Until next time

[harraser]

Convictions fade from my mind....
Ive missed this so much
This isnt what we want
Oh well, too late now
No its not, just put it down
Hmmm, I dont think so
We've gone this far
Why not push just a little bit further?
We've worked so hard
One more for old times sake wont hurt
It'll show us how far we've come
But........
Ahhhhhhhhhhh..........
I forgot how good this feels
Sugar coated tongues licking me all over
Sending electric shocks through every nerve
One for each memory of shame.
The silky snow inside my eyes
Buries the old guilt in pleasure
And turns everything into a beautiful winter wonderland
Right here in my room.
Gravity free
I float in timeless sensation
Without a single thought
To mar this exquisite landscape
Like swimming in a sea of honey
Everything is golden
And sweet
And sticky,
Like the beauty doesnt want to let me go,
Like this is where Im meant to be,
A place I finally belong
Forever swimming in happiness
And exploring joy eternal.
This feels so good
Why did I stay away?
I want to feel like this forever
You know that we cant
Oh, youre back
I thought Id lost you in the snow
You know whats coming soon
No, shut up.
Just let me enjoy the last little bit of this
You can already feel it, cant you?
Its not too bad, we can handle it
Really, its not as bad as it used to be
.....its not
You should have listened to me
The sadness, the pain, the stupidity
This is why we stayed away
It hurts,
Just leave me alone
I cant leave you,
Im a part of you.
Youre a part of me
And as such I have to suffer for your weakness too
Im sorry
This isnt what I wanted
I just wanted to feel again
Nothing ever feels real anymore
Im always so numb
The feelings will come back in time
We just have to be strong.....and patient
Why?
Why did I do it?
Why did I give in?
You let yourself forget.
How many times have we been through this?
It always ends the same way
With exactly the same words.....
It just isnt worth it
I promise
Ill never touch this shit again
Never!!!
Until next-time....
[ 07 July 2002: Message edited by: harraser ]

 

[icy rox]

couldn't begin to tell you how many times I've been through this same scenario!! I'd love to say that eventually it gets easier to listen to yourself (the part of you that knows better ) but so far all I've noticed is that it just gets easier to give in!! perfect title - nice work!!
~icy

 

[Queen Beat]

There's final hits....and there's final hits. Which was this to be?
You aren't alone in these thoughts hun. Chin up, you're stronger then you think...
Powerful writing.

 

[cherub]

sweetheart, it took me 5 or 6 times to read this over and over,, I feel such pain in this, i could not respond, on my mind through out the day,
Hate to have you feel such the emptiness, i wish you could know how many people feel you and are there for you , especially me.
Beautiful work and I agree the words are such powerful thing and this shows how powerfull they can be.
I for one thank you for sharing it, touches me in so many numerous ways.
love ya hun

 

[cossack]

Forever swimming in happiness
And exploring joy eternal.
WOW!
Great work. It could have not been put better!

 

[plazma]

Very fucking close to the bone Harraser. Very fucking close to the bone.
Great work, and its making me think in ways that I really don't want to have to, but its like an echo of what my thoughts have been for a little while. Nice one.
-plaz out-

 

[Dagny]

There are times when I try to avoid this duality that I know lives inside me every day. And there are times that I embrace it. Figuring out whether I am doing this for my own well-being or for my own escape, it threatens to break me sometimes. So I come to Words. And I write about it, and you say things to make me feel better (you and many others).
What to say to make you feel better? I know. I do, and I can tell you that no matter how hard you chase it, you can't make the decision of when. Feeling comes in its own time, all you can do is learn to appreciate it while its gone, and learn to stop hating the numbness. If you hate it, you give it power, and it's not worth it in the end, darling. You are stronger than it will ever be.

 

[E-girl]

I cant leave you,
Im a part of you.
Youre a part of me
i really believe that once your heart forms an attachment to someone, it never really breaks that attachment, even after you've severed all ties with them. i think its this bond that allows us to hold on so vividly to memories. so no... you cant really leave that part of you behind... its up to us, as individuals, to decide whether we want to treasure that part, or let it continue to hurt us.
your words are beautiful, as always. i know you have it in you to overcome anything life throws your way. your past cant hurt you.

 

[frostyangel]

Well, I read this a couple times...and alot of us know this feeling..I am this why everytime. I want to forget sometimes. And I feel this is the way to do it. And then somewhere towards the end
I think to myself..wtf..were you thinking. You know you always feel the same afterwards..and you always want more..even though you say I'll never do it again, in some ways..it is our weakness..but in someways it makes us remember what reality is all about..
Just remember there is always someone who has been there, so if you don't want to go that route, let them know and they'll be there 100% for you, I know I would, and I would hope someone would do that for me...If you ever need to talk...aim frostyE1331
Take care sweetie...

 

[yoUr bLiSS]

for having read this several times over and a lack of better words...ouch...this one hurts and seems to hit us all too close to home....