Mellabopper
Bluelighter
This is just something I wrote a few months ago (things have gotten better since then). I haven't been around in a while, but I was just going through some old stuff and decided to post it. Hope all of you are doing well.
Take care,
Mella
*************************
Everything I have ever told you
About having second chances
And good thing happening
To those who wait
Forget it
Forget every damn last word I said
It was all just a lie
Maybe to make myself feel better.
Because right now I feel the worst
I have felt in such a long time.
Alone
Unwanted
Thrown away
And not good enough.
What happened and why did it have to happen
Like this?
With you
You.
Why are you putting me though this?
Do expect that I will just sit by
And be made a fool of?
While waiting around for you
And you don’t even come
I can’t do this anymore
I can’t do it to myself
I shouldn’t let me do this to myself
And I hate that you
You
Are making me feel this way.
You, who made all of these thoughts disappear
So long ago
So long ago
Oh how so much has changed since then.
I guess the higher you get
The more hopeful
And for once in a long time
Actually optimistic
And happy
I should know better by now
That I shouldn’t ever get my hopes up
Even with something
Or someone
That seems so damn perfect
Because I should know
That sooner or later
It will all come crashing down.
And I don’t even know if it’s worth it anymore.
I’d like to put up a fight
Because I still care
But I hate that you make me feel this way
And you have no clue.
And I can’t even get you alone
Long enough to tell you.
Now I’m just second string
A backup plan
Well fuck that
I’m nobody’s #2.
But right now
I just feel
Like nobody at all.
An invisible creature
Slowly wandering the world
With sluggish feet
And a heavy heart
Always hanging my head down.
Sometimes it hurts to breathe
And my stomach is in knots
And you are the only one who can untie them
Make them go away
Because you are the one who put me here.
But you won’t even see me
All affection is lost.
So why do my feelings still remain?
Why?
Because this was a slap in the face
And I’m nobody’s fool,
Or at least I’d like to think that.
Even so.
I am shaking
And lightheaded
On the verge of tears
Knowing
That I have to let you go
After I wanted you so badly
And even had a taste for a short time
As to what now could have been.
But that was in the past,
And you expect to keep it there.
I hate that you
You
You of all people,
Make me feel this way.
I don’t want to feel this way
Ever again.
I’m locking up my heart
And throwing away the key
No more compromises
No more hopes
No more smiles or laughs
Just tears
And a heavy heart.
I guess my destiny
Does not lie where I thought
I thought I was finally going to fly.
Little did I know
That it would eventually turn sour.
But shouldn’t I have known?
Because doesn’t this happen all of the time?
I don’t even know what to say anymore.
I’m sad and broken
Because I’m losing you.
You’re fading away
And I feel that now that you’re gone
I’m slowly fading away too.
I’d ask you to hold me back
And keep me here a little longer
To not fade away,
But somehow
Almost certainly,
You wouldn’t care
And you would just walk away
And let me fade
Much like you have already done.
9-14-02
Take care,
Mella
*************************
Everything I have ever told you
About having second chances
And good thing happening
To those who wait
Forget it
Forget every damn last word I said
It was all just a lie
Maybe to make myself feel better.
Because right now I feel the worst
I have felt in such a long time.
Alone
Unwanted
Thrown away
And not good enough.
What happened and why did it have to happen
Like this?
With you
You.
Why are you putting me though this?
Do expect that I will just sit by
And be made a fool of?
While waiting around for you
And you don’t even come
I can’t do this anymore
I can’t do it to myself
I shouldn’t let me do this to myself
And I hate that you
You
Are making me feel this way.
You, who made all of these thoughts disappear
So long ago
So long ago
Oh how so much has changed since then.
I guess the higher you get
The more hopeful
And for once in a long time
Actually optimistic
And happy
I should know better by now
That I shouldn’t ever get my hopes up
Even with something
Or someone
That seems so damn perfect
Because I should know
That sooner or later
It will all come crashing down.
And I don’t even know if it’s worth it anymore.
I’d like to put up a fight
Because I still care
But I hate that you make me feel this way
And you have no clue.
And I can’t even get you alone
Long enough to tell you.
Now I’m just second string
A backup plan
Well fuck that
I’m nobody’s #2.
But right now
I just feel
Like nobody at all.
An invisible creature
Slowly wandering the world
With sluggish feet
And a heavy heart
Always hanging my head down.
Sometimes it hurts to breathe
And my stomach is in knots
And you are the only one who can untie them
Make them go away
Because you are the one who put me here.
But you won’t even see me
All affection is lost.
So why do my feelings still remain?
Why?
Because this was a slap in the face
And I’m nobody’s fool,
Or at least I’d like to think that.
Even so.
I am shaking
And lightheaded
On the verge of tears
Knowing
That I have to let you go
After I wanted you so badly
And even had a taste for a short time
As to what now could have been.
But that was in the past,
And you expect to keep it there.
I hate that you
You
You of all people,
Make me feel this way.
I don’t want to feel this way
Ever again.
I’m locking up my heart
And throwing away the key
No more compromises
No more hopes
No more smiles or laughs
Just tears
And a heavy heart.
I guess my destiny
Does not lie where I thought
I thought I was finally going to fly.
Little did I know
That it would eventually turn sour.
But shouldn’t I have known?
Because doesn’t this happen all of the time?
I don’t even know what to say anymore.
I’m sad and broken
Because I’m losing you.
You’re fading away
And I feel that now that you’re gone
I’m slowly fading away too.
I’d ask you to hold me back
And keep me here a little longer
To not fade away,
But somehow
Almost certainly,
You wouldn’t care
And you would just walk away
And let me fade
Much like you have already done.
9-14-02
*waves to mella* ... i miss you girlie!
i luv ya.
