BIGsherm7272
Bluelighter
First off, I want to preface this by stating that while I have been a member of BL for over 5 years, and for several of them was a regular visitor to this wonderful source of very informative knowledge on a wide variety of subjects, ranging from support forums, to the always entertaining Lounge, but most importantly of all the vast amount of information pertaining the use of psychoactive substance of all forms, ranging from personal anecdotes to complex subjects, such as advanced pharmacology discussion and perhaps life-saving harm-reductions techniques and general knowledge, which has more than likely aided millions of people to maintain a healthier and more informed way of consuming substances of their liking.
This site is the greatest source of knowledge (at least for the general public) for many of these topics, some very taboo and some that show brilliance in all different forms. I am glad to see that after a 3 year-hiatus that not too much has changed, which IMO is just fantastic. I would also like to apologize if this is not the correct forum for this type of question/discussion. If so, mods please feel free to move to the appropriate discussion area.
With that out of the way, please bear with me as I am coming down from 100mg of instant release amphetamine (prescribed for legitimate conditions), some of which I may have taken a little too late (guess that's the addict in me). While I do not feel bad whatsoever, I may not make too much sense at times but I will try my best. I appreciate any insight or feedback.
Little bit of my background: Heavily addicted to many substances, mainly opiates, from 2009-2013. Decided I wanted a better life for myself and made a choice to go to treatment in April of 2014. Best decision I have ever made. While I still had some struggles from then until now, my overall quality of life and sanity is not even comparable to what it was. That being said, in part of the after-math of my disease and the path I went down, I pretty much destroyed my life. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have been in the process of trying fix clean up this mess I created and try to find some kind of peace within myself. So I sought the services of a therapist and private psychiatrist.
Sorry if I strayed too much from my initial question here, just kinda reflecting upon some things. Anyways, After many medication changes, and partially due to losing my health insurance and no longer being able to afford the crazy prices that my current meds would fetch, I had to go off them for couple months, which was tough, but I managed. I am diagnosed as Bipolar 2 with mainly depressive features, Social Anxiety, severe chronic insomnia/hypersomnia, and to top it off ADHD. I was able to save enough money to pay cash to see my psychiatrist (they are pretty understanding of current financial woes and are willing to work with you). $75 seemed very reasonable for a specialty doctor office visit, heck my copay would hve been $45 with insurance anyways.
So I was initially on Vyvanse 70mg for ADHD and EDS due to newly diagnosed severe sleep apnea, Seroquel 200mg for insomnia, Propanolol 20mg for anxiety and benzo withdrawal symptom control (prescription/not abused), and Latuda 80mg for BP2. Initially all was great, vyvanse is an amazing medication and helped with my EDS/ADHD significantly. Seroquel worked like charm for sleep, but at the unfortunate trade-off of me gaining 50lbs in 3 months (keep in mind I had already went from 250lb to 300lb in years span from Remeron prior to this), which became a huge concern due to my overall amount of health conditions (asthma/heart condition/highBP/Cholesterol issues/and undiagnosed hypothyroidism that improved many of these after treatment began), and the fact the my depression and having never had any form of self esteem in my life would mean that treating my insomnia outweighed treating the actual causes of most of my mental and physical issues.
So after 3 months of no meds due to no insurance, I got to see him finally and we agree that we need to make some changes, being price-conscious of the medication we choose. So I end up on Adderall IR 20mg BID, Topiramate to be titrated from 25mg-100mg over the course of 2 months (for aiding weight loss and treating my bipolar depression, which is somewhat mild), and the medication in question: Temazepam 30mg QD at bedtime.
My doctor is aware of my past addiction issues, and that I would like to void benzos if possible, but we agreed for me to take this for no longer than a month, and we have a good, honest relationship so I trust his judgement and he trusts my usge of my prescriptions. So finally to the ever-so elusive and desired temazepam (at least from what I had read on this site and others.):
I do have a history with benzo use, at first was sporadic, maybe few times a month, and was mainly xanax, with klonopin coming in a few years down the road. Oh and some valium too. I loved me some diazepam. At equipotent doses Diazepam was the standard in benzos for me. It was a perfect anxiolytic, muscle relaxant, and euphoric substance. In fact, it was the only benzo that met more than one or two of those criteria at a time, and it was the standard that I compared every other benzo to. Need to stop severe panic attack in its tracks or end a horrifying trip quickly? Xanax, no competition. Anxiety that persists all day and trying to avoid to much redosing and sedation? Klonopin seems to be the most efficient at this without making one feel too drugged up, if at all. Haven't tried a bunch or other ones, but I'm sure some come close or may even match or yet even be superior to valium. Only downside to valium is very short duration of therapeutic effects, despite having a 200+ half-life. Solution? Take more. I think I may have finally found one to dethrone the all-mighty Prince Valium. But if you would have asked me last night, I would have told you go take a real benzo and come back.
I am prescribed 30mg, which is about the highest recommended dose, which I found out is roughly equivalent to 0.75mg of the King of the true anxiolytics, Alprazolam. Just as little as a few months ago, I need over 3mg of clonazepam for a decent therapeutic effect. Naturally I thought shit, so much for sleeping tonight or getting anything out of the worthless script. I also want to note I was just started on topiramate 25mg the same night, about an hour before taking any temaz. If this had an effect or not, at first I was skeptical, but after tonight that query has been thrown out the window. I ended up taking 30mg on the first night, waited and hour, nothing, took another 30mg, yet again, nothing. Was starting to feel pretty bummed, mainly that I had taken Adderall earlier and was counting on the temaz to work its glorious magic, and if not with sleep, at least with the anxiety from the comedown. After pretty much giving up, I took a 3rd a final one for the night, and about after laying in bed for 2 hours, I began to feel what resembled a dose of around 2mg of klonopin. While I thought it was efficient, I was at least glad I felt something.
Fast forward to tonight. Consumed 100mg Adderall between 2pm-12am, IR, mostly orally and a couple nasally. Since I had not taken a dose like that in few months, I knew the inevitable crash from hell was approaching. So in desperation I reached for my temazepam and kinda said "Please just get me out of this and you will served your purpose". I took 60mg at once, and 20mg of propanolol, as well as my usual paranoid cocktail or vitamins/aspirin/ibuprofen/benadryl/melatonin/and plenty of fluids, and then began my wait for hell to show its nasty face. But quite the opposite occured. After about 30 minutes, I felt the most euphoric feeling that any benzo has ever granted me before. I was very lush, comedown completely fucking annihilated/nonexistant, and an overwhelming sense of joy and peace, with empathy and feelings of inner peace that had a MDMA'esque property to them. 4 hours later, and I'm still fucking great. I believe it actually triggered a very mild hypomanic episode, which for me are actually and get out of jail free card from the own prison I created in my own mind. It was very enlightening, and I finally have found something even greater than the once untouchable Diazepam. It also was a cautionary tale, as I now can only begin to understand the addictive potential of these "make-life-much-much-better" pills.
So my questions regarding the experience and temazepam in general are,
1. Is it common for your body to take a couple days before the medication works as intended, such as can be the case with many with cannabis?
2. Just exactly how addictive is this benzo vs others, especially in the psychological department?
3. Should I stop while I'm ahead? I never want to experience benzo withdrawals again, but god damn, temazepam sure is making me not give a flying fuck about using restraint with it, kinda like its saying "You know you re going fucking take the whole month's prescription in a week and not give a fuck because it is so fucking awesome?
4. Has anyone had any similar experiences, especially with it taking 2 days to start working, and does anyone have any cautionary tales/trainwrecks involving the substance that I probably need to hear? Also some tips for safe consumption, such as safe dosing, what not to combine with, how long to take it for, etc.
Sorry for all my rambling, probably just a product of how fucking good I feel despite no sleep after tons of adderall. Fucking top tier substance, no doubts.
This site is the greatest source of knowledge (at least for the general public) for many of these topics, some very taboo and some that show brilliance in all different forms. I am glad to see that after a 3 year-hiatus that not too much has changed, which IMO is just fantastic. I would also like to apologize if this is not the correct forum for this type of question/discussion. If so, mods please feel free to move to the appropriate discussion area.
With that out of the way, please bear with me as I am coming down from 100mg of instant release amphetamine (prescribed for legitimate conditions), some of which I may have taken a little too late (guess that's the addict in me). While I do not feel bad whatsoever, I may not make too much sense at times but I will try my best. I appreciate any insight or feedback.
Little bit of my background: Heavily addicted to many substances, mainly opiates, from 2009-2013. Decided I wanted a better life for myself and made a choice to go to treatment in April of 2014. Best decision I have ever made. While I still had some struggles from then until now, my overall quality of life and sanity is not even comparable to what it was. That being said, in part of the after-math of my disease and the path I went down, I pretty much destroyed my life. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have been in the process of trying fix clean up this mess I created and try to find some kind of peace within myself. So I sought the services of a therapist and private psychiatrist.
Sorry if I strayed too much from my initial question here, just kinda reflecting upon some things. Anyways, After many medication changes, and partially due to losing my health insurance and no longer being able to afford the crazy prices that my current meds would fetch, I had to go off them for couple months, which was tough, but I managed. I am diagnosed as Bipolar 2 with mainly depressive features, Social Anxiety, severe chronic insomnia/hypersomnia, and to top it off ADHD. I was able to save enough money to pay cash to see my psychiatrist (they are pretty understanding of current financial woes and are willing to work with you). $75 seemed very reasonable for a specialty doctor office visit, heck my copay would hve been $45 with insurance anyways.
So I was initially on Vyvanse 70mg for ADHD and EDS due to newly diagnosed severe sleep apnea, Seroquel 200mg for insomnia, Propanolol 20mg for anxiety and benzo withdrawal symptom control (prescription/not abused), and Latuda 80mg for BP2. Initially all was great, vyvanse is an amazing medication and helped with my EDS/ADHD significantly. Seroquel worked like charm for sleep, but at the unfortunate trade-off of me gaining 50lbs in 3 months (keep in mind I had already went from 250lb to 300lb in years span from Remeron prior to this), which became a huge concern due to my overall amount of health conditions (asthma/heart condition/highBP/Cholesterol issues/and undiagnosed hypothyroidism that improved many of these after treatment began), and the fact the my depression and having never had any form of self esteem in my life would mean that treating my insomnia outweighed treating the actual causes of most of my mental and physical issues.
So after 3 months of no meds due to no insurance, I got to see him finally and we agree that we need to make some changes, being price-conscious of the medication we choose. So I end up on Adderall IR 20mg BID, Topiramate to be titrated from 25mg-100mg over the course of 2 months (for aiding weight loss and treating my bipolar depression, which is somewhat mild), and the medication in question: Temazepam 30mg QD at bedtime.
My doctor is aware of my past addiction issues, and that I would like to void benzos if possible, but we agreed for me to take this for no longer than a month, and we have a good, honest relationship so I trust his judgement and he trusts my usge of my prescriptions. So finally to the ever-so elusive and desired temazepam (at least from what I had read on this site and others.):
I do have a history with benzo use, at first was sporadic, maybe few times a month, and was mainly xanax, with klonopin coming in a few years down the road. Oh and some valium too. I loved me some diazepam. At equipotent doses Diazepam was the standard in benzos for me. It was a perfect anxiolytic, muscle relaxant, and euphoric substance. In fact, it was the only benzo that met more than one or two of those criteria at a time, and it was the standard that I compared every other benzo to. Need to stop severe panic attack in its tracks or end a horrifying trip quickly? Xanax, no competition. Anxiety that persists all day and trying to avoid to much redosing and sedation? Klonopin seems to be the most efficient at this without making one feel too drugged up, if at all. Haven't tried a bunch or other ones, but I'm sure some come close or may even match or yet even be superior to valium. Only downside to valium is very short duration of therapeutic effects, despite having a 200+ half-life. Solution? Take more. I think I may have finally found one to dethrone the all-mighty Prince Valium. But if you would have asked me last night, I would have told you go take a real benzo and come back.
I am prescribed 30mg, which is about the highest recommended dose, which I found out is roughly equivalent to 0.75mg of the King of the true anxiolytics, Alprazolam. Just as little as a few months ago, I need over 3mg of clonazepam for a decent therapeutic effect. Naturally I thought shit, so much for sleeping tonight or getting anything out of the worthless script. I also want to note I was just started on topiramate 25mg the same night, about an hour before taking any temaz. If this had an effect or not, at first I was skeptical, but after tonight that query has been thrown out the window. I ended up taking 30mg on the first night, waited and hour, nothing, took another 30mg, yet again, nothing. Was starting to feel pretty bummed, mainly that I had taken Adderall earlier and was counting on the temaz to work its glorious magic, and if not with sleep, at least with the anxiety from the comedown. After pretty much giving up, I took a 3rd a final one for the night, and about after laying in bed for 2 hours, I began to feel what resembled a dose of around 2mg of klonopin. While I thought it was efficient, I was at least glad I felt something.
Fast forward to tonight. Consumed 100mg Adderall between 2pm-12am, IR, mostly orally and a couple nasally. Since I had not taken a dose like that in few months, I knew the inevitable crash from hell was approaching. So in desperation I reached for my temazepam and kinda said "Please just get me out of this and you will served your purpose". I took 60mg at once, and 20mg of propanolol, as well as my usual paranoid cocktail or vitamins/aspirin/ibuprofen/benadryl/melatonin/and plenty of fluids, and then began my wait for hell to show its nasty face. But quite the opposite occured. After about 30 minutes, I felt the most euphoric feeling that any benzo has ever granted me before. I was very lush, comedown completely fucking annihilated/nonexistant, and an overwhelming sense of joy and peace, with empathy and feelings of inner peace that had a MDMA'esque property to them. 4 hours later, and I'm still fucking great. I believe it actually triggered a very mild hypomanic episode, which for me are actually and get out of jail free card from the own prison I created in my own mind. It was very enlightening, and I finally have found something even greater than the once untouchable Diazepam. It also was a cautionary tale, as I now can only begin to understand the addictive potential of these "make-life-much-much-better" pills.
So my questions regarding the experience and temazepam in general are,
1. Is it common for your body to take a couple days before the medication works as intended, such as can be the case with many with cannabis?
2. Just exactly how addictive is this benzo vs others, especially in the psychological department?
3. Should I stop while I'm ahead? I never want to experience benzo withdrawals again, but god damn, temazepam sure is making me not give a flying fuck about using restraint with it, kinda like its saying "You know you re going fucking take the whole month's prescription in a week and not give a fuck because it is so fucking awesome?
4. Has anyone had any similar experiences, especially with it taking 2 days to start working, and does anyone have any cautionary tales/trainwrecks involving the substance that I probably need to hear? Also some tips for safe consumption, such as safe dosing, what not to combine with, how long to take it for, etc.
Sorry for all my rambling, probably just a product of how fucking good I feel despite no sleep after tons of adderall. Fucking top tier substance, no doubts.