~~~Twelve years to say goodbye~~

[cherub]

Today, I didn't try and think about it
it just came to me ,, only 10 minutes after I awoke
It was like I was living that day again.
I felt Like I was saying goodbye to you again
but this time I felt the pain,
I felt all that I didn't on that very day
I was too numb to understand.
So Many People said I was strong that day
they were blind that it was all hidden inside
today I was not blind or hiding anything
every moment has caught me
like a whirl wind
The more i tried to stay busy
the worse it seem to get
Nothing would stop the
Hurricane of feelings Filtering
up in the air , Being caught
within my soul
The more I think I have settled it
the more it seems to give me more questions
why can't the soul let things be at times
Dad,, I was never your little girl
and you were never my daddy
We established this so long before I was at an
age to understand.
I was never angry about it
I accepted what was
when you needed me your last dying years
it was me, not your little girl that stepped in
I know you were proud of me,
taking care of you those two years
That night before you died dad
it was me that held your hand
said the prayers beside
your death bed.
It was your little girl that showed up
and you that jumped in a flitter that night
but it was she who walked away
and me who consoled you through the night
not leaving your side for a minute
though you were not awake enough
acknowledge
but did you understand?
I may have not been your little girl
she may have not acted the way you wanted
but do you remember it was me that tried
to be the daughter you want
Today it hit me 12 yrs later,
I really wanted to be your little girl all along
today it hit me how much I miss you.
Today it hit me, that today is the day I need to
finally say goodbye
But I guess today can't change the
past of tomorrow
and today we can only move forward
Goodbye Dad
Your other little girl

 

[harraser]

darls this is so sad but its good that youve finally gotten some closure. *hugs* Sometimes its necesarry to dredge up these old and painful memories when the time is right to get a bit of a new perspective on things, a bit of painin the present can make the past that little bit easier to deal with. love ant

 

[Angelight]

i love you.

 

[E-girl]

I felt Like I was saying goodbye to you again
but this time I felt the pain,
I felt all that I didn't on that very day
I was too numb to understand.
sometimes it takes years to get over something painful like this... but when it finally comes to you, its the greatest relief anyone could ask for. death is not always a bad thing, sometimes it sheds light in places where there was none.
i think you've made peace with your dad, and with yourself, in your own way. and i think that closing the door on that part of your life will be so much easier, now that you've had the proper chance to say goodbye.
((hug))