Ups and downs, drug use, I feel like I'm going insane

[starlett7]

So I posed here a few weeks ago about a breakup with my boyfriend. Since then things slowly started to turn around, I started going to the gym with one of my friends at his buddies apartment and I kindof started developing feelings for this guy who's place we would chill at.
I started hanging out with him one on one and we always had a good time and one weekend we went out together, I popped and got really fucked up, it wasn't like any m I've done before it almost seemed like I was seeing things moving like when you do mushrooms and I was confused half the time. That night we hooked up and I regret it because I wanted to hold out until we were better friends but the drugs just made me not care about the consiquences.
He said we would keep doing that and just be chill about it n whatever but after that day every time he wouldn't text back or answer my calls or if I didn't hear from him for a while I would feel like I was going insane, I'd have horrible anxiety and waves of depression and wondering if everything he told me was bs or maybe he's seeing other girls too or I'd worry that I'd seem clingy even though I tried not to bother him too much. I know a lot of this probably had to do with the after effects if the m and after all my freaking out we would make plans to hang out and we'd have a really good time and things felt great then again the next day he would be busy and I'd get anxiety all over again.
He's usually busy most of the day but I can't get over feeling too attached and freaking out every time I don't hear from him. It's gotten to the point where I rely on valium or k to manage and even then I feel like shit. I started slacking in school, calling in sick to work, i feel like my life is just spiralling into a bunch of bs and the fact that he has drugs at his house all the time means we always do k and get drunk and that probably doesnt help me at all.

I literally feel like all the improvement I've made at school and work is going down the drain because of this guy. I rely too much on guys for happiness and he's a really bad choice for that but I don't know how to stop being like this. I've lost 10lbs in the last week and a half and I just can't stand feeling like this anymore.

I'm sorry for the long, rambling post, I'm not completely sober right now.

 

[villian]

I rely too much on guys for happiness and he's a really bad choice for that but I don't know how to stop being like this. I've lost 10lbs in the last week and a half and I just can't stand feeling like this anymore.

That is the point I was going to make.. I think your goal should be to find happiness within yourself rather than attempting to find it in other people, especially so soon after your break-up. Relationships can be good, but it is important to be comfortable with yourself as well.

Continue to focus on how you are doing at school, in the gym, and at work. If a relationship is making you feel the need to medicate with K and benzos and booze just to get by it is *not* good for you. Losing 10 pounds is 10 days is pretty serious.. right now I think you should focus on getting off the drugs, or at least cutting your intake -- as well as eating healthy and working out. The anxiety/depression you are feeling could be in part due to your physical health.

Best of luck

 

[starlett7]

It's really hard though, I don't know how to distract myself enough to not think about him and not feel depressed. no matter what I do, inside I feel this anxiety that makes me feel sick all day...

 

[RedLeader]

He said we would keep doing that and just be chill about it n whatever but after that day every time he wouldn't text back or answer my calls

He's usually busy most of the day

I doubt it's much more complicated than this. Some guys, myself included, get just as much, if not more, anxiety from texts/calls than lack there-of. It does not mean that we don't like the girl; we just don't like phones that much.