Untested speed causing 1+ month anxiety/bladder problems?

[Nakna]

Hey all,

tl;dr at the bottom if you don't want the full story

Long long time lurker but never actually made an account. For the longest time I've been what is best described as someone who would easily take whatever without testing it. Mistakes were made. I'm 21/M, 78kg, 173cm. Sorry for the wall of text but I would like to do my full story so it's easy to understand where it all comes from.

So I've done MDMA a couple times and speed a couple times and always needed to pee a lot, but this never formed an issue during the comedown or anything else. At the start of March, i.e. a month ago, I got my hands on some speed paste that was surprisingly cheap (should have seen that red flag coming). I dried it out, and at some point on a normal university friday I took a little bite in the morning. On the bus up to campus I felt a slight rush and was pretty awake the whole day. Later on that day I had 3 pints of cider, and when I came home I did a full line (or two half lines?). I then basically locked myself in my room and, uhm, you can imagine what I did for about 8 hours on end, as a guy by myself on speed.

The biggest issue starts here. The morning after I had a trip to Amsterdam (I live in the UK) booked, so I woke up (slept about 2-3 hours?), got everything ready, but had the constant urge to pee. Like, constant constant. When we were getting ready to get in the taxi to the airport (around 40 minutes) I could feel myself get very anxious that I would need to pee (or pee myself), just over halfway the ride I asked the taxi driver to stop at the side of the road so I could pee (I felt embarassed and anxious about this whole trip with the pee problem, and almost had a panic attack asking to go pee), nothing came out, and I got back in the taxi. Pee'd at the airport, after security, bla bla, basically every 10-20 minutes. 7 times on the Airplane (1-2 hour flight), etc. I thought it was a UTI, but a month down the line and still.. Hm. Anyway, coming back, same thing but slightly less worse, got out the taxi about a mile before arriving at my house and just walked the rest because I couldn't stand being in an enclosed space where I couldn't pee.

Now, over the last month it has been very disabling. I have big trouble taking the bus (as I would sit in an enclosed space where I can't pee for 20-30 minutes) as it makes me anxious, I hate car rides that are longer than 10 minutes and feel a constant, constant "weight" down there, as if I need to pee. I went to the doctor the first week who said it was anxiety, but I didn't tell him at the time about the 8 hour *ahem* session and the speed use.

I'm seeing another doctor again on Saturday and will give them the full honest story, but I'm asking you, has anyone had similar issues? Constant need to pee, despite it being a month ago since I had (untested, probably very bad as it was cheap) speed. Is the pee habit causing my anxiety or is my anxiety causing the pee habit???

I've been keeping track of my peeing habits today and so far I don't really pee that much, but I've been by myself working in the university lab for most of the day so its been quite relaxed. I read a lot about MDMA long term anxiety and slowly recovering, which seems quite similar to how I feel right now, but this peeing problem is completely doing my head in. I cancelled some job interviews and supervisor meetings due to just feeling off. I threw away all drugs I had (collection of a few years, in fact) because I simply couldn't face the demons that I felt caused this anymore.

Anyone else have experience with long-term anxiety stemming from doing drugs just once (second time I did speed in all my life)? Or bladder control problems that go on for a while? Any advice? I was getting better but seemed to have hit a plateau where I am no longer getting all that much better. I just want to go back to being confident, doing job interviews and working on my project like I was before

Thanks for reading, I may have made mistakes in my story or something but I'll try to clarify if it's confusing

tl;dr: Bladder feels screwed up after coming down from speed, causing me to be anxious all the damn time (1 month+ so far), not sure if bladder is screwed and causing anxiety or anxiety itself is screwing my bladder. Slowly getting better but I feel I've "plateau"d and not getting that much better anymore.

 

[herbavore]

Wow--I'm really sorry to hear about this. It would certainly generate anxiety. I think you are on the right path to be completely honest with the doctor. I only wish the medical community had more research on illegal substances--it makes it difficult when everyone has to hide their use thanks to the War on Drugs mentality.8)

I will leave it to others to see whether anyone else has had this experience but I do hope you will update your thread as you learn more as this will obviously benefit others down the line.

I know you have already learned this lesson but I am emphasizing it for the general public: TEST THE SUBSTANCES YOU PUT IN YOUR BODY.

Another thing that would be very helpful to you would be to do some mental work (therapy, meditation, mindfulness or CBT) around the anxiety associated with this physical symptom. I doubt it is all in your mind but I have been very surprised in my own life to discover the oversized role anxiety can be playing behind the scenes when dealing with a physical problem. This has nothing to do with hypochondria and everything to do with the fact that western medicine so often overlooks that the physical and mental are enmeshed completely. Good luck and keep us up to date.

 

[Nakna]

Went to the doctor and she said I may have "reset" my bladder's "pee timer", if that makes sense? Basically I have to bladder train myself again haha. A bit like potty training, as my friend jokingly said.

But the doctor gave me a self-STD test, just to be sure, and basically gave me the full explanation. As I've done speed a couple times and ketamine a bit more than that (still no habitual/daily user, but during termtime perhaps twice a month?) + alcohol (I'm a university student), it's super unlikely I've actually damaged anything, and I just basically triggered a mental reset. So yeah, seems I'm staying away from drugs for a long time, and living a lot more healthy and keeping track of my surroundings.

I try to keep track of my fluid intake & voiding, which seems to help as it makes me conscious of when I may or may not need to pee, or when it's just my brain telling me lies.

Thank you for the advice Herbavore on CBT/Therapy/Meditaiton. I think I will attempt meditation and mindfulness as I tend to be quite a busy person I don't take much time for myself, which perhaps I should start doing again! I'm quite lucky perhaps that my doctor had some knowledge of the effects of drugs (and was quite accepting of me telling her this, too!).

So yeah, the tl;dr here is that physical and mental are indeed enmeshed and set each other off a lot, so I'm training myself to be normal again, and try to stay hydrated. I will probably update this post from time to time to update and such, but we'll see!

I even went to the store I had a panic attack on Thursday, and I was fine-ish today. Got me my dinner. A little short of breath and felt rushed/panicky, but no full on "oh shit boys it's happening". Just have to train myself to be normal again it seems

 

[herbavore]

That's interesting about the "pee timer". I can attest to how related thought and peeing is because I was a teacher for years and we teachers develop something we call "teacher bladder" where we train ourselves out of peeing during the day because we never have time! I'm retired now and I find that I still unconsciously hold my pee all day.8(