Unspoken
10.24.01
We fought today. What else is new. You came up to hang out for the day, but we didn't hang out, we just fought. About nothing, about everything. I started to toss the idea around in my head once again, the idea that maybe we should just stop seeing each other on Wednesdays, and go on with our lives, completely without each other's presense and memory.
That idea never stays very long in my head. And here we are, another Wednesday gone wrong. Another perfectly happy week gone shitty. Another night will go by that I dont sleep. Things will get smashed. Names will be called.
My counselor says I need to find closure from you. But when I asked her how to get it, she said only I could determine that. I must have tried fifty-some different approaches, but nothing has seemed to work. I look over at you, sitting in the passenger side of my car, and while my heart still somehow loves you, every bone in my body hates you. Hates the names you call me, hates the way you make me feel, the way you make me cry so easily, even now. I look at you, and I can't for the life of me figure out what keeps me coming back for more of the pain you so easily throw at me.
Sitting here in my car, driving this same road that we drove a billion times in the past, I have nothing to say to you that won't be ignorant and mean. But even so, I know none of that could hurt you. You won't let me hurt you. And I hate that.
So we don't speak. There's just the uneasy silence, the unspoken words, and the music. I drift away on the music, like I always do, forgetting about you sitting there in the passenger seat, singing obnoxiously.
Sometimes unspoken words can be comforting.
Fate won't let me forget about you. Our song comes on, the song that we would be dancing to at our wedding, the song that we coined "our song," the one you sang to me while we danced in my living room so many nights. A song I haven't heard since we fell apart. And I can feel the tears well up in my eyes.
I'm afraid to look at you, to have you see my tears. I'm even more afraid that you hear the same song and think nothing of me. Do you ever regret that, that this is not our song anymore? Just someone else's song... someone else dancing and singing in their living room late at night.
But the song goes on endlessly, and i cant stop the silent tears that stream from my eyes. And i know you can hear all the unspoken thoughts that are racing through my mind at this moment, you always could. i wish that this once, you couldn't.
I know you heard them. You took my hand, and we sat there, in my car, while OUR song, the song that would always be our song, played on, and the words we said to each other once, now unspoken, were louder than ever.
And I still miss you, even though I hate you sometimes.
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance. It's the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live."
10.24.01
We fought today. What else is new. You came up to hang out for the day, but we didn't hang out, we just fought. About nothing, about everything. I started to toss the idea around in my head once again, the idea that maybe we should just stop seeing each other on Wednesdays, and go on with our lives, completely without each other's presense and memory.
That idea never stays very long in my head. And here we are, another Wednesday gone wrong. Another perfectly happy week gone shitty. Another night will go by that I dont sleep. Things will get smashed. Names will be called.
My counselor says I need to find closure from you. But when I asked her how to get it, she said only I could determine that. I must have tried fifty-some different approaches, but nothing has seemed to work. I look over at you, sitting in the passenger side of my car, and while my heart still somehow loves you, every bone in my body hates you. Hates the names you call me, hates the way you make me feel, the way you make me cry so easily, even now. I look at you, and I can't for the life of me figure out what keeps me coming back for more of the pain you so easily throw at me.
Sitting here in my car, driving this same road that we drove a billion times in the past, I have nothing to say to you that won't be ignorant and mean. But even so, I know none of that could hurt you. You won't let me hurt you. And I hate that.
So we don't speak. There's just the uneasy silence, the unspoken words, and the music. I drift away on the music, like I always do, forgetting about you sitting there in the passenger seat, singing obnoxiously.
Sometimes unspoken words can be comforting.
Fate won't let me forget about you. Our song comes on, the song that we would be dancing to at our wedding, the song that we coined "our song," the one you sang to me while we danced in my living room so many nights. A song I haven't heard since we fell apart. And I can feel the tears well up in my eyes.
I'm afraid to look at you, to have you see my tears. I'm even more afraid that you hear the same song and think nothing of me. Do you ever regret that, that this is not our song anymore? Just someone else's song... someone else dancing and singing in their living room late at night.
But the song goes on endlessly, and i cant stop the silent tears that stream from my eyes. And i know you can hear all the unspoken thoughts that are racing through my mind at this moment, you always could. i wish that this once, you couldn't.
I know you heard them. You took my hand, and we sat there, in my car, while OUR song, the song that would always be our song, played on, and the words we said to each other once, now unspoken, were louder than ever.
And I still miss you, even though I hate you sometimes.
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance. It's the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live."
