Urges

Maybe it's just because of the weather, being alone in the house or that i'm outa smokes. But i'm having a hell of a time not calling back the old friends I know that wanna go to the city and not picking up my razor.
I know I should be calling people in NA but they are the last people I wanna talk to right now, not because I don't think they won't understand I'm just not in the mood to hear it right now.
My mind set is I wanna do what I wanna do and fuck it.
Granted I'm not gonna follow through, not right now at least. But the damn the thoughts are there.

 

You know as well as I do that its gonna take a bit for these urges and cravings to go away. Its only been 83 days. Yes, a long time in junky terms but a short time in recovery.

At this point we still only really know the old lifestyle. This new one is showing hints of promise but the rest hasn't been revealed yet. Being patient sucks but I believe it when they say 'it gets greater later'. Yeah, kinda cheesy but I DO believe that it will happen. Its just a drag that it isn't happening right NOW.

You have a fuckin' ARMY of people willing to help you through this. All of them have been in the same spot as you and I.

For me, I'm mourning the fact that 'one last time' is a myth and a lie. Kinda hard to accept but the reality of it is staring me in the face.%)%)