*Cosmic Mist*
Bluelighter
Is this the destiny they sold you? This soft meaningless life in the image of your own best wishes? Does it satisfy you now that you see all that you have forsaken and left for dead? How could you know of all the things you are missing - all your true desires have now turned to waste. There is nothing you can do to recapture them - you have thrown them all away, and no amount of kicking, screaming or complaining can bring them back...
Gone are the days where you could simply up-root and move on to another... no one wants you now! You have abandoned every single person who ever held you close; you have stabbed them with ingratitude and insisted that they stay far from you. You, in your idle dreams of grandeur and affluence, have chosen to forsake the love freely offered to you, regardless of your appearance or social status! You have thrown away the one person who would have stood by you, when even your lovers would not! When you were polluting their worlds with your hateful propaganda, they turned their backs on you and left you to your own devices. You claimed you didn't care - you didn't need them anyway... What was it you used to say? I think it went along the lines of:
"Blood may be thicker than water, but you can't get water from a stone either..."
You didn't seem to understand that I am someone you should have known better! You should have known that I loved you more than you loved your new life and friends, those friends who, as you sit in your solitary contemplation, have abandoned you and left you for dead.
Even now you refuse to hear what I have to say! Can’t you see who I am? Do you no longer recognise me? Do you no longer give a damn? Why do I mean so little to you, even after everything that you have been through, that I have been through… that we have been through together? I loved you enough to say by your side, when everyone else around you turned swiftly back on their heels and fled! Why do you no longer look me in the eyes? Is it because you cannot, or because you will not?
Please talk to me. It is only your voice I wish to hear, it is only you I wish to see. I would not be here if this were not the case. You know that I speak honestly, that I am truthful this far into my account. You know that I am only here because I love you and for no other purpose than that. But if you want to waste what remains of your life in this cold prison cell you have created for yourself, then I will leave… and if you wish, I will never come back. I will never come knocking on your door, never send you letters or songs. I will not even acknowledge my relationship with you – you will be as foreign to me, as any other stranger on the street, and I will not stop to tell you the time, nor apologise if I bump into you as I walk past. You will no longer exist in my world, and I shall no longer exist in yours… if this is really what you want. I promise you that it won’t be easy. I’ll never be able to replace you, but if you want, I’ll leave you and it can be as though I never was born, and you never gave birth. I will weep for all that we’ve lost, and you can forget me – pretend that I never existed to begin with. At least one of us will then be contented…
Perhaps I am not the dream child you had always wished for, but I am nothing to be ashamed of either! I know that you cannot accept my affiliations, and that my past relationships with other women sicken you to the very core of your dark little heart, but if you could only move beyond that part of me! If you could only see all the wonderful things that I am achieving with my life! If you could only learn to accept me for the person that I am, and not that which you perceive me to be! Maybe I sicken you, but I am who I am and I cannot change myself to fit some sort of predestined life that you’d planned out for me before I was even conceived! I am a free entity, and I am going to do what is right by me, first and foremost! If you cannot accept that, then perhaps it is best that you leave me, because what kind of mother cannot accept that choice that her own daughter makes?
How dare you imply that I am the hypocrite in this conversation! How dare you say such slanderous things, when it is you who is intolerant of everything I do and say! You hate my friends and drive them from me! You claim that you are more important that they are, and that they will not be there when I fall to my knees. You are wrong! I am not like you! I do not base my life around the bank balances of those I am supposed to treasure! I do not impugn my own family for downfalls in my life that I myself created! You cannot shift the blame to me, because I will not take it any more! If you want to go, then go, but do not blame me for your leaving, because it is a choice that you yourself freely make, and I will have no part in anything that happens to you after that decision has been made…
Gone are the days where you could simply up-root and move on to another... no one wants you now! You have abandoned every single person who ever held you close; you have stabbed them with ingratitude and insisted that they stay far from you. You, in your idle dreams of grandeur and affluence, have chosen to forsake the love freely offered to you, regardless of your appearance or social status! You have thrown away the one person who would have stood by you, when even your lovers would not! When you were polluting their worlds with your hateful propaganda, they turned their backs on you and left you to your own devices. You claimed you didn't care - you didn't need them anyway... What was it you used to say? I think it went along the lines of:
"Blood may be thicker than water, but you can't get water from a stone either..."
You didn't seem to understand that I am someone you should have known better! You should have known that I loved you more than you loved your new life and friends, those friends who, as you sit in your solitary contemplation, have abandoned you and left you for dead.
Even now you refuse to hear what I have to say! Can’t you see who I am? Do you no longer recognise me? Do you no longer give a damn? Why do I mean so little to you, even after everything that you have been through, that I have been through… that we have been through together? I loved you enough to say by your side, when everyone else around you turned swiftly back on their heels and fled! Why do you no longer look me in the eyes? Is it because you cannot, or because you will not?
Please talk to me. It is only your voice I wish to hear, it is only you I wish to see. I would not be here if this were not the case. You know that I speak honestly, that I am truthful this far into my account. You know that I am only here because I love you and for no other purpose than that. But if you want to waste what remains of your life in this cold prison cell you have created for yourself, then I will leave… and if you wish, I will never come back. I will never come knocking on your door, never send you letters or songs. I will not even acknowledge my relationship with you – you will be as foreign to me, as any other stranger on the street, and I will not stop to tell you the time, nor apologise if I bump into you as I walk past. You will no longer exist in my world, and I shall no longer exist in yours… if this is really what you want. I promise you that it won’t be easy. I’ll never be able to replace you, but if you want, I’ll leave you and it can be as though I never was born, and you never gave birth. I will weep for all that we’ve lost, and you can forget me – pretend that I never existed to begin with. At least one of us will then be contented…
Perhaps I am not the dream child you had always wished for, but I am nothing to be ashamed of either! I know that you cannot accept my affiliations, and that my past relationships with other women sicken you to the very core of your dark little heart, but if you could only move beyond that part of me! If you could only see all the wonderful things that I am achieving with my life! If you could only learn to accept me for the person that I am, and not that which you perceive me to be! Maybe I sicken you, but I am who I am and I cannot change myself to fit some sort of predestined life that you’d planned out for me before I was even conceived! I am a free entity, and I am going to do what is right by me, first and foremost! If you cannot accept that, then perhaps it is best that you leave me, because what kind of mother cannot accept that choice that her own daughter makes?
How dare you imply that I am the hypocrite in this conversation! How dare you say such slanderous things, when it is you who is intolerant of everything I do and say! You hate my friends and drive them from me! You claim that you are more important that they are, and that they will not be there when I fall to my knees. You are wrong! I am not like you! I do not base my life around the bank balances of those I am supposed to treasure! I do not impugn my own family for downfalls in my life that I myself created! You cannot shift the blame to me, because I will not take it any more! If you want to go, then go, but do not blame me for your leaving, because it is a choice that you yourself freely make, and I will have no part in anything that happens to you after that decision has been made…
