ForTheRush
Bluelighter
At some point in time I realized I was a goon. It was a harsh realization. Its just that society as a whole dose'nt understand goonisim. What is a goon you ask? Well im in no position to elaborate, having just so recently come to terms with my affliction. All I know is this- while your out there carrying on with your busy lives, bouncing from appointment, to date, to engagement, to arrangment, im sitting here knee deep in estrangment. Now I did'nt mean that ryme -that wasnt an intentional ryme- it was my inner goon longing to be heard. You see it was just one of those feeble attempts, made, by my inner goon. I figure the more i say the word "goon" or any combination of phrases containing the word "goon" the closer i will be to baiting my inner goon out of hiding. Not unlike how they do it in AA, "Hi, my name is Ed, and I AM a goon" Its liberating in its own goonish way. The trick of the goon is simple, a good goon may throw rocks at your window, or tie severed animal parts to your pant leg as your napping on a park bench, but he will never approach you and say "look buddy, im a goon, lets do this" Its just too direct, and if you yourself approach the goon, being totally resonable here people, maybe something like "I don't appreciate the tying of animal parts to my leg, its just not sanitary" the goon will look you in the eye, totally straight face on here people, and say "surley you must be mistaken sir, I would never do such a dreadful thing and i hope the offeneder is reprimanded swiftly and harshly" and trust me, it will be so convincing you wont be able to help but shake his hand and issue some kind, departing words. Thats the insidiousness of the goon, like the smell of dogshit in a crowded room, you can never pinpoint his exact location, and we all know that is sometimes even more annoying than the smell itself. We as humans like to maintain the illusion of control, and when someone deffaces our myspace with lewd comments, it deeply angers us, even if it is some nameless, faceless goon out there in cyber space, witty and smug in a dark basement with a bad case of scoliosis, or carpal tunnel, a spine like a collapsed steel structure or some fancy italian architecture, all weird confusing angles that hurt your eyes and drain you of your blood pressure medicine supplies. Someone so eloquent on the computer but so inept in any given social situations its like a mime sewn to a talk show host being beaten with a blunt object. Someone who most likley has your top 7 memorized and who uses the witty phrases that YOU yourself thought up ALL BY YOURSELF to make himself seem cool at bus stops or in grocery lines, well, ITS JUST TOO MUCH!!!! SO I SAY ONTO YOU, fellows of the net, children of the ones and zeroes (wich lose their meaning when spelled out) renounce your inner goon and join me for a walk in the woods up to a pile of washing machines, where we will engage in target practice and consume VAST quantities of corn liquor (and maybe do something cool with road flares that i havent figured out yet) but please, just remember ,gentle souls, when the hour is 2, then 3, then 4, and your retnas are strained to the point of collapse, please, before your pupils fold into themselves like 2 little dying stars, remember that you are alive, and you should probably get up and move around for like, 30 minutes and maybe make a sandwich......
