I'm no longer ruled by thoughts of using. Being trapped in the cycle of using and finding ways and means to get more, has passed. Reading my previous journal entry reminds me of how long i spent running from myself, using drugs as a means to alter my reality and make it seem more managable. In truth though my life was completely unmanageable, I was failing my course, hanging out with people who just wanted someone to get wasted with, neglecting my girlfriend and isolating, rarely leaving my room and buying into the self defeating bullshit going through my head.
I'm constantly reminded of the consequences of my using. I developed epilepsy after having a grand mal seizure due to outright stopping a huge benzo habit with no taper. I found myself £3.000 in debt with most of it spent on drugs. I hurt my family after ending up in hospital on several occasions. I also hurt myself mentally and emotionally. I was often depressed and suicidal because i didn't know how to be happy without drugs.
Now things are back on track, going back to college soon to learn a trade. I have friends i can actually talk to about feelings and what's really going on. Most importantly, my family are learning to trust me again and we're rebuilding bridges. I feel happier but i still struggle with anxiety but that's something i'm working on with the help of CBT.
Onwards and upwards!
I'm constantly reminded of the consequences of my using. I developed epilepsy after having a grand mal seizure due to outright stopping a huge benzo habit with no taper. I found myself £3.000 in debt with most of it spent on drugs. I hurt my family after ending up in hospital on several occasions. I also hurt myself mentally and emotionally. I was often depressed and suicidal because i didn't know how to be happy without drugs.
Now things are back on track, going back to college soon to learn a trade. I have friends i can actually talk to about feelings and what's really going on. Most importantly, my family are learning to trust me again and we're rebuilding bridges. I feel happier but i still struggle with anxiety but that's something i'm working on with the help of CBT.
Onwards and upwards!