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honEbee

honEbee

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 31, 2000
Messages
3,168
Location
left of center
Maybe if i gave less of myself away someone would see me instead of the empty shell that i am now. im slowly slipping into nothingness and yet i cant help giving every last bit. with every move i make i take into consideration how it will affect everyone and put their needs before my own. But when im down no one comes around. Wheres my support? All i seem to get is kicked. Sometimes i think its because i dont deserve happiness. It always seems to evade me. And i try to be happy for everyone else but it gets hard when its been so long that anything good at all ever happened for you that it seems lightyears away. And then the speeches about "it will happen for you its just a matter of time". Well im out of time. And im sick of waiting. Im not sure how much longer i can hold onto whatever hope still resides im my heart. And i think *i just want it to end*. the pain, the loniness, the constant longing to be loved. And i dont see any end in sight. So i just sink back into my shell while im dying on the inside and knowing that no one really wants to know. So i just smile for them and give them whatever piece of me that remains and just *hope* that one day they take the last peice of me with them.
 
Wow, I don't even know what to say... I've been exactly where you are, and all the cliches and tired lines won't make a bit of difference. If you'd like, I'd be happy to chat with you via email, see if I can't help somehow. Sometimes, it's cool to unload your thoughts and worries onto a stranger behind the safety of a computer screen. If you don't write, that's cool: I hope things work out for you, honestly. My email's [email protected]
Take care....
 
Awwwww... honEbee, I love you, and you should know that... I hope that this wasn't all triggered by our conversation yesterday.
frown.gif
You know I would never be mad at you. If I'm upset about something, I'll get over it, I alwayz do. Cheer up honE!!
biggrin.gif
you need to stop worrying about other people so much and start making yourself happy. I didn't see you on-line again last night, but I was looking for you.. If you need to talk to someone, please, e-mail me at work or call my cell. I'm here for ya whenever you need me.
Oh yeah, and how many times have I told you?!? SMILE!
smile.gif

-ShaDDoW
 
Thanks Organ Donor (ill send you an email later today) and ice-9. Sometimes its good to know youre not the only one.
Shaddow - its a combination of everything that makes up my life right now that inspired this. a part of it was our conversation though. i was online last night for several hours at the same time i usually am on.
frown.gif
 
IT'S WEIRD TO SEE THIS...I MEAN I ALMOST FEEL LIKE I AM SEEING A MIRRIOR ONTO MYSELF. IT'S STRANGE TO FEEL THAT...BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW I WAS A MANIC-DEPRESSIVE FOR 2 YEARS, AND I WROTE JUST LIKE YOU DID. TIRED OF WAITING TO BE LOVED, AND GET SOMEONE TO NOTICE MY NEEDS, WHILE I JUST SAT BACK AND GAVE MY ALL TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE HOPING THEY WOULD SEE MY PAIN AND TAKE ME IN. IT'S WEIRD...I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU AND JUST BY READING YOUR POST I FEEL LIKE I'VE ALREADY KNOWN YOU FOR YEARS. I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, BUT I CAN TELL YOU YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, AND YOU'RE WORTH MUCH MORE THAN YOU THINK. I WOULD LOVE YOU TALK TO YOU VIA E-MAIL. IT'S NOT A COMAND BUT MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN...IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO HUG YOU....I CAN'T EXPLAIN TO YOU ENOUGH THAT I WAS WALKING DOWN YOUR STREET ABOUT 4-6 MONTHS AGO. I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER HUN...I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE YOU CAN FIND A SMILE TO SHOW EVERYONE HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE AND MAKE THEM JEALOUS...
DYMND-
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[email protected]
[This message has been edited by xDymnd9x (edited 09 February 2001).]
 
I've learned...that you have to find your own happiness and reach out and hold onto it, instead of waiting for it to come to you.
I've learned...that sometimes you can feel more alone when you're with someone than when you're by yourself.
I've learned...that if you don't know how to love yourself first, you will never be able to let anyone love you.
I've learned...that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned...that more people love you than you think and they need you more than you will ever know.
And I've learned...that no matter how hard things are for you right now, it WILL eventually get better, but you have to want it to, and that happiness isn't some mystical entity that can be 'found'...you have to look inside yourself and create it.
Much love,
~kimmy.
smile.gif

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~*~I hope you take a piece of me with you...~*~
[This message has been edited by *SWeeT-e* (edited 09 February 2001).]
 
I have been here:
HOPE
Life is confused and shattered.
I need someone to hold onto.
The strength inside me is running out.
Each day gets harder to face.
And I find myself constantly hoping,
yet I must forget about hope,
for without action,
hope is but a fading emotion.
Patience they say,
destiny will show you your happiness.
Time however is sliding into nothingness.
Maybe it is supposed to be this way
I “hope” not.
(1994)
Are you coming to the BL BBQ tommorrow? (if you are a melbournian) You should come and meet some people
wink.gif

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"Always give a stranger a chance, because if you don't they will always remain a stranger."
S(x)K(tn)
 
thanks for all the support guys.
sarah*ak*s*k - i wish i could go to the BBQ, but i live in the states. thanks for the offer though.
smile.gif
 
a BBQ!?
i envy you guys. Right now i can't even look outside my window because there's so much snow blocking the view....
*mumble grumble*
 
honEbee... wow this piece gave me the CHILLS. its beautiful, straight from the heart, and flowing with a lot of emotion. i know i have felt like that at times, a lot of times, actually. its like you feel that you're so out of any options and you have no where to go, no one to turn to... if you ever need to talk, bitch, complain, anything, just drop me an e-mail at [email protected] . i'd be more than happy to listen or empathize.
never stop dreaming
Mellabopper
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animals are for petting!
"does anyone know where we are? because i think i dont have a clue"
"damn the man, save the empire!" - empire records
Corruption is key.
 
honE~ I *know* you do more for people then you receive back. You are one of the most compassionate, sweet persons I have ever known. I know you have been going through a lot of stuff at home, and I really hope things start improving for you. You *do* deserve happiness. You mean a lot more to a lot of people then I think you know. Check your e-mail in a lil bit babe. I love you sweetie!
smile.gif
{hugs}
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~"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."~:)
~"Happiness is not having what you want. It's wanting what you have."~
*Mwas* ~¤É®ÏѤ
 
Yeah, listen to mmmmSeXyE.. She knowz what she'z talking about.
I really value your friendship. You have helped me out in the past month far more than I think you could understand. If it had not been for you there talking to me about stuff, I probably would be in jail or rehab.. Just chatting with you took away from a lot of drinking and drug time.. hehe
No, but really, you are super sweet, fun, sincere, caring, loving, sexy
smile.gif
... You just need to stop worrying so much, think positive, and hope for the best. I'm alwayz here for ya when you need me!
smile.gif

I just want know that you're appreciated.. A lot. Luv ya honE!
-ShaDDoW
[This message has been edited by ShaDDoW (edited 11 February 2001).]
 
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