Thanks for all of that great information
@Allylbenzene I´ve been in the process of fixing my own health, mental and physical. I have been learning about a lot of this stuff over the past couple of years. I am only able to function long-term if I have everythig in my life on point. For my addiction, this means going to meetings. For my physical dependence/chemical issues, I take medication like Methadone. For my existential anguish, I go to AA meetings pretty much every day.
I wanted to stop getting high for a long time. I wanted to find a way to just will my problems out of existence. I tried over and over again. As smart as I believed myself to be, I bad to admit, there are many things in this world I can do and do well, I have the answers to a lot of different questions. The one answer I didn´t have was how to I exist in this world without my drugs. It was only by going to meetings, getting healthy etc. that the urge to get high was dampened in my mind. I didn´t have to find the answer, I just had to show up at meetings and over time, the answers came.
I hear you that you feel locked in this dance with stimulants. I absolutely get it. I was never a major stimulant user, but like you, I was in college studying to become a teacher and getting ready to start my career and I was totally addicted to Heroin. My days, my goals, my objectives were all ultimately dependent upon my ability to acquire Heroin. Like you and your stimulants, if I didn´t have Heroin, the wheels fall off the car instantly.
I eventually started on Methadone and that was what enabled me to have some stability. Like you, you´re not likely to find the long-term stability you´re after if you continue to supplement with Meth. If you ask me, the Meth needs to be out of the picture. You might be able to finish your school, maybe even work for a while, but what´s the point if you´re on a trajectory toward failure anyway?
With a prescription for a stimulant, you theoretically have a constant means of acquiring your drugs, legally, that nobody can fault you on. If you´re using Methamphetamine, what happens when you have to take a drug test for work? Maybe you find a way to pass the test, but that is just a single example of how life can easily crumble to pieces when your success is directly tied to a drug like Methamphetamine.
I would advise you to finish what you need to finish. Do whatever you need to do to meet the goals you have to meet in the short-term. After your education and evaluations are over, you need to take a break from everything. I would highly recommend setting aside two weeks at least in which you will be able to sleep off the Meth, recover a little bit, get back into a healthy rhythm, then when it´s time to go back to work, you restart the Adderall prescription. Hopefully then, your tolerance will have dropped and you will have a little bit more clarity on your situation.
Do whatever you have to do to stay away from the Meth. If you can´t do it on your own, I highly suggest trying out some meetings. I know it´s not the cool thing. I know going to meetings seems like a drag. They were a big part of why I´m here now talking to you. Believe me, my first meeting, I was smarter than every sad-faced motherfucker in that room. They were pathetic. They just needed to get high like I was, then they wouldn´t have to focus on all of this sad emotional shit. That was my attitude. I am now dependent on meetings to keep me from going off the furrow and ending up dead or in a psych ward or worse, in a Turkish psych ward.
Take a break. Get your head straight. Find discipline however you can find in and try to restart things with just your Adderall prescription. Meth will only ruin you man and it sounds like you have a great life just waiting for you at the end of this. Meth will take all of that and then it will take your soul.
