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turning points.

manboychef

manboychef

Bluelighter
Joined
May 15, 2013
Messages
4,049
Location
central florida
Two years ago today....fathers day...I wrote my note, sucked twenty five bags up into my rig, locked my bathroom door, climbed into my tub full of warm inviting water, registered, and plunged home a shot I hoped would erase me from the planet.....nothing happened. I opned my eyes to my bathroom. I had been ripped off. At that point I realised that maybe there is a reason I'm still here. I got up, lit the note on fire and watched it burn. I continued to use for a year with a brief stint in rehab and halfway houses but I now had the goal of getting straight.

What is the moment you realized that life is worth living? Let's face it, how do you accept life as an option when you get to the point in use in which each new low is so hard to accept that you would rather accept an untimely end.

I have a year sober under my belt, and I owe it to that turning point. What were some of your turning points on the road to recovery.
 
My drug ,of all the ones I do,, that was my downfall was alcohol,, I totally bottomed out,, one day I realized my whole life was on a fence,,and it was watch it fall and lose everything or get a grip,, I almost lost everything,including my kids all over a drug,, and to be honest, I have no idea how I quit,I just did,,it was a mental thing over the physical thing,,do I want a drink,or do I want my life to be normal,, to get to the point,, my kids were my turning point.You have to find a way to look at your life from outside the box,,look at it and ask yourself if you like what you see. And fix whats broken one day at a time,,Rome wasn't built in a day,,neither are broken lives,, but they can be over time.
 
manboychef said:
Two years ago today....fathers day...I wrote my note, sucked twenty five bags up into my rig, locked my bathroom door, climbed into my tub full of warm inviting water, registered, and plunged home a shot I hoped would erase me from the planet.....nothing happened. I opened my eyes to my bathroom. I had been ripped off.
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Love this.. the universe works in mysterious ways.. I mean there is no way that its coincidence.. I have just heard way to many stories like this.. the old loaded my gun and pulled the trigger. but your never going to believe this, the bullet didn't fire.. or whatever miracle happens.. and with how many times I have heard similar stories of some amazing "coincidence" that has saved someone who has tried to take thier own life.. it must happen way more often because I bet that allot of people who write that note and have some amazing thing happen to save them, burn the note just like you did..

I think there is something about being rite there, have made the decision to end it, and either when we were about to do it, or made it back from trying from a miracle.. when you suddenly experience a feeling of true freedom.. after all, once you decide to kill yourself the realization that you can do this at any point you want, somehow can take away all your fears.. and set you free.. "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" and I can't think of a point in a persons life that would personify this better than the moment a person is about to kill themselves.. they are about to give up all they ever had and any chance at anything else in this life.. IDK it hard to express the exact thought about this, something along the lines of wait i'm about to kill myself, well hold on there are a couple of things I always wanted to do before I send myself off, or if im abouit to kill myself that means i can do whatever I want, its also amazing what the "i really want" turns out to be=D.. and I have nothing to worry about any more so i really do have nothing to loose, so you know what i'm going to just do some of this.. and I dont know why but when you live each day like its could be your last and lose the fear, you start to live better... not crazy reckless.. kinda start to live the right way.. i hope this makes sense to someone besides me..

So in other words I think the moment that life became not only worth living, was after I had woken up from my one and only attempt at suiscide.. thank "god" and that ceiling that benzos have.. i had been sick for four years, had gotten allot better for two weeks and had gotten really sick again, I thought it was the illness coming back, and even though i'm the epitome of the eternal optimist, i had reached my breaking point.. was going to hammer back a whole script of benzos in one swallow.. then something in my head said just take half and leave it up to god.. I did. First thought when i opened my eyes is that I guess i'm still supposed to be here.. it wasn't the illness coming back.. it was that the illness as its last present, had attracted my pancreas and let me with Type One diabetes, and my blood sugar was through the roof and I had become sick because I was ketoacidosis.. the illness never returned..

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to be alive... but i dont think i have been afraid of ANYTHING since I woke up from that mistake... and I dont take anything, even the important shit in life that serious, because taking things in life to serious makes us miserable.. after all we are only here for a short time and we all get a free pass out in the end, or in reality whenever we want.. its powerful how every day being a hellish miserable chore can instantly change to every minute of every day being an amazing gift with the realization of one really simple thought<3

"Once in awhile you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right."​
 
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My ex just called to let my son talk to me....:-) that was awesome. Usually today is soul crushing awareness of how lonely I am and how much I miss him. This is the best high ever!
 
Three. Four in July....haven't seen or heard from him since she took him in the middle of the night three years ago. Why does the law allow women to do that? I didn't use anything but the occasional beer or joint till after that not so fond farewell...all she had to do is say I was abusive even though she was an addict (sent her to rehab when she was pregnant) to take everything and be given a free ride. As well as child support and all the free help and healthcare....I pay quite a lot for my subs and therapist (can you guess where I'm from, yep the land that you are as free as they tell you)

Before I knew she was pregnant I used to drink like a fish...and before my twenties loved my psyches...but when I heard I created life...I stopped everything.

After she took him and won in court by lying I gave up on life and started down the spiral of self destruction that is IV opiates....to kill emotions.

I have a new lease on life...heal myself no matter what the cost.
 
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May 31st ,2012 . Got drunk as usual . But this time was diffrent ,woke up at midnight and had to get a shot of beam to kill the shakes ,woke again at 4 am ,shakes again .

Went to my shrink at 9 still shaking ,He would not pescribe and meds because i needed to be "detoxed " professionally .

Got a script for 1 mg klonopin( from my MD ) and started taking it ,reducing the amount every day - many good online detox sights ,that show how many benzos to take ,how often .

So i sucessfully detoxed off a massive alochol habit while working a full time job . Joined AA the same day i quit drinking .

AA is great , but i can stay straight on my own ,with leaning on a higher power .

I do drink occasionally ,these days ist very occasional ,just no desire to drink .
 
Glad you are still here, that happened for a reason, like a second chance at life.

Life is a gift. Learned the hard way, nuff said.
 
Life is definitely a gift. I am happy to exist everyday. I am glad that I get the opportunity to still be in my sonslife, if only financially.
 
manboychef said:
Life is definitely a gift. I am happy to exist everyday. I am glad that I get the opportunity to still be in my sonslife, if only financially.
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Even if you can only provide financial support, I'm sure one day he'll seek you out and want to talk to you some. :) I can't imagine not wanting to get to know your own biological parents (unless it's not an option or whatever).
 
The fact that your x called and let you talk to him, is im my opinion very significant.. just keep doing the rite things or as the fellowships say, all we have to do is to do the "next right thing" and everything will work the right way.
 
Your story moved a little something like joy/happiness in my body. Congratulations on your year of sobriety, I am jealous. After some deep emotional inventory in another thread here, and reading your first post, I think Im going to try and quit alcohol today... Im already afraid of the thought, but its time I guess. Thank you for sharing, best of luck man.
 
I'm glad it moved you. I will be with you on your journey....if you get the dts you may want to detox at the hospital. Benzo and alcohol withdrawal can kill you. If you start getting the shakes you made need medical detox.
 
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