Man, I want to be that 'good' dude. I truly care about people but it seems that I am a hypocrite. I only care about the good people.
The others, I wish harsh things to happen to them. I find myself having issues with anger and rage. I HATE it. There are some shady people in the rooms that I hang in and I judge them. I judge them hard because they take advantage of people (or attempt to) in order to satisfy their lust, greed and egos. They don't care if it is harming those that are just trying to get well in a so-called safe atmosphere of recovery.
I look around these rooms and I see very few females that are considered 'newcomers' (those new to the 12 step thing trying to get another day clean). I sense that its because of all the dudes in 'recovery' (with clean time) are always waggin' their dicks in the newcomers faces. They see these women as fresh, vulnerable pieces of ass.
How can I say this?
These dudes NEVER approach the females that have clean time in an attempt to get some ass. They know better, so... they pursue the new girl. The girl that doesn't know what to expect walking into a meeting for the first time. They choose the new girl who just walked in for the sole purpose of getting clean.
I'm guilty as well. I used to justify it by saying 'Well, we have the same amount of clean time' or 'She approached me'.
Us dudes are predators.
Fuck I don't know why it bothers me so much. I would know if I was willing to take a deeper look at myself but for some reason I'd rather just sit here with hatred, anger and judgment.
I guess I really don't want to know who I truly am. I'm afraid of seeing all the ugly inside me. Perhaps when I look at these dudes I see my ugliness in them and thats why I hate them.
I am finding that I still hate myself in a very serious way.
Just some more shit to add to the list labeled 'Slow Process, Patience Required'.
The others, I wish harsh things to happen to them. I find myself having issues with anger and rage. I HATE it. There are some shady people in the rooms that I hang in and I judge them. I judge them hard because they take advantage of people (or attempt to) in order to satisfy their lust, greed and egos. They don't care if it is harming those that are just trying to get well in a so-called safe atmosphere of recovery.
I look around these rooms and I see very few females that are considered 'newcomers' (those new to the 12 step thing trying to get another day clean). I sense that its because of all the dudes in 'recovery' (with clean time) are always waggin' their dicks in the newcomers faces. They see these women as fresh, vulnerable pieces of ass.
How can I say this?
These dudes NEVER approach the females that have clean time in an attempt to get some ass. They know better, so... they pursue the new girl. The girl that doesn't know what to expect walking into a meeting for the first time. They choose the new girl who just walked in for the sole purpose of getting clean.
I'm guilty as well. I used to justify it by saying 'Well, we have the same amount of clean time' or 'She approached me'.
Us dudes are predators.
Fuck I don't know why it bothers me so much. I would know if I was willing to take a deeper look at myself but for some reason I'd rather just sit here with hatred, anger and judgment.
I guess I really don't want to know who I truly am. I'm afraid of seeing all the ugly inside me. Perhaps when I look at these dudes I see my ugliness in them and thats why I hate them.
I am finding that I still hate myself in a very serious way.
Just some more shit to add to the list labeled 'Slow Process, Patience Required'.