Too much has happened, but haven't had a chance to really write. I finally got a direct connect, thank Christ. This way, I'll deal with way less bullshit. This dude has had some primo shit, and natually the week I have time to kick it and enjoy, I start feeling shortness of breath like I used to get from not eating enough. It's true, I've not eaten hardly anything, although I always have a couple of Slim Fast shakes and 1 or 2 nurtritious candy bars. Today, I guess my body rebelled, and in spite of the fact I DID eat a couple of TV dinners today, this feeling of low blood sugar stays with me and when it does, makes it almost impossible to get high. I stopped by McD's for 3 cheese burgers to have one 2nite and 2 tomorrow in order that I quit the shortness of breath, light headedness, and dizziness.
It's just that eating is such a CHORE on the shit. Anyway, I'm flattered that so many people on AFF gave me 10 million compliments on my looks. The thing is though, when I stop and think about it, I freeze up when I ask myself is this what I really want. Hell do I even want Brendan anymore? Maybe not. Maybe I finally have this sex thing out of my system, although truthfully I would love someone romantic and sweet to hold on occasion. I love the drugs. They make me so happy and so creative when I'm allowed to be left alone to write, my favorite place in the whole world t0 be. I got my creative poetry ability back on a couple occasions, finally, but I didn't write them down. Still, the stories, the music, the songs, the scripts are all there in my mind, they only ever come out under the influence. Sigh.
It's just that eating is such a CHORE on the shit. Anyway, I'm flattered that so many people on AFF gave me 10 million compliments on my looks. The thing is though, when I stop and think about it, I freeze up when I ask myself is this what I really want. Hell do I even want Brendan anymore? Maybe not. Maybe I finally have this sex thing out of my system, although truthfully I would love someone romantic and sweet to hold on occasion. I love the drugs. They make me so happy and so creative when I'm allowed to be left alone to write, my favorite place in the whole world t0 be. I got my creative poetry ability back on a couple occasions, finally, but I didn't write them down. Still, the stories, the music, the songs, the scripts are all there in my mind, they only ever come out under the influence. Sigh.