Unhappiness is making my "journey" hell

[Corazon]

I've been disabled for 12 years since I was 23 years old. Up until that catastrophic health event I was healthy and fit, had a good social life, lots of friends, girlfriends, etc...
For the past 12 years I have had almost zero social life, and almost zero friends and girlfriends, and my fitness has been relatively shitty.
I haven't used opiates(wow.. I temporarily felt good before the downward cycle) for 8 years.
I currently have zero friends, zero girlfriends, and it has been a long cold winter of being indoors.

I have started to earn good money, and I know that in 6 months time I will at least have enough disposable income that I will have some significant social life going on. And it's also only about one month until the weather stops being shitty (Hooray for walking in circles at the park in sunshine ).

In the meantime I have to stop being fucking miserable. I am extremely HATEFUL and ANGRY towards my life situation. I feel like I have completely missed out on life, and continue to do so. I have an icky aura that is like a combo of intense angry frustration combined with a healthy dose of negative-body-image. I almost never feel good/relaxed/in rhythm.

I need to just "buck up", and be happy that my life will improve in 6 months or so and EMBRACE THE PROCESS. I get it. It's logical. But 90% of the time I'm fucking miserable??

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Corazon.. sorry you have had this struggle.. in every situation there are infinite ways to choose to look at everything. It might be helpful if you start to practice seeking out and finding the positive in everything. I decided a year and a half ago that I was going to stop judging anything as good or bad. At first it started out as kinda a idealistic experiment but when it began to work it has now become one of the strongest principles I base my thought on. As I started to do this it took some real effort.. as soon as I was starting to feal down, or upset I would take a step back and ask myself how I was making myself miserable, that is where was my mistake in thought that I was making to drive myself nuts, then I would make the necessary adjustments to re establish peace in my mind. Over this little bit of time it has become more and more a part of my normal core thinking and thus I dont have to put nearly as much effort into it as when i first started out. You may want to try and do this your self and I hope you will find it as great a life changing idea as I did.

We have so little control over so much of life, but we have total control over how we choose to perceive what comes at us in life. Its kinda amazing when we stop judging things as good or bad then bad things kinda stop happening. Then if we choose to seek out the little amazing parts that we miss by deciding to have a bad day then we can start to have amazing days all the time.

The very best luck in getting back to the socialization.

 

[Maya]

Corazon, as you have known, I was having a really hard time this week because of work but it all passed. Everything that we experience, suffering etc will pass. It is just how life is, ups and downs, ups and downs but like what NSA said it is up to us to find happiness for ourselves. Maybe you will have an awesome time in a few months you just never know. Even at the point where I am really stressed out and unhappy I know that my hardwork will pay off so hang in there my friend I am always here if you need someone to talk too

 

[herbavore]

Corazon, I think mindfulness could help you. There are classes offered everywhere these days--hospitals, community centers, Buddhist centers, online, books. Yes, it is a current media fad, but there is a depth available that I have found personally very useful. Feeling angry at the "unfairness" of life (your accident) is a natural reaction but a terrible hell to be stuck in--after all, it changes absolutely nothing but heaps misery on top of an already difficult reality. rather than trying not to feel angry--what about trying to welcoming it as a necessary emotional vent and then letting it go each time you feel it. Over time, it holds less sway in your mind because you are not attaching so much judgment and importance to it.

 

[Corazon]

Corazon, I think mindfulness could help you. There are classes offered everywhere these days--hospitals, community centers, Buddhist centers, online, books. Yes, it is a current media fad, but there is a depth available that I have found personally very useful. Feeling angry at the "unfairness" of life (your accident) is a natural reaction but a terrible hell to be stuck in--after all, it changes absolutely nothing but heaps misery on top of an already difficult reality. rather than trying not to feel angry--what about trying to welcoming it as a necessary emotional vent and then letting it go each time you feel it. Over time, it holds less sway in your mind because you are not attaching so much judgment and importance to it.

Thanks for the replies guys.
Some of this advice makes sense, and I am going to re-read it again.

For now, I am trying to gain discipline and self-control over my life and health, and attempt to harness my energy into a FOCUS towards my goals. Hopefully I will grow into being a happier person, or at least I'll be so busy and driven that I will have my mind on more positive things.