to do. Loneliness has been killing me for a long time now. I didn't have success in finding any job last time I was in England. Sure it wasn't the best moment because it was in December but with my education and job experience (legal - none) frankly I don't think it's going to be better if I show up in May in London.
I guess it'd be best if I got anything strong and shot up for the last time saving my mum problems with helping me with money all the time and I would put an end to my suffering finally. I'm a wreck mentally. I tried to taper down clonazepam from 6mg to 4mg. No, I have had to take more today again, damn it. It's all useless. I'm useless.
