*Cosmic Mist*
Bluelighter
I
“Innocent wench! Damn your soul!
I will break you and make you whole!
Lie and be still – You must obey!
Your innocent life, now, must be changed!
You have no rights! I’m in control
And when you’re gone, I’ll have your soul!
For it’s you who’s ruined my life!
You are the proof of a deceitful wife!”
II
Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
Oh! Please do not blame me so –
For she was not my kin!
That poor child! God bless her soul!
I believe now I lost control!
I loved her then – and ever will,
Though this ugly deed haunts me still!
For her pretty face and innocent charms
Were what lead me to her arms….
III
How did it start?
I don’t quite know,
I just, felt a craving –
I saw her flesh
(So young and fresh!)
She was just there to be taken!
That little girl…
She made me feel so…
Goddamn exhilarated!
I woke her up,
And filled her up
With pain…
I was escaping!
IV
Don’t look at me in such disgust!
I’d no control – I swear it!
I loved her then, and still do now!
She’s gone and I cannot bear it!
Father! My Dear God!
It should be me that’s crying!
I need your help – you must guide me!
For heaven, me, is denying!
V
More detail now?
If you so wish,
But I warn:
It is not pleasant.
(If I could,
I would escape
From her glance –
But she’s omnipresent!)
VI
One evening as she slept
In white sheets twisted all around –
Into her room, so quiet I crept,
Knowing not to make a sound.
I watched her as she sweetly dreamed,
And sighed, and mumbled
(And shrank it seemed!)
Her tiny body heaved with breath.
This heavy evening would be the death
Of all her innocent ways-
I held her down and made her behave!
Her mother, drugged, still lay in bed -
She couldn’t come as her daughter bled.
And when the child screamed in pain –
It seemed that this increased my rage!
I couldn’t stop – out and in!
She had to die for her mother’s sin.
VII
The more I reflect,
The less need I feel for such guilt,
It was my heart burned and broken
By that heartless jilt!
For though the child is of her womb,
I will hold the proof quite soon
That this child is not of my loins,
But to some other man adjoins.
Why then, such guilt should I feel?
It was not I who broke the seal
Of holy vows and sacred intent,
And precious lives did indent.
I was honest until that day,
And never once did I lie or convey
Anything but my sacred love,
Whilst she was lying in deceit.
My act therefore, is thus thereof,
A righteous nature, I believe.
VIII
My father! I fear it’s not enough
Just to bend my head and pray!
I wish for you to cleanse my soul
And make her go away!
I need the instant assurance
That only you can give,
I want the everlasting life
That only the righteous live!
Understand that her body I did beat
With no small death in mind…
T’was an act of love committed,
Therefore my innocence, you cannot deny.
IX
Father! Leave me not alone
In my eleventh hour of need!
Come back and remedy my life-
It is with you I beg and plead!
“Hail Marys” aren’t enough
To save me from my righteous act…
So counsel me! For I have faith
In your honour, grace, and tact…
X
Father – leave me not alone
But help me, to God, to pray!
No Father! You can’t forsake me now!
How can you walk away?
Can you not see my dire need
To live, love, and learn?
You are obliged to be my guide!
My acts, your stomach turn?
Heinous? Such a powerful word!
Surely you mean it not?
Why no! I don’t regret my crime
For it’s she who is at fault!
Had she been faithful in her ways
Our child would be alive today!
Not just a halfling
With her blood, not mine!
You see! It’s her fault!
It’s her fault that the child is dying…
XI
Father, all I seek is peace,
But here I find it not.
So I shall seek from other beings
A solution to the problem I’ve got.
And as you will not help me,
And say such acts can’t be forgiven,
Realise that I’ve just you to blame
For any lengths to which I’m driven
In order to seek the pure life,
Which you refuse to give.
Now I leave, as I have before -
I'm off, my new life, to live.
Without your kind, loving support,
Without you by my side…
Know that one day I’ll return for you,
And next time,
Behind a screen, you will not hide…
“Innocent wench! Damn your soul!
I will break you and make you whole!
Lie and be still – You must obey!
Your innocent life, now, must be changed!
You have no rights! I’m in control
And when you’re gone, I’ll have your soul!
For it’s you who’s ruined my life!
You are the proof of a deceitful wife!”
II
Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
Oh! Please do not blame me so –
For she was not my kin!
That poor child! God bless her soul!
I believe now I lost control!
I loved her then – and ever will,
Though this ugly deed haunts me still!
For her pretty face and innocent charms
Were what lead me to her arms….
III
How did it start?
I don’t quite know,
I just, felt a craving –
I saw her flesh
(So young and fresh!)
She was just there to be taken!
That little girl…
She made me feel so…
Goddamn exhilarated!
I woke her up,
And filled her up
With pain…
I was escaping!
IV
Don’t look at me in such disgust!
I’d no control – I swear it!
I loved her then, and still do now!
She’s gone and I cannot bear it!
Father! My Dear God!
It should be me that’s crying!
I need your help – you must guide me!
For heaven, me, is denying!
V
More detail now?
If you so wish,
But I warn:
It is not pleasant.
(If I could,
I would escape
From her glance –
But she’s omnipresent!)
VI
One evening as she slept
In white sheets twisted all around –
Into her room, so quiet I crept,
Knowing not to make a sound.
I watched her as she sweetly dreamed,
And sighed, and mumbled
(And shrank it seemed!)
Her tiny body heaved with breath.
This heavy evening would be the death
Of all her innocent ways-
I held her down and made her behave!
Her mother, drugged, still lay in bed -
She couldn’t come as her daughter bled.
And when the child screamed in pain –
It seemed that this increased my rage!
I couldn’t stop – out and in!
She had to die for her mother’s sin.
VII
The more I reflect,
The less need I feel for such guilt,
It was my heart burned and broken
By that heartless jilt!
For though the child is of her womb,
I will hold the proof quite soon
That this child is not of my loins,
But to some other man adjoins.
Why then, such guilt should I feel?
It was not I who broke the seal
Of holy vows and sacred intent,
And precious lives did indent.
I was honest until that day,
And never once did I lie or convey
Anything but my sacred love,
Whilst she was lying in deceit.
My act therefore, is thus thereof,
A righteous nature, I believe.
VIII
My father! I fear it’s not enough
Just to bend my head and pray!
I wish for you to cleanse my soul
And make her go away!
I need the instant assurance
That only you can give,
I want the everlasting life
That only the righteous live!
Understand that her body I did beat
With no small death in mind…
T’was an act of love committed,
Therefore my innocence, you cannot deny.
IX
Father! Leave me not alone
In my eleventh hour of need!
Come back and remedy my life-
It is with you I beg and plead!
“Hail Marys” aren’t enough
To save me from my righteous act…
So counsel me! For I have faith
In your honour, grace, and tact…
X
Father – leave me not alone
But help me, to God, to pray!
No Father! You can’t forsake me now!
How can you walk away?
Can you not see my dire need
To live, love, and learn?
You are obliged to be my guide!
My acts, your stomach turn?
Heinous? Such a powerful word!
Surely you mean it not?
Why no! I don’t regret my crime
For it’s she who is at fault!
Had she been faithful in her ways
Our child would be alive today!
Not just a halfling
With her blood, not mine!
You see! It’s her fault!
It’s her fault that the child is dying…
XI
Father, all I seek is peace,
But here I find it not.
So I shall seek from other beings
A solution to the problem I’ve got.
And as you will not help me,
And say such acts can’t be forgiven,
Realise that I’ve just you to blame
For any lengths to which I’m driven
In order to seek the pure life,
Which you refuse to give.
Now I leave, as I have before -
I'm off, my new life, to live.
Without your kind, loving support,
Without you by my side…
Know that one day I’ll return for you,
And next time,
Behind a screen, you will not hide…
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")