(Update 4/26) Would Like Assessment of My Weekly Drug Abuse Profile

[agoraphobe]

I'm trying to ascertain where I'm at in my current drug abuse spiral. This started about 8-10 months ago with gabapentin.

I now take one kind or other CNS depressant daily.

Monday 2 mg ativan 300 mg gabapentin, Tuesday 1500 mg Phenibut, Wednesday 5 grams Kratom, Thursday 1000 mg gabapentin, Friday 2 mg Ativan 300 mg gabapentin, Saturday 5 grams Kratom and Sunday 1000 mg gabapentin. THC with CBN pen few times a day, but daily.

How long can this last? The doses have been maintained for about 3 months now. Prognosis and how much damage am I doing to my body and brain? Thank you.

 

[neversickanymore]

Looks like your main issue is gaba related… consider dropping the kratom.. are you drinking?

Anxiety.. sleep issues? Share what you want.

 

[agoraphobe]

Looks like your main issue is gaba related… consider dropping the kratom.. are you drinking?

Anxiety.. sleep issues? Share what you want.

Zero alcohol.

I have panic disorder with agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, mild OCD and depression.

Suffered child abuse. In my 30's now.

I will consider dropping the Kratom but not sure how successful I'll be considering it's one of the few things I look forward to.

Lately I've been worried about giving myself seizures, kidney damage or catatonia from my weekly drug load. I felt very off today. I suddenly had an internal realization that I'm deep in abuse. Or at least I think so

But thank you, basically looking for an assessment of how harmful my current drug load is.

 

[Jnowhere]

Actually, on here that would be breakfast.
The issue I see here is I was on Ativan for a long time( 3 x 2mg for ~6 years then I wanted a weaker benzo). Valium. For some reason doctors don't like prescibing it.

Careful with the Ativan( lorazepam). However if used properly then it is not an issue. Unless you start using it daily. Especially if it used multiple times a day for weeks; then physical dependence can develop.

Neversick anymore is right.

The meds you use sound like, you are being careful. Legit anxiety, ect....I know it well.

My real concern is that you will increase your use a lot.

Honestly, it is refreshing to read about someone who uses very small amounts of basically medications.

If you have a doctor, and they withdrawal blood; they would know then, probably.

The phenibut is nasty from what I read. The gabapentin, I am on it also, I was on Ativan and now Valium( it is weaker but works great). Gaba drugs can be an issue if abused.

Has there been any problems in your life because of this? Or is it more of an existential fear; of ending up dead or in the gutter?

Basically you are having anxiety about the meds you take for anxiety. Am I right?

A spiral; ah not even close. Sorry, but you seem responsible and are aware of the potential dangers.

Use and abuse are two different things.

Ask yourself this; are these drugs for legitimate purposes( other than making the cartoon network seem fascinating)?

You seem to be careful. Have these meds helped or hurt you?

Is there a moral or a religious based concern or is just your fear of pharmacological slavery( addiction and destruction)?

 

[neversickanymore]

Deep in abuse does not usually mean your in physical harm especially since your not using chemicals that likely cause physical deterioration… also your spreading your Kratom use in a way that likely will not cause physical dependence. You want to stay away from that or you will find increased negative symptoms , it will end up increasing the very symptoms your trying to treat, side effects as we as well as monetary hardships as tolerance works the way it works.. just the way always works.

Don’t get physically dependent on opiates including krotom.. your spacing it really well but it’s still something to pay attention to.

So getting at the root.. which is the key imho..if possible how do you address the issues your using the substances to escape from.

You don’t want to rely on substances that that turn their back on everyone and their symptoms are worse everytime .. they feel like they work.. and they do.. but often in the long run they make things so much worse but appear to make it better.

i know that’s quite the thought and I am certainly no abstinence boy.. but imho you have to figure out how to work through your trauma and issues because medications alone won’t work.

edit: posted after i read the last post.

 

[Jnowhere]

Deep in abuse does not usually mean your in physical harm especially since your not using chemicals that likely cause physical deterioration… also your spreading your Kratom use in a way that likely will not cause physical dependence. You want to stay away from that or you will find increased negative symptoms , it will end up increasing the very symptoms your trying to treat, side effects as we as well as monetary hardships as tolerance works the way it works.. just the way always works.

Don’t get physically dependent on opiates including krotom.. your spacing it really well but it’s still something to pay attention to.

So getting at the root.. which is the key imho..if possible how do you address the issues your using the substances to escape from.

You don’t want to rely on substances that that turn their back on everyone and their symptoms are worse everytime .. they feel like they work.. and they do.. but often in the long run they make things so much worse but appear to make it better.

i know that’s quite the thought and I am certainly no abstinence boy.. but imho you have to figure out how to work through your trauma and issues because medications alone won’t work.

edit: posted after i read the last post.

You are absolutely right about the Kratom. But you don't understand. If he is like me, anxiety, OCD, ect...

Then if he is like me this shit can't be controlled very easily. I was in the 2nd grade when OCD hit me. Luckily, my other anxieties helped curb the symptoms. Besides, anxiety does damage your body itself.

What about the OCD. What about people born with mental diseases? I was not abused or was experiencing any hardship, other than wanting certain toys. ( I was 7 years old).lol

It sounds like anxiety but I could be wrong. But what if it is a real problem and he is dealing with it with meds.

I agree on the Craptom( not a mis.) But is he prescribed these other meds?( besides the phenibut and Kratom)?

 

[neversickanymore]

You are absolutely right about the Kratom. But you don't understand. If he is like me, anxiety, OCD, ect...

Then if he is like me this shit can't be controlled very easily. I was in the 2nd grade when OCD hit me. Luckily, my other anxieties helped curb the symptoms. Besides, anxiety does damage your body itself.

What about the OCD. What about people born with mental diseases? I was not abused or was experiencing any hardship, other than wanting certain toys. ( I was 7 years old).lol

It sounds like anxiety but I could be wrong. But what if it is a real problem and he is dealing with it with meds.

I agree on the Craptom( not an mis.) But is he prescribed these other meds?( besides the phenibut and Kratom)?

calm down on me please Jn i don’t have all the answers.. i know i somehow walked away from from a twenty year social anxiety disorder/panic disorder and a 20 year alprazolam etc. i clearly don’t have even close to all the answers.. just doing what i can and hope i didnt offend you.

 

[Jnowhere]

Bro, I don't get easily offended. I was pointing out that some people can't function with certain issues. Look at the name he used. That explains a lot.

I realize that people abuse drugs meant to help people. I like booze, but Thank ALMIGHTY GOD I am allergic to it now.
Otherwise .

Pills were never an issue for me. I have bunch( legally prescribed) They help, I try not to misuse them.

My point was sometimes people legitimately need legit meds.

I agree on the Kratom. What if someone has schizophrenia? Should they stop taking their meds and become a Scientologist?

 

[neversickanymore]

of course not.. mainly i was referring to gaba’s and opiates..

opiates and gaba’s tend to eventually exacerbate their symptoms to the torment of the patient.. i don’t have any experience or much data on other psych drugs.. thank the lord.. but have no current need or intention of looking to them for treatment.. fortunate that way and i count my blessings.’.

i should hit the sack as i’m required to wake way to early.. so if you respond ill
post tomorrow prob early

 

[washingtonbound]

I'm trying to ascertain where I'm at in my current drug abuse spiral. This started about 8-10 months ago with gabapentin.

I now take one kind or other CNS depressant daily.

Monday 2 mg ativan 300 mg gabapentin, Tuesday 1500 mg Phenibut, Wednesday 5 grams Kratom, Thursday 1000 mg gabapentin, Friday 2 mg Ativan 300 mg gabapentin, Saturday 5 grams Kratom and Sunday 1000 mg gabapentin. THC with CBN pen few times a day, but daily.

How long can this last? The doses have been maintained for about 3 months now. Prognosis and how much damage am I doing to my body and brain? Thank you.

It sounds mainly like anxiety management with Gaba increasing drugs. Withdrawing from those can be very difficult, therefore I would talk to a psychiatrist about doing the minimum for managing symptoms with a tapering plan, possibly look into supplements like Ashwaganda that seem to help some people without being habit forming. It doesn't sound to me like you're abusing these for fun, therefore I would just be honest with your practitioner about it. Good luck

 

[BadBoy377]

I'm trying to ascertain where I'm at in my current drug abuse spiral. This started about 8-10 months ago with gabapentin.

I now take one kind or other CNS depressant daily.

Monday 2 mg ativan 300 mg gabapentin, Tuesday 1500 mg Phenibut, Wednesday 5 grams Kratom, Thursday 1000 mg gabapentin, Friday 2 mg Ativan 300 mg gabapentin, Saturday 5 grams Kratom and Sunday 1000 mg gabapentin. THC with CBN pen few times a day, but daily.

How long can this last? The doses have been maintained for about 3 months now. Prognosis and how much damage am I doing to my body and brain? Thank you.

How long? A year, maybe two. Just depends on your constitution.

How much damage? If you've been at it three months then not much. Although if you keep going for year os so then that gaba rebound is z gonna be pretty nasty. If I were you I'd try n taper it off now and you'll be fine.

 

[agoraphobe]

These are all great insights. I will reply and expand shortly

 

[agoraphobe]

I changed my mind. Yesterday I actually did well and was sober for 14 hours.

I used 500 mg magnesium glycinate, 400 mg sam-e, ashwaganda and 400 mg theanine. It brought me from 10% functional to 70% in like an hour.

But I think I'm really just hurting myself for no reason by limiting my gabapentin usage. I haven't left my location in 7 years and gabapentin as an adjunct really does help my anxiety. I mean with my Lexapro.

I'm going to ask my psyc to just put me on a normal 900 mg daily gabapentin dose.

Yes. You're thinking correctly. I may not take script for few days so I can get high off that 900 mg. I really really like gabapentin. It makes my life so much easier.

 

[agoraphobe]

As someone alluded to earlier. It's probably 60% anxiety management 40% seeking to get high.

My life was absolutely dead boring before I started to dabble with using drugs recreationally. An addict would obviously say that's just rationalizing addiction. But I think I'm going to stay where I'm at.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

If I may disagree here, the fear of addiction is not totally unrealistic imo. I started with Kratom twice a week as well . You clearly have the wish to get high sometimes so there's every possibility for abuse and that must lead to increasing doses. It sounds like dependence now. But it's only one step away from addiction. So don't consider yourself safe (sorry to say to an anxiety patient). But stay warry for the possibility.
Therapeutic effects don't need doses that make you high. You might get high a few times. Then no more. Unless you increase doses. - and say hello to addiction. That goes for gabas as well as most others. If you don't want to risk addiction, stick to a stable daily dose. Don't try to get high off them. Gabapentin should work like that for quite a while. Benzos are only legit for short time anxiety treatment for a reason. They cause dependence quickly and if you're able to feel the effects other than getting sleepy, psychological dependence and addiction come quickly as well. The withdrawal is even dangerous if you don't taper properly.
You're looking forward to the Kratom. My condolences. Twice a week is likely safe for physical dependence, not for psychological dependence or addiction. Why not increase to three times just a few times? With Tramadol that step was what got me hooked. I was abusing it and found myself addicted despite spacing the doses. It only works for so long. And no one can tell you exactly where that border is for you specifically.

 

[Jnowhere]

I changed my mind. Yesterday I actually did well and was sober for 14 hours.

I used 500 mg magnesium glycinate, 400 mg sam-e, ashwaganda and 400 mg theanine. It brought me from 10% functional to 70% in like an hour.

But I think I'm really just hurting myself for no reason by limiting my gabapentin usage. I haven't left my location in 7 years and gabapentin as an adjunct really does help my anxiety. I mean with my Lexapro.

I'm going to ask my psyc to just put me on a normal 900 mg daily gabapentin dose.

Yes. You're thinking correctly. I may not take script for few days so I can get high off that 900 mg. I really really like gabapentin. It makes my life so much easier.

That's all you are up too. Asking for 900mg a day?

JUST BE CAREFUL ABOUT GABAPENTIN. YOUR TOLERANCE COULD RISE FAST IF USED TO GET HIGH; A DOSE TO GET HIGH, OR PAIRED WITH WEED.

Right now your managing anxiety, and yeah not taking it will lower tolerance( if enough time passes)

What, has me scared is you really like Gabapentin.

You haven't left you location in 7 years?
Ever get bored? That's one way addiction can begin.

Alone, with good music, you have your ( D.O.C.(s), even golf could be fun to watch.lol

First it will srart off slow. maybe 2x a week, then 3, then every other day and then everyday.

Then, the gabapentin levels in the thousands of mgs,or a couple or several grams a day.

Careful about ruining your gabapentin tolerance; and then trying to get it down.

If you become physically addicted. I hear that is quite miserable. Especially when the levels are in the thousands of mgs.

I don't want to get more into it, but be careful.
You might just get stuck here.lol

 

[BadBoy377]

Have you tried Lyrica for your anxiety?

Fair enough you're getting high off gabapentin but if it's not actually helping your symptoms of anxiety do you really want to be on that long term too?

 

[washingtonbound]

I changed my mind. Yesterday I actually did well and was sober for 14 hours.

I used 500 mg magnesium glycinate, 400 mg sam-e, ashwaganda and 400 mg theanine. It brought me from 10% functional to 70% in like an hour.

But I think I'm really just hurting myself for no reason by limiting my gabapentin usage. I haven't left my location in 7 years and gabapentin as an adjunct really does help my anxiety. I mean with my Lexapro.

I'm going to ask my psyc to just put me on a normal 900 mg daily gabapentin dose.

Yes. You're thinking correctly. I may not take script for few days so I can get high off that 900 mg. I really really like gabapentin. It makes my life so much easier.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting on a gabapentin maintenance dose. Better than getting deep into benzos. Someone else mentioned lyrica and I agree that can help with anxiety but is also more habit forming than gabapentin. I abused it while staying in Mexico and I absolutely felt psychological withdrawal when stopping after only a week. I would absolutely not exceed the dose prescribed if you used it.

 

[washingtonbound]

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting on a gabapentin maintenance dose. Better than getting deep into benzos. Someone else mentioned lyrica and I agree that can help with anxiety but is also more habit forming than gabapentin. I abused it while staying in Mexico and I absolutely felt psychological withdrawal when stopping after only a week. I would absolutely not exceed the dose prescribed if you used it.

I wanted to add, I’d reconsider Kratom use if you’re still using it. I slipped into that for a few weeks when I came back to Florida. I noticed that it would actually make anxiety worse over time. Started having symptoms that I didn’t before.

When I noticed I was still using it despite negative symptoms, I knew it was time to stop.

 

[agoraphobe]

Well. I had my first real collapse yesterday. Since writing this initially, I increased my Kratom to 3 times a week. That seems to be a hard wall between stable use and having real problems both on off days and come downs.

I completely fell apart coming down from Kratom yesterday. Deep sadness and anxiety, crying my eyes out. As mentioned above I know I have to stop. I'm just so dependent on those wonderful 5 hour feelings. I'm not quitting or saying I'm quitting because it would be a lie, I'm not committed to that clearly. I will do the best I know I can do right now and lower use from 3 to 2 days a week. I also have to watch out when I get into the mid 5g range because I think yesterday I took an extra 600 mg cap that put me over my usual dose. Wondering if that also contributed to the vile comedown.

I know live in the same house (seperate floor) as my deeply toxic recovering alcholic uncle. This has been bad for my mental health, as he is always picking fights with me, coming into my apartment without permission etc. These are dark times for me as they are for I'm sure many. I've also been off for a week and knowing I have to deal with work stress in 24 hours is probably contributing to my mental breakdown. We'll see. I was able to balance myself out today at least with 1mg ativan. I've kept that mostly stable. Though had increased to 1.5 mg for about 2 months, doc realized, told me to lower and I did. So I dunno.

I'm telling a story probably told millions of time on here over the years and elsewhere. One of the few comforts I get is sharing my experiences with you guys on the forum on Discord. God bless.