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typed originally on phone sms - but didnt get past 160 character limit

papermate

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 26, 2002
Messages
1,475
Location
Sydney
<<<<< i really have no idea why i decided to create this, let alone let anybody else in the world aware of these thoughts.>>>>>
".....maybe someday i will find the inner peace that i long for, there are breif moments in time that i have felt such bliss, but alas, tonight i feel sad. i feel dispassionate, anxious, concious that i am going through life, going through the motions. But worst of all i do not feel alive despite the extraodinary achievments i have made......"
".........my desire to share my happiness with someone - anyone - is plagued by either my own sense of selfish supremacy or an incomprehensable lack of emotional and spiritual connection with those that i desire the most. i should feel lucky, i do not have the physically disadvantages of someone in a wheelchair or a bind man perhaps. like most of us, the good is almost always not good enough......."
"...but such is life. and ironically as difficult as it is to be happy, it is just as impossible for me to feel profoundly sad. depression and ecstasy seem to be more of a concept - intellectually understood with complete clarity - yet strangley not felt inside my heart. with a numb sense of optimism i press on in life, desperately clutching for those moments....."
"Where has the love gone?"
 
"...but such is life. and ironically as difficult as it is to be happy, it is just as impossible for me to feel profoundly sad. depression and ecstasy seem to be more of a concept - intellectually understood with complete clarity - yet strangley not felt inside my heart. with a numb sense of optimism i press on in life, desperately clutching for those moments....."
boy do i know that well...
i really liked this, and identified with it all too well. keep it up, there are moments where the emotion breaks through, ive found a few anyway, albeit those moments are rare, the rarity just makes them that much more special. at least thats what i tell myself, trying to ignore how inversely it makes the moments of emptiness that much more worse... lifes a balance.
-ant
 
The funny thing about this is that was written in a moment totally non-influenced by pharmacuitical aids.
I appreciate the post of indentifying, for some reason it gives me a sense of.... - i do not know what - .... that someone else out there understands what i am saying.
I just hope that you also were not under the influence of substances because that would just ruin the moment wouldn't it??
[ 12 March 2003: Message edited by: papermate ]
 
Originally posted by papermate:

".....maybe someday i will find the inner peace that i long for, there are breif moments in time that i have felt such bliss, but alas, tonight i feel sad. i feel dispassionate, anxious, concious that i am going through life, going through the motions. But worst of all i do not feel alive despite the extraodinary achievments i have made......"

I feel so scared that I'm just letting life float on by... yet what am I doing to change it?!?
great piece papermate... really has given me some food for thought.
[ 13 March 2003: Message edited by: katmeow ]
 
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