I have no idea why I had to urge to write this up, but here goes.
This trip occurred give or take a year ago and reminded me yet again that psychedelics are far more influenced by set and setting than they are dosage. At this point in my life I was eating at least 150ug's of LSD, at least every seven days and had been doing so for perhaps a month or two. At the time I really wasn't aware of how far away from objective reality I had strayed, I thought I was closer to the truth than ever. DMT took care of that but that's a whole other story.
Anyway this particular night marks one of the most intensely emotional experiences of my life. I was with my girlfriend and my freind A, who after this night was my cosmic brother from another mother. We had always been the best and silliest of buddies amongst a wider group, but this was when we realised things had gotten deeper than either of us realised.
He was set to move to Melbourne in a few months, and neither of us were happy about it, in fact we were utterly miserable and had decided to head up to his parents coast house for the weekend just the three of us. The intention I'm sure was to take acid and ride the wave, so he ate a cookie with a drop of liquid LSD, and I consumed a single tab. I had experience with these particular boards, they were strong but I would never had anticipated this experience.
The beginning of the trip was typical. Lots of bongs, and music on the comeup, and eventually we settle in watching live TV in hysterics as well as utter confusion. Live Australian television on acid really does feel like there's this weird alien spewing shit into the room. The ads are particularly abrasive on your psychic senses, so we proceeded to smoke weed and relay our odd interpretations and thoughts of the crap we were watching. We also watched Friends for a while which wasn't exactly anything, just very strange. This went on for a while, with some over the top visuals I wasn't expecting such as the violently coiling and breathing walls, the hanging roof light vortexing into the roof, and I could barely make out anything on the television except faces for what seemed like a very long time.
Then my girlfriend went to bed and we were left on our own, so we decided to roll a big spliff and walk down to the beach. This was when things began to get very intense. The beach was pitch black, there was no moon in the sky and and the torch was attracting bugs and a lot of them. With the over exaggerated aspect of the acid it really seemed like there was some sort of cosmic jester who always remained in the dark, shooting party poppers full of bugs at us from every direction.
We decided to sit and face the light away but still so we could see. We smoked the joint and looked at the stars and talked about a bunch of different stuff which I don't remember any of, all I remember was decaying bodies all around me in the sand. Piles and piles of them like you would expect at the Holocaust melting into and out of the sand all around us. I wanted to discuss this unusually morbid manifestation with A but was paranoid that I would freak him out or trigger him into intense visuals. Normally he doesn't get them at all, I get very pronounced visuals and in the past I have mentioned what I'm seeing and influenced his visuals by suggesting the idea.
I have a distinct memory I stumbling down the beach in total confusion. We had both hit the peak and we still hadn't discussed the elephant in the room. The LSD was in full force and we were literally trying to run away from our problems together on the beach in pitch black, with bugs being catapulted at us by the cosmic jester of insectoid party poppers. Eventually we came across a giant rock wall, which to me was an amalgamated Golem like face made of triangular fractals. It was too dark to continue. We had gotten to the rocky shore and the tide was in, we definitely weren't going to climb them.
We head home and decide to listen to some music and chill out on the balcony. We chose Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, which proved both a huge mistake and a potentially life changing decision.
Right about the time we got to the title track of the album, we could no longer avoid the elephant in the room. First we beat around the bush of the issue at hand and discussed our other friends who were to be moving away, how much we were going to miss them. What a crazy time in our life we were at. How much everything was changing around us and how little power we felt to control it. Then we got straight into the muck and acknowledge out loud that he was going to be moving away in a matter of months. That we probably not see each other more than a few times in the next four or five years.
The lyrics pierced me, the view of the trees was bright orange and red riddled with lizards and scorpions, burning into me and constricting me until I could no longer take it. I broke and started silently weeping. I didn't want to cry for some reason, normally I'm the guy who just lets it out, I'm overly emotional and I don't hold it in but this was too painful to feel.
I was avoiding it at every turn but the acid made it undeniable. It was doing that thing that LSD is so damn good at doing, showing me my deepest, darkest, most repressed fears, forcing me to accept them no matter how I kick, screamed, fought or denied. I had no control, and I had to accept it and I let the music wash over me. At this point my tears are puddling all over the balcony and I am stuck in a tryptamine cycle. I cannot speak, I want to yell out to A but I simply cannot speak. I can only weep.
A breaks the cycle and says something, not even realising I was a total mess. He pretty quickly caught on, and we acknowledged it. He didn't cry, but I didn't care I was just a mess. I turned down the Pink Floyd which was just a little too possesive of my emotions, and started to calm down. I realised I needed to piss and went off to the toilet, getting beautiful purple tracers and fractals all over the room. When I returned A was in the same place I was in just moments ago.
He told me that he had seen a horrible commercial which graphically depicted birds rotting corpses with the plastic in their stomach that had killed them. He later told me he felt emotionally dead or something along these lines for not crying with me, but I know he felt what I felt, my trigger was the Floyd, his was the graphic depiction of the horrific destruction of nature at the hands of mankind.
Long story short (lol?) he didn't end up moving away. We're still brothers from another mother and things have changed since then, and changed and changed and changed again.
Change is inevitable. I truly learned that this night.
This trip occurred give or take a year ago and reminded me yet again that psychedelics are far more influenced by set and setting than they are dosage. At this point in my life I was eating at least 150ug's of LSD, at least every seven days and had been doing so for perhaps a month or two. At the time I really wasn't aware of how far away from objective reality I had strayed, I thought I was closer to the truth than ever. DMT took care of that but that's a whole other story.
Anyway this particular night marks one of the most intensely emotional experiences of my life. I was with my girlfriend and my freind A, who after this night was my cosmic brother from another mother. We had always been the best and silliest of buddies amongst a wider group, but this was when we realised things had gotten deeper than either of us realised.
He was set to move to Melbourne in a few months, and neither of us were happy about it, in fact we were utterly miserable and had decided to head up to his parents coast house for the weekend just the three of us. The intention I'm sure was to take acid and ride the wave, so he ate a cookie with a drop of liquid LSD, and I consumed a single tab. I had experience with these particular boards, they were strong but I would never had anticipated this experience.
The beginning of the trip was typical. Lots of bongs, and music on the comeup, and eventually we settle in watching live TV in hysterics as well as utter confusion. Live Australian television on acid really does feel like there's this weird alien spewing shit into the room. The ads are particularly abrasive on your psychic senses, so we proceeded to smoke weed and relay our odd interpretations and thoughts of the crap we were watching. We also watched Friends for a while which wasn't exactly anything, just very strange. This went on for a while, with some over the top visuals I wasn't expecting such as the violently coiling and breathing walls, the hanging roof light vortexing into the roof, and I could barely make out anything on the television except faces for what seemed like a very long time.
Then my girlfriend went to bed and we were left on our own, so we decided to roll a big spliff and walk down to the beach. This was when things began to get very intense. The beach was pitch black, there was no moon in the sky and and the torch was attracting bugs and a lot of them. With the over exaggerated aspect of the acid it really seemed like there was some sort of cosmic jester who always remained in the dark, shooting party poppers full of bugs at us from every direction.
We decided to sit and face the light away but still so we could see. We smoked the joint and looked at the stars and talked about a bunch of different stuff which I don't remember any of, all I remember was decaying bodies all around me in the sand. Piles and piles of them like you would expect at the Holocaust melting into and out of the sand all around us. I wanted to discuss this unusually morbid manifestation with A but was paranoid that I would freak him out or trigger him into intense visuals. Normally he doesn't get them at all, I get very pronounced visuals and in the past I have mentioned what I'm seeing and influenced his visuals by suggesting the idea.
I have a distinct memory I stumbling down the beach in total confusion. We had both hit the peak and we still hadn't discussed the elephant in the room. The LSD was in full force and we were literally trying to run away from our problems together on the beach in pitch black, with bugs being catapulted at us by the cosmic jester of insectoid party poppers. Eventually we came across a giant rock wall, which to me was an amalgamated Golem like face made of triangular fractals. It was too dark to continue. We had gotten to the rocky shore and the tide was in, we definitely weren't going to climb them.
We head home and decide to listen to some music and chill out on the balcony. We chose Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, which proved both a huge mistake and a potentially life changing decision.
Right about the time we got to the title track of the album, we could no longer avoid the elephant in the room. First we beat around the bush of the issue at hand and discussed our other friends who were to be moving away, how much we were going to miss them. What a crazy time in our life we were at. How much everything was changing around us and how little power we felt to control it. Then we got straight into the muck and acknowledge out loud that he was going to be moving away in a matter of months. That we probably not see each other more than a few times in the next four or five years.
The lyrics pierced me, the view of the trees was bright orange and red riddled with lizards and scorpions, burning into me and constricting me until I could no longer take it. I broke and started silently weeping. I didn't want to cry for some reason, normally I'm the guy who just lets it out, I'm overly emotional and I don't hold it in but this was too painful to feel.
I was avoiding it at every turn but the acid made it undeniable. It was doing that thing that LSD is so damn good at doing, showing me my deepest, darkest, most repressed fears, forcing me to accept them no matter how I kick, screamed, fought or denied. I had no control, and I had to accept it and I let the music wash over me. At this point my tears are puddling all over the balcony and I am stuck in a tryptamine cycle. I cannot speak, I want to yell out to A but I simply cannot speak. I can only weep.
A breaks the cycle and says something, not even realising I was a total mess. He pretty quickly caught on, and we acknowledged it. He didn't cry, but I didn't care I was just a mess. I turned down the Pink Floyd which was just a little too possesive of my emotions, and started to calm down. I realised I needed to piss and went off to the toilet, getting beautiful purple tracers and fractals all over the room. When I returned A was in the same place I was in just moments ago.
He told me that he had seen a horrible commercial which graphically depicted birds rotting corpses with the plastic in their stomach that had killed them. He later told me he felt emotionally dead or something along these lines for not crying with me, but I know he felt what I felt, my trigger was the Floyd, his was the graphic depiction of the horrific destruction of nature at the hands of mankind.
Long story short (lol?) he didn't end up moving away. We're still brothers from another mother and things have changed since then, and changed and changed and changed again.
Change is inevitable. I truly learned that this night.
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
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lsd an amazing drug .. opens the mind and can scare your mind ..